self care

Chill Weekend

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Yesterday my friend and I went to a local event where they turn on all of the christmas lights in the downtown area! We got hot chocolate, I purchased a new vinyl record (Khalid: American Teen) and I showed her a couple of the shops around downtown. Although it was a little chilly, we had a great time! I always love when everyone does the countdown and then suddenly the town is bright with gorgeous, white lights!

I originally planned to drive us downtown to park, but after what felt like 30 minutes of driving around and avoiding the hundreds of people walking around I decided to call my boyfriend and asked if he could just drop us off LOL. I feel so lucky to be so close to these events sometimes, because it’s much more convenient to be dropped off than to find parking and eventually have to leave!

This weekend should be nice and chill, unlike the busy weekends ahead in December, so I’m going to soak it up and enjoy it! I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, and I hope you get the rest you need.

Open, Hopeful and Grateful. ♡

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This Thanksgiving is going to be another lowkey holiday, mainly because I just got over a cold and now my boyfriend is working through his. We don’t want to spread this to any family members so we will be staying in, enjoying each other’s company, and relaxing. My idea of relaxing is bouncing between different tasks that bring me joy, such as reading, watching Netflix/YouTube, journaling, and of course I always enjoy some cuddles with my love. I am excited for today, and honestly I am excited for this next chapter in my journey.

As I had stated before, I decided to take a social media detox this month, and I am very likely extending this into December. The reason I want to extend it is that I feel like I just now started realizing how much time I spend distracting myself from the life I want to be living. I had an appointment yesterday and I learned a harsh truth: I gained 10lbs in the last three months! Like what the fuck?! How did I do that? Of course this news upset me immediately, and I felt myself entering one of my shame cycles-but this time was different. I definitely felt overwhelmed by this information and I could tell because I started basically vomiting out this information to every person I spoke to (which I am now already laughing about so feel free to join in LOL). I found myself thinking about it alone in my car and I decided to try to switch my perspective and mindset towards this information, and I am so glad I did, because I have much more confidence in myself this time around when it comes to health journey!

I made the decision to look at this new information as a new test from the universe. I had been in this position before: years ago I had a weight-loss / ketogenic journey that resulted in me losing weight relatively quickly, but it was all fueled by shame and self-hatred. I had family, friends, and coworkers complimenting my progress as I continued to drop all the weight I had put on, but they had no idea what was truly going on. I was extremely strict with myself on this diet; I was counting my carbs daily to make sure I stayed under the 20 net carbs that was recommended to stay in ketosis, which meant I was going to lose weight/fat faster. I never let myself go past that 20 carbs, and if I did I felt like a failure and was very upset with myself. I felt like I was ruining all of my progress and took out all of this frustration on myself, sending myself into a self-loathing spiral. When I look back at this now, I don’t know how I thought that this was a healthy way of living. I mean, I couldn’t even eat an apple on this diet because that apple alone would take up my entire carb intake for the day! After a day of eating only proteins and fats, I would look in my app and realize that I only took in 600-700 calories for the entire day, but I just kept going because the weight was falling off and that was the goal I had. Once I reached my goal weight, I completely let go of the diet and it was back to old habits, and now here we are today.

That whole keto journey was a few years back, and since then I have not gone on any diets, however I do go through phases of intermittent fasting as I definitely feel an increase in energy, and I decrease in bloating- but again, I have not been consistent with that. My therapist and I have discussed my need for control and how diets/counting carbs is not a healthy thing for me to do, so I will not be doing that this time around. Instead of shaming myself into losing weight and being harsh and hateful toward myself along the way, I am looking at this as a new start and new opportunity to show myself how much I do love and care for myself. As the quote goes, my past doesn’t need me, but my future does. I know that I want children in the future, and as my friends and family like to tell me, I am going to be an “older mom,” (which I really don’t think 30-33 is “old” but whatever LOL), so if I want to be able to be active and keep up with them, I need to prioritize my health. I always say I want to be the mom who cooks healthy meals and has healthy snacks for my future family, so what better time to start practicing?

