grateful

Early Sunday Thoughts from my Bed

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As I lie here half asleep in my comfortable, warm bed, I can’t help but feel content. I remember the days where the second my eyes were open, I was immediately up working on household chores or school work or some other task that probably didn’t actually need to be done; I wouldn’t allow myself to rest. I’d always tell myself “I just have to get it all done now so I can relax later,” but later never came. I’d just add more and more tasks, none of which contained any rest or self care.

I used to feel chronically guilty and shameful when I’d rest or spend any time (or money) on myself. I felt shame around resting because it felt like laziness. I felt shame around spending money on myself because it felt like a waste- like whatever I had just purchased was stupid or completely unnecessary. If something unexpected came up and we needed money, I’d immediately think of how much I spent on myself and feel guilty and like everything was my fault. I always felt like everything was my fault.

I now live a life where I have unlearned some unhealthy patterns and I have released such shameful, guilty feelings for the most part. As a human, sometimes I will get triggered again, but it’s easier to acknowledge and give myself grace as I am aware of where these issues stem from. I feel so blessed to be able to just lay in bed next to the love of my life and relax for hours and not feel an ounce of guilt. Tasks will get done, life will go on, and it’s important to think about which memories are the ones I’ll want to bask in when I’m an old lady.

I’ll never regret cuddles with my fiancé or with my cats. I won’t regret the iced coffees or trips to cute downtown areas. I won’t regret the times I spent writing or being creative. I won’t regret taking the time to count my blessings. I won’t regret nice phone calls with friends. I won’t regret the fact that I decided to focus on my mental health and my own well-being, as it has allowed me to be more present in my life and truly soak in the love that surrounds me. More importantly, it allows me give that love to myself.

New Moon Intentions

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Focus on the joy, and seek more of it.

See through a lens of love, and accept more of it.

Speak with honesty and kindness, and practice discernment.

Give time and effort to what fuels me and my future, and release the habits that are holding me back.

Be present.

Be mindful.

Be intentional.

Just be.

Mini Post

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I feel like haven’t really sat down and wrote a post in a while. I know I’ve been answering some of the prompts and making little posts here and there, but I’ll have to do a larger post soon. I have been enjoying life, just focusing on all of the little things and making time for people I love. I got to go roller blading with my friend and her daughter yesterday which was super fun! And on Saturday I got to have lunch with my mom, grandma and aunts! I’m just feeling so blessed and happy lately, and I want to soak it all up!

Gratitude Check

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I am feeling so grateful and surrounded by love this season. I just sent out our save the dates today and am having lunch with my family this weekend! I also just had a good weekend with good friends and I am so happy to be present for all of the good things in my life.

I am grateful for our home and the fact that we have electricity, food and water. I am grateful for my body that breathes for me, pumps blood for me, and continuously regenerates my cells without me having to think about it. I am grateful to have a supportive, respectful fiancé who truly knows me and loves me for me. I am grateful for Dunkin’s iced coffee, although I definitely am addicted LOL! I am grateful for my job and for our financial situation, and overall I am grateful for this life!

Thank you to my angels and guides of the highest good and truth for protecting and supporting me along this lovely journey.

Morning Gratitude

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This morning I want to just lay in bed and sleep, but instead of hitting snooze I am still laying here but decided to start the day here with some good vibes and gratitude.

-I am so grateful I get to wake up next to the love of my life every morning, as it makes me feel safe, loved, and comforted.

-I am grateful to be waking up in a warm, cozy bed that is so comfortable it makes it hard to want to get out of it.

-I am grateful that I have a job where I am appreciated, I enjoy what I do, and I still have freedom to listen to headphones and work at my pace.

-I am grateful to still have both of my parents in my life, even if it may be a bit estranged with my dad, I am still blessed to have contact with both of them and I am happy I have a good relationship with my mother.

-I am grateful for this blog, as it was easy to start, it’s easy for me to post from my phone or laptop, and it’s a nice outlet for me, and also a way to inspire others.

-I am grateful to have supportive, loving friends in my life who are truly rooting for me and want the best for me. I am happy I have friends I can be my full self around.

-I am grateful to have heat in our home, as well as the AC during the summer. We are blessed that we can afford and have these luxuries.

-I am grateful for car, as she is sleek and beautiful but also very reliable and safe. I am happy we can both afford nice cars.

Overall there are so many things in this lifetime to be grateful for, and sometimes it’s important to just take a moment and think about it. Whenever I am feeling lost or overwhelmed, I have found that when I turn to the mindset of gratitude, it makes a big difference. It’s not always an easy task when emotions are running high, but like anything, it’ll just get easier with time and practice. Your life has a lot of beauty in it, take a moment to think about it.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday and week ahead.

Thank you

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Thank you angels and guides of the highest good and best intentions for supporting and protecting my fiancé and I along our wedding journey. Thank you for bringing ease and peace to the process and for all of the extra abundance you’re sprinkling in- it is not unnoticed.

Thank you for supporting me in this new job and allowing me to show up as my best self, allowing me to advocate for myself, and allowing me to succeed every day.

