It is another day of the “arctic tundra” here in the Midwest. Luckily, we should be leaving the negative temperatures today, and I decided to leave my house today to get some coffee! I really wish I had planned ahead for these cold temperatures by booking a flight to the Bahamas or something, but I’ll just have to keep that in mind for next time. I have been in a little bit of a funk with feeling overwhelmed at work and just feeling the darkness of winter; I also just had my period and it was six days late so that didn’t really help. The more I reflect on this, the more I am realizing that I need to let go of control at work. I put this immense pressure on myself to stay on top of all of these things, but being in the insurance world, there is literally so much beyond my control.

At work, and in life in general, all I can control is my own reactions and my attitude. I have been so overwhelmed by all of the changes in patient’s insurance plans and still dealing with the remnants of our horrible transition with the new front desk- literally my period has been late the last couple months, and I knew they would be late because I was so stressed out! My body has been tense and I’ve been exhausted, and I no longer wish to put myself through this. I know I need to work on a good routine on how to decompress and also ideally work towards my wellness goals, but I know the focus just needs to be on self-love rather than shame. Since I have been in a negative headspace, it hasn’t felt like a good time to pursue a wellness routine- when I do these things in a place of self-loathing, it’s never healthy, nor does it end well.

I know I just need to focus on rest and joy. I have been feeling the need to stretch, so I am going to do some more of that today. I know I need to talk to my body nicer and be more mindful about how I speak about it. It’s easy to get into comparison culture, especially in the new year and seeing everyone posting themselves in the gym and eating really healthy, but 1. people always post the highlights, and 2. my journey is mine, it is not meant to be altered or influenced by others. I know that deep down, we all know what is best for us. I know that the more I listen to my gut and actually mindfully work towards my goals, the more confidence I will have, and the easier it will be to let go of things beyond my control.