This journey already feels different because I am focus on the love I have for myself and my body. I am grateful that I can walk, that my heart beats and my lungs breathe all without me having to think about it. My body digests and knows which nutrients to hold on to, while also regenerating and replenishing cells all automatically while I just live my life. I can help my body by providing it with more fuel from proteins and vegetables, and also by decreasing the amount of sugar intake. As I can choose healthier foods, I know they will make me feel better physically and mentally. I also learned that a sedentary lifestyle leads to a lack of joy and also shorter life and more risk for injury, so as I prioritize walks on the treadmill and focus on my physical therapy stretches, I will increase my longevity and my overall happiness! As I continue to show up for my health, I will only increase the trust I have in myself.

In general, I would say I hold the belief that I don’t trust myself. I mean this in the sense that I seem to give up on myself and my goals too quickly, which always has me wondering why I don’t love myself? But when I actually sit and look back at my past, I have plenty of reasons to trust myself! I think throughout my life I spent so much time in shame and guilt that it became my default emotion, but if I continue to acknowledge and celebrate my growth and progress, that self-love mindset will become my default. When I met and fell in love with my boyfriend at the young age of sixteen, I knew that I wanted this person to be my life partner. I felt it within my bones and my soul that this relationship was worth prioritizing and this person was who I was meant to be with, so I trusted my gut. Here we are, 12 years later still growing together and loving each other every step of the way. We set goals to move into an apartment, and once we did that we made a goal to buy a home within the next two years, and we did it. We had people asking us “Why rush?” and “How old are you again?” but we trusted ourselves and have been in our beautiful townhome for over six years now. I told myself I’d finish my Associate’s Degree, and I did while we were in our apartment and I was working full-time. I told myself I’d start a blog, and I have been consistently posting in one for several years. I told myself I would be a published author, and this year I had two different poems of mine published! I literally always do what I set my mind to, and this mental/physical health journey is no different.

I have made noticeable progress in my mental health and self-love journey, and the most important thing I have learned along the way is that giving yourself grace and patience along the way is a must. When you make a mistake at work, how would you feel if your boss rubbed it in your face and told you how stupid you were for messing up? You’d likely feel shameful and embarrassed and likely wouldn’t even feel motivated or worthy of trying again. Now imagine if your boss took you aside and showed empathy, explaining that they have also made this mistake and it is not that big of a deal. You’d likely feel seen and encouraged, you may even feel more motivated to do better and find solutions. In life, you are your own boss! The way you treat yourself and speak to yourself directly impacts your performance. So, as my own boss, I have decided to promote myself to a level of life where I love and care about myself, and I live a life that reflects that. I am very excited for this next chapter, and although I may stumble along the way as normal humans do, I know that I will focus on the progress and continue to work towards my goals. I am forever grateful for this life I live. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Happy Thanksgiving. ♡

Social Media Detox

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Sniffles and cuddles are making up my weekend, and I’m so glad that I took tomorrow off. I’m getting over a cold so it’s nice to just relax and spend time with my love. I was feeling good enough on Friday to get lunch and go shopping with my mom, and we had a great time getting stuff for an upcoming baby shower that we’re looking forward to!

I’ve been on a social media break this month, only using snapchat as I consider it to be basically like texting, but the other day I did realize I was watching those ad-ridden snap drama videos and that’s when I realized why it is also social media and a huge distraction. I logged out of Instagram which I honestly don’t know if I have ever done, and right now I don’t even miss it. I was noticing myself fall into the pressure of posting consistent reels and trying to keep up with engagement, but in reality I don’t have any need to do that. I want to increase my joy in life, not my stress levels.