Thank you for the warmth within our home, our blankets, our cars and the buildings we work in- as we are able to survive these severely low temperatures.

Thank you for allowing me to surrender my worries about health, money, home, and anything that is beyond my control over to you, and I trust that you will take care of everything in the best way.

I am growing, flowing, and glowing.

Blessed Monday

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Woke up this morning to a message in our work app that due to extreme low temperatures, for safety of staff and patients they are closing the office today! Snow day part 2! Or part 4 if you count the weekend LOL.

In reality though, I am actually amazed and so glad that I took this position. My last company was still open on Friday when it was a legitimate blizzard outside, and I only know because I messaged my friend who still works there. If you ever called off for anything, you could bet that the boss was asking everyone if they’d seen you posting on snap or instagram or if they heard anything about them looking for jobs. Like damn, can’t someone just be sick or be worried about their safety in peace?

There were so many reasons I left that place, and it mainly came down to their lack of care about their employees, and I am so grateful to be somewhere that is the complete opposite. I love what I am doing at my job, I am getting faster at moving through the system, and I am excited to get everything in a good flow; but today, I get another day of rest!

Everyone be safe out there! Sending extra love to all who need it.

Sunday Funday

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My friend is about to drop off her kids to hang out for a while, and I have decided that this is my opportunity to be a kid today! We have candy land and lincoln logs, and we even have a classic DVD player with a variety of Disney and Pixar movies to choose from! She’s bringing over some snacks, and we have some fun records to listen to! It’s going to be a carefree, imaginative day.

Obviously I am also going to be supervising the children and making sure everyone is staying safe and well! My fiancéis also here to help which is nice, and I know time will just fly by! Kids can talk and ask questions for hours and hours so I am interested to see what is in store today LOL.

As for the week ahead, I am feeling more comfortable at work and feeling productive every day, which is great! I am excited to get in a good groove and get caught up on things and take on more tasks. I also am excited to focus more on myself and my health outside of the office, and hopefully get a nail appointment this week! We had a huge snow storm so I didn’t feel like driving to my appointment this weekend.

We are continuing to lock things in for our wedding which has me super excited. I find myself getting extra emotional when listening to love songs, and I am just so happy and grateful that I get to marry my best friend this year! I’m just going to keep focusing on that energy this year!

Winter Solstice

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Today I honor the darkness and shadows within me.

To the exiled parts of me that still remain in hidden corners, feeling guilty and shameful and too scared to show themselves, please know you are loved, and you are worthy of it. May any shame and guilty feelings wash off of you, and may you find yourself feeling safe and secure.

To the anxious me that over plans, overthinks, and worries about every possible outcome, thank you for trying to protect me. I know you are attempting to predict all scenarios in order to prepare and be ready, but I’ve got this now. I know that worrying is only taking away from the present moment, and in order to live fully I need to be aware and actively participating in my life. There is no need to stress, as I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and everything happens for a reason.

To the part of me that has remained shamefully angry throughout the years, it is time to embrace that emotion. Anger is here to show me what is important, and shoving it away has only allowed me to shy away from expressing my own opinions and feelings, which only hurts me in the end. Expressing anger is not bad, it’s actually necessary to do so in a healthy way. I am my own person with my own opinions, and I will no longer choose silence to keep other people comfortable.

To all of the parts of me that have stayed quiet and who are trying their best to protect me, I appreciate your efforts. Thank you for being here with me throughout the years and working to keep me safe and on the right path. I am grateful for the lessons you’ve taught me, and although you will stay here with me forever, I am now allowing you all to relax while I take the reins.

I am a strong, capable, empathetic woman who can navigate through life, and I am choosing to do so with the mindset of love, acceptance and gratitude. Welcome, winter solstice.

Over the Moon

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Yesterday my love and I went to our usual breakfast place to enjoy some yummy food and mimosas, and there was a special surprise in mine…A RING!! WE ARE ENGAGED! 🙌🏼😍💍✨

I am so so soooo overjoyed and still cannot believe this is real life! He did such a good job because I literally had no clue at all! I even finished the entire mimosa and still didn’t notice the ring, so he of course was freaking out, but I still was so oblivious. Finally he asked me for my orange from my mimosa and when I dumped it onto his plate he moved the orange and BOOM!

I literally was in shock. I just kept staring at it like “no way!” and “what is that?” and “who’s is that?” and he was like “who’s do you think it is?” and proceeded to tell me he wished to spend all his days with me and asked me to marry him!!!! AND OF COURSE I SAID YES!!!

At this point the waitress comes over and is like “you said yes?” and I said “Yes I did!” and she started clapping and then SO DID THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT! I was in complete shock and was just elated!! I truly did not expect that and I am still in completely awe. I’m so excited to get this wedding planned and marry my best friend! I’M A MOTHRFCKING FIANCÉ!!!

Also, because you know I love my signs from the universe, get this!!

On the way to breakfast I saw something that was my sign from the universe and I even said something outloud in the car. The car in front of us had the license plate “CJ 93111” and I looked at him and said “aw CJ 111, that’s us! It means new beginnings!” LIKE WHAT! Okay universe, I see you!!

So grateful, so happy, what a great weekend!