When I first logged off, I was noticing how often I would just click into the app without even thinking about it, and honestly it was several times a day! I’d see I was logged out and immediately back out, but it has made me realize how instagram / social media has become a total impulse and addition in my life. I originally didn’t want to detox from Instagram because I don’t want to miss out on my favorite podcasters and creators who are looking for topics or questions for their content, or missing out on any giveaways or announcements, but I just kept reminding myself that what is for me won’t miss me.

I’ve been on this spiritual journey, and I honestly love the positive, magical posts I typically see in my feed- but I didn’t feel like I was living to my fullest potential and focusing on my own goals because I was constantly distracting myself with other people’s lives and content. I won’t lie, I’ve found myself still distracting myself with TV and maybe a little shopping, but this is all good information for me to have. I need to start being real and honest about how I abandon my own needs and goals, and I know I’m not the only human who falls into these patterns.

I have also spent time listening to podcasts, which honestly just makes me feel like I’m learning and it gets the wheels turning when I hear different opinions and perspectives. I also started reading a couple of books, but definitely haven’t dedicated enough time to reading as I originally planned. At least now as I actually sit and check in with myself, I am able to slow down and remind myself of what I feel is truly important. I have been resting and have had a packed lunch for work every day, which has definitely made me feel better!

I told myself I’d be taking a month of social media, and at this point I am honestly thinking about taking more than that off. I want to refocus and keep coming back to myself every single day, and make sure I am prioritizing what actually makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Reading, movement, music, podcasts, conversation… I have to actively make room for these things that are helping me to reach my goals. It’s 11:11- I think that’s a sign to end on that note.

Sending love to all, and some extra to those who need it right now.

Releasing Limiting Beliefs

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This is a post for myself to talk/write through my limiting beliefs and hopefully make more sense of them and let them go, so I can start reaching my full potential. Scorpio season is all about addressing our shadows and working with them so that we can release what no longer serves us, so I am taking this time to do so.

Limiting Belief #1: “I am stupid.”

This is not necessarily something I believe anymore, however I know there are remnants of that thought that still sneaks in every time I think about pursuing certain goals. Who am I to educate anyone? Who am I to tell my story? Who am I to know what is best for anyone? That’s the thing though, I don’t. I don’t claim to know what’s best for anyone- I only know what’s best for me. That is the same for everyone- only we know what is best for us. I never claim to know more than I do, and I am first to admit when I am wrong or when I do not know enough about a topic. Nobody knows everything, and I am no exception. I do know what has helped me navigate through my own life and I find myself admiring others who are vulnerable and authentic, so why deny myself that right? Likely this stems from the next limiting belief.

Limiting Belief #2: “Attention is bad.”

I notice a lot of triggers around attention within myself. I’ve talked about it before that I am not one who loves the spotlight, nor am I one who needs to tell everyone my business or my struggles when I am going through it, because I just don’t like that sort of attention. I never have dressed really flashy or worn anything really revealing as I know that draws attention; and I especially do not like any sort of sexual attention like cat-calling or stares as I am not easily accessible so I do not like to advertise myself as such. I do get confused when I see others who are constantly looking for attention and validation online, and I don’t judge because I don’t know their life, but I also can’t help but have questions in my head because it is so different from how I think.

I struggle with this battle of attention because I no longer feel that keeping myself “small” in the world is serving me. With these certain projects I want to pursue, it would take me putting my full, vulnerable self out in the world and even promoting it so that it can reach the audience it is meant to. I understand this means going completely against my weird animosity towards attention, but I am also trying to focus on the mission behind it. I have always been one to care deeply for others and I also always want people to have happiness and peace in their lives, mainly because I know how horrible it is to feel empty when life is going exactly as you wished it would.

I guess I just have to focus on my intentions, and let go of the fact that everyone will always have their own opinions and perspectives, just as I have mine. If I share my story publicly, I know the intention is to help others and show how freeing it can be once you acknowledge the pain and work to release it. If I dress in a way that is different from the “norm” and it draws some attention, the intention behind any outfit of mine is to feel good for myself. I remember if someone was wearing something bright or “different,” I’d always hear “they just want attention.” But in reality, people typically dress for themselves, not others. One of my favorite artists is Qveen Herby, and that bitch is always rocking some loud ass clothes and has zero shame because that is what she feels the most herself in. She doesn’t do it for attention, she does it to make herself and her inner child happy.

Limiting Belief #3: “I am not worthy.”

As someone who has most definitely had judgments of loved ones, who has been a chronic “fixer,” who has been a perfectionist and a people-pleaser (aka manipulative), why am I worthy of any sort of love or success? Why should I share love and light when I have fallen victim to the ego a plethora of times? Why should I give advice when sometimes I can’t even take my own? Why should I encourage everyone to seek happiness and inner peace when there are times that I’d rather sit and pout? When I write this out I realize though that this is everyone, isn’t it? Aren’t we all battling between ego and soul? Isn’t our human body and experience about growing and finding the balance between the two? I don’t even believe that everything is just black and white, I know it’s a million shades of grey- so why wouldn’t it be acceptable for myself to be one (or more) of those shades? We’re meant to evolve and grow, and it’s inevitable that we will make mistakes along the way… but that’s the point. I have to make mistakes to learn from them. I have to try and fail in order find the best path forward. I have to be as human as everyone else if I am trying to relate to the humans around me. I am not meant to be perfect or be everyone’s cup of tea- I am meant to be my own person and be a person that I love.

In reality, I am not stupid- I am forever learning. Having attention on me is not wrong, as long as I am true to my values and intentions. I am worthy of love and joy because I radiate that from my soul, and genuinely want the best for everyone. I am more than these limiting thoughts that come into my head, and I refuse to feed them anymore. We are not our thoughts, but also we can choose certain thoughts that help us create a better reality. I am choosing to love myself for me, and free my authentic self from the shame and guilt that I sat in for so long, because I deserve it. I deserve peace, I deserve love, and I deserve happiness, so I am choosing to give these things to myself.

My Mind is Blown and I am Exhausted.

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Today has been interesting to say the least, and even though I was struck with a feeling of complete exhaustion, I was able to muscle through it. I allowed myself to just stretch and watch a tv show and just let my body relax, and then I got back up to finish up a project for a friend.

Honestly I am super proud of myself. I went to the grocery store today and I made a huge salad for the week and even made egg salad for the first time (which is FIRE by the way). I got the fruit all washed up and put into jars, as I had coworker tell me how she stores them in jars and they last longer and I’ve been doing it ever since. I even made breakfast for myself and my love!

I will say, during the time that I was making the food I was literally blown away and felt like I was completely losing my mind, yet finding it all at the same time. As I have talked about before, I am on a spiritual journey and I have slowly started to embrace it more. I am someone who has always believed in karma and in “signs,” but I never really noticed the signs as much as I do now. Lately I’ve been seeing all of the angel numbers (111, 1111, 444, etc.) and I’ve been trying to focus on the positives in life.

Before I started to wash and prep my food for the week, I wanted to make sure I had some music or a podcast to listen to. I originally was going to listen to some Lana Del Rey that I hadn’t listened to before, but after listening to one song I quickly realized I wanted to switch to a podcast instead. I knew right away that I wanted to listen to House of Herby, which is singer/songwriter Qveen Herby’s podcast, and I started with their “Transformation” episode from 2022, and listened to that as well as the episode after that titled: “How to Manifest.”

Now, I’ll be honest, I cannot remember whether this was mentioned in that first episode or second one, but at one point Amy (Qveen) brings up the book Complex PTSD by Pete Walker. Now this is exact book that my therapist is currently working through and keeps citing during our sessions, and I kept putting off buying it; that was until I heard this episode.

So naturally I go on Amazon to see how much the book is and I add it to the cart. I need to note that I am definitely more of a bargain hunter and I save money where I can, so with that being said I do not pay for Amazon Prime. Amazon gives you free shipping if you spend a certain amount of money even if you don’t have Prime, so I just always make sure to hit that minimum so I don’t have to pay for shipping. I decided that I’d buy a couple other books that I’ve had on my list.

One of these was “The Universe has your back” By Gabrielle Bernstein, and the other is “Letting Go” By David Hawkins which I heard about on an earlier episode of the House of Herby. I get my free shipping and then I go to choose a payment method and BAM! I have enough cashback on my Discover to cover the ENTIRE ORDER! Like helllooooo!! Thank you, Universe!

Now that the order is placed it’s back to working on my egg salad. It came time for the mayonnaise to get added in… and tell me why Amy and Nick literally start talking about mayonnaise out of nowhere! It was at the exact moment I was spooning out some mayo from the jar and they start talking about “scraping mayo off of manifestation.” So of course I start freaking out and I pause the episode and start telling my boyfriend about how we’re all clearly in a simulation, and when I return back to the podcast Amy is saying how she doesn’t even know how they got to mayonnaise in this episode. Like girl, tell me about it!

So if that wasn’t weird enough, later on in the episode they are talking about law of attraction and synchronicity and she literally says: “the universe has your back! just as Gabrielle Bernstein says.” ……. LOL excuse me? I just ordered that book??? What?? Mind you, I have other books of Gabby’s and I love her work, but I just happened to purchase that exact book of hers less than an hour ago?!? WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

So I try to calm myself down while simultaneously recognizing that big daddy Google must be so far up my ass that I have figured out my own life’s algorithm, and I continue meal prepping and listening to the episode. My boyfriend is in the kitchen at this point and emptying the dishwasher and I start telling him like “I just bought that book! After buying the book that she talked about that my therapist also has!” And we chat and keep listening and then Nick brings up “Letting Go” by David Hawkins. I literally was shooketh. I exclaimed: “THAT WAS THE OTHER BOOK I BOUGHT.” Literally I felt like I was definitely co-creating with the universe at this point.

In that moment I was so overjoyed at all of the synchronicities happening and I was feeling so in tune with myself and the universe. I felt like I was right where I should be, and I just know I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Life is a lot easier when you focus on the things you do have control over, rather than worrying about the “what ifs” and missing out the present moment.

Overall today was a great Sunday, and I am so glad I’ve learned to love Sundays, and that I was present for all of todays beauty. 7:27 on the clock now- I’ve been seeing that a lot lately- with that I will sign off. Time for more relaxing! So grateful for this life.

Welcoming October

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This October:

May I be free of worries and fears as I learn to trust in both myself and in the divine timing of the universe.

May I release all that does not belong to me and focus on the love and happiness in my life.

May I have peace of mind and body as I pay more attention to my gut feelings/intuition.

May I let go of any lingering self-sabotaging behaviors as I step into habits that support my best self.

May this month remind me of just how beautiful life can be when you stay focused on the blessings and love.

Thank you in advance for all of the abundance and blessings that are flowing towards me.

Thank you in advance for allowing me to feel confidence in my authenticity and fully love myself.

Thank you for answering my prayers and wishes, and thank you for allowing me to be full present to receive them.

I welcome October with open arms.

Fresh

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On Friday I decided to go and get a haircut. I absolutely love my long hair, but I knew the ends were extremely dead and thin and I could see them splitting so badly. It makes sense considering it has been over a year since I’ve been to the salon, but this time I made sure to schedule an appointment for end of December so I can keep up with it.

I’m not going to lie, I was a little shocked at first, but this is nothing new. We always say it’s only going to be a couple of inches, but my curls get so happy and they start to spiral, so it automatically looks much shorter. I am feeling a lot better about it today, and I’m using it as a reminder to let go of what no longer serves me.

I was holding onto dead weight just because it appeared a certain way, but in reality it wasn’t healthy and it wasn’t helping me in anyway, as it just let my hair continue to split and deteriorate. This is a good reminder for myself to let go of unhealthy habits and release any negative thoughts that don’t serve me.

I also recently got my nails fixed after snapping one down to a nub, so I feel much better now that they are cute and even. I also am finally upgrading my phone after four years! I feel like a whole new me and I am ready for abundance and new beginnings! I feel that this is going to be a good week ahead and even if it isn’t, I’m going to do my best to focus on the positives!

new spooky nails

Dualities

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I am struggling, yet thriving. I am filled with joy, but also irritable. I am grateful, but also ready to release what is not serving me. I am proud, but also always looking forward to more growth. I am all of these things, all at the same time, because this is the human experience. At times it hurts like hell, and other times the happiness can feel like I’m floating on clouds; regardless, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I am working on trusting my gut, instead of working against it, but I won’t lie, I still lose myself in guilt and people-pleasing. I have this habit of somehow making everything my fault and talking myself out of my own gut feelings as a way to not hurt others and also still avoid confrontation. However, I am recognizing that I need to release the confrontation I have within myself.

I feel it’s time to release and let go of these people-pleasing habits, and truly tune into myself and my intuition. I have always known what’s best for me, and I have always gotten myself through the challenges life throws my way. I am wise, I am open, I am empathetic, and I am humble. I am intelligent, I am loved, I am safe, and I am blessed. I deserve peace, and I am ready to give that to myself.

New Tattoos and Inner Peace

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I have a lot on my mind, but at the same I feel very relaxed. I am simply letting things flow and letting things go, rather than attaching myself to every thought or idea. I am finding myself in more states of “boredom,” which I have been appreciating as times of peace. As someone who used to never allow myself to rest, I am feel that I am finally meeting my needs when it comes to rest and relaxation. If I find myself getting irritable or getting down on myself about not “doing more,” I remember that rest is a necessity, and it is an act of self-love to relax.

There is a slippery slope though when it comes to having mental health/depression problems, because this can lead to feeling unmotivated and eventually feeling stuck. I am blessed that I have self-awareness and I am able to make sure I am still living a productive life and finding time for joy. Even if sometimes the joy is sitting an enjoying some reality dating series, it is still time I am taking for myself. Today I went out for a walk, although I did slightly regret that decision considering it was 90 degrees outside. I also am taking this time to write in my blog, and I have been spending quality time with my boyfriend. I am finally starting to prioritize myself and I am focusing on giving my time to people that truly bring me joy.

I got to spend some time with my mom and a family friend yesterday. It was nice to just chat and enjoy some yummy appetizers together. We also all went around the shops downtown and shopped around for a while, all leaving with items that we loved! There was a new shop that opened up and it has a bunch of old school candy, candy from different cultures, and a bunch of weird, unique bottles of soda! We had a fun time looking around in there, and I even found the cutest evil eye ring for $4!

Speaking of which, I also got an evil eye tattoo on Monday that I am OBSESSED with! I also got the number 1144, which I see as my angel number. I see this number at times and I get this ping of relief and happiness, and it just reminds me to let go and trust in the universe. This is also the only tattoo I have that actually faces me, as this is specific to me and my spiritual journey. The evil eye is used is used to ward off variations of evil intentions and also serves as a reminder to “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.” I truly believe that our works are powerful, so I am being more mindful of how I use my words. It is also a reminder to stay true to my word, and always say what I mean. I no longer wish to sugarcoat and hide from my own feelings, I wish to say what I mean with respect and good intentions without difficulty and without worrying about how the other person will react. I am only responsible for my own emotions and responses, not anyone else’s.

As I learn to let go and release what is not mine to hold, I am realizing how important it is to be authentically me. I will only find people who learn to love the real me, by being the real me! I will only attract successful and loving friendships by focusing on being both successful and loving. If we actually sit with ourselves and write out what we want, we can learn how to be that for ourselves and then we can also see those same traits and characteristics in others. We can learn to appreciate ourselves and make our minds happy places, and we can also find people to help make the outside world a happy place. Humans thrive on connection, in fact, researchers have found that people with active social lives live longer!* I absolutely love connecting with other people, and as I continue to practice the art of “letting go,” I know that I will continue to find success and accomplish great things. We all have that fire within us, it’s just up to us to ignite it.

Here’s to lighting that match! Now fuel your fire, and burn bright. ♡

cute $4 evil eye ring
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*https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/active-social-life-longevity/

I’m a Published Author

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This morning I woke up to an email from the founder of the writing community “The Unsealed,” and I was notified that I am officially a published author. She created a book compiled of poems and essays from the members of the community, and one of my poem’s was selected! I want to sit with this for a bit, as I feel like I often don’t allow myself to fully feel the excitement that I deserve. I think back to the billboard I was on, and although I definitely felt proud and accomplished, I still found myself downplaying it. I was saying “well I just got lucky,” or “I didn’t really do much,” when in reality…who the hell do I know that has been on a billboard? Who else do I know that is a published author at my age? And to be honest, even if I knew a bunch of people who were on billboards and having their writings published, I still deserve to be proud my own work and effort.

I have always enjoyed writing, hence why I have had this blog for over five years now. As a child, writing was my therapy; it was a way for me to express my emotions without having any repercussions or judgments. It was a heathy way for me to get out any anger or sadness I was feeling, and it allowed me to be there with my emotions, rather than trying to dissociate or numb them out. Writing in a journal, or this personal blog, really allows myself to feel more centered and in touch with myself and my thoughts. I am happy that I can see my progress throughout the years, seeing how my perspectives and mental health has changed as I continue through my healing journey.

I also enjoy writing creatively, and I often find I impress myself with my work. I struggle with expressing that though for a couple reasons. One reason I believe stems from the fear of coming off arrogant or like I have a “big head,” but also I know that deep down I care for others and I know that no one human is “better” than another, so I cannot imagine I would get that way. Another reason is that I know I find “normal” things to be somewhat profound at times, so I may think that I did something amazing, but to the general society they may feel it is just “okay.” So, I guess I do still care a bit about what others think, but I am still trying to break through that. Sharing my poems with the writing community has only resulted in support and love, and I am grateful to have found a place where I can share and feel heard.

I know that in therapy some psychologists believe that humans seek external validation to fill the void of a lack of acceptance during childhood. I know that my parents loved me and supported me in the general sense, but there are other times where I felt very misunderstood and like something was “wrong” with me. However, I think that is normal for most adolescents, especially when going through puberty and learning how to navigate emotions amongst the new flooding of hormones. Now as an adult, it is up to me to support myself and give myself the validation that I may be seeking. I am blessed to have a supportive partner, as well as some great friends, but what it truly comes down to is how I feel about myself and how I celebrate my wins.

I am proud of the woman I am today. I am a positive force of light who enjoys genuine connection with others. I am an empathetic woman who feels everything so deeply, which allows me to love hard and be supportive. I do what makes me happy, whether that is writing or singing or simply going on a walk in nature, I make sure to prioritize my joy. I have worked through my anxieties and have learned so much about myself, which has allowed me to let love in and pour into myself in the way I deserve. I also have a healthy, happy relationship with my life partner, and I am forever grateful for the love we have together. Having your best friend cheering you on and supporting your goals and dreams is something that I wish for everyone, as that love is unmatched. I am happy with my life and myself, even during the times that are hard and it feels like it is all crashing down, I know that I am supported and loved. I am grateful for this life and all of the love around and within me.

If you are interested in purchasing the book, you can do so following this link: https://amzn.to/3PfQ5q7

I appreciate all of you who support my writing and this blog, it means more than you know. ♡