positive

Long weekend with nothing to do

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Honestly this weekend is making me a bit upset when I think about how I’m not out having a huge BBQ with friends or family and/or not going to the dells… I just want life to be normal again. I don’t like complaining but I also am very much tired of all of this.

Today I streamed on my Twitch channel because that’s something I decided to start doing. It’s interesting, I am trying to figure out more things to do on the stream so if anyone has suggestions just let me know! I could just be open about my mental health on there… I’m not sure if Twitch is the place for that though LOL.

I also went on a walk which was both great yet terrible. It’s hot and sunny today, which I love, but also it’s like 90% humidity outside and I was dying. I’m so glad to be inside enjoying the AC right now. I’m going to go shower and get ready for my stream at 6:30 because my boyfriend agreed to try to do my makeup which should be fun! I hope everyone’s enjoying their weekend!

When this is over

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When this is over, people will be more friendly. Strangers will say “hello!” and engage in polite conversation, rather than just faking smiles or simply not making eye contact.

When this is over, people will reach out to their friends and loved ones more often. Family members will catch up and have meaningful discussions, without being distracted by their devices.

When this is over, people will be nicer to themselves. The constant self-doubt and loathing will disappear, and instead self-care and confidence will take over.

When this is over, people will enjoy concerts and festivals more than ever and will learn to live those moments to the fullest, rather than recording and taking pictures to post for irrelevant “likes.”

I hope that during this time people are working on themselves and improving aspects of their lives as best as they can in their situations. I hope people are self-reflecting and realizing what is truly important to them, and what makes them genuinely happy.

We never know what life will throw at us, but having good people beside us when it gets hard makes it all a bit easier. More importantly, we are the only ones who are guaranteed to be by our side the entire time, therefore it is crucial that we love and care for ourselves. ♡

Stuck inside

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Well, so much for this being my time to travel! Being inside isn’t exactly my favorite thing, but I’ve been trying to be productive! This morning I did a workout downstairs in my woman cave, and I did a load of towels and have just been slowing organizing the house. I mean if I’m here and have nothing else to do, I might as well clean up and be productive!

I am happy to see that there are still people being positive during these times, because I feel like we need that more than ever. One of my friends decided to pick up some rocks and bricks around her neighborhood and paint them and then put them back out around the community! It’s something small, but it could make someone’s day who’s just on a walk.

Another great thing is that one of my good friends who has been struggling to get pregnant just announced that her and her husband are having a baby in October! I am so happy for them; they’re just such great people and I just know they will be amazing parents. They deserve the absolute best, and amongst all the shit that’s going on the in world, they are defying odds and making miracles happen.

Feel free to share any good news stories or something you’re proud of. Let’s remember that we are all in this together and there’s no point in being negative and upset when we have no control over what is happening.

Weird World

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I feel like we’re in an endless episode of black mirror; it feels like we’re in some alternate universe. The stores are more empty than ever before, there’s barely any traffic, and it’s eerily quiet outside. I have so many thoughts but I seem to focus on any of them for more than a few minutes.

Our state just issued a shelter in place that starts at 5pm today. We can still go to grocery stores, work, pharmacies, and gas stations- but other than that many places are closed and we are all to stay inside to prevent the spread of coronavirus. I understand that we don’t want this to spread, and many people are dying from this in other countries, it just really feels like there’s more going on than just the virus.

My dad was always into conspiracy theories, and as much as I hate to admit it, I think he may have passed some of that onto me. No, I’m not crazy and I understand that conspiracies aren’t always reality, but sometimes you can’t help but question certain things. I think that there’s something much bigger going on than this virus, and this just happens to be a great way to instill fear in people so we are more willing to give up rights; but I digress.

I decided to work on my woman cave yesterday. I might as well have a space that I love to be in if we have to quarantine for weeks! It honestly will be nice to spend time with my boyfriend and the cats; I feel like it’s good for humanity to take a step back and remember what is truly important in life. I don’t want to just sulk around when all of this is happening- I feel it is important to stay positive and keep looking at the bright side.

Perks

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I’m trying to teach my brain to focus on the positive aspects of my job and not the negative/stressful parts. I know that anywhere I work will have its share of stress and shit to deal with, in which case I should be focusing on the benefits I receive from doing this job.

I don’t think I’ve really dove into what I do for work, but I manage a dental practice (two offices). I used to work in dental about five years ago and am very familiar with the healthcare field since I was just at a dermatology practice for almost three years. I definitely add value to this office and everyone I work with makes sure to tell me, which I appreciate.

The reason it’s so stressful is because the doctor I am working for hasn’t had an office manager for the past ten years, and on top of that all of the front desk staff wasn’t calling on insurance claims, getting patients insurance information, demographic information… you know, all the common sense stuff that you get in a healthcare practice! Needless to say, I walked into a literal clusterfuck.

As those of you have read in previous posts, I am very hard on myself. In the beginning of this job I kept telling myself that after a year the office would be running smoothly and it would be a walk in the park… well I was VERY wrong and of course am upset with myself about it. What I fail to acknowledge is the fact that I had basically zero training at this job, there were about seven people who came and went within my first six months of working there, we see upwards of 25+ patients a day and also the phones don’t stop ringing.

I am the person who checks patients in and out, answers the phones, schedules patients, calls on claims, sends out claims, sends dental records, coordinates referring patients to specialists, billing, etc. I do it all. This is why I’m so overwhelmed, but it’s also why the office isn’t where I want it to be at this point. I am doing too much and there’s barely any time to breathe, let alone fix the past four years of chaos that went on in the office.

Alright I realize I said I was going to talk about the perks and focus on the positives, but I feel like I need to explain the work load and why I have trouble remembering the good things. Something that the doctor I work for did for us last week was she paid for us to have a private pilates lesson; not only that but after the session she signed us up for another one for the end of this week! She wanted to get back into pilates and she thought we could all use a nice stress relief, and it’s great to work for someone who genuinely cares about their employees.

Another great thing is she has a house in Hawaii, and she lets her employees go stay there for free! Well we obviously pay for the airfare, but we have a house to stay in! My boyfriend and I will be taking advantage of that in October. I can also basically take off whenever I want to as long as I give enough notice! I get paid well, I’m not salary so I still get paid overtime, and for Christmas she gave me $400 in AMEX gift cards.

Overall, there are definitely great benefits from being at this job. I have no plans to leave, I know I can get this office where it needs to be. I just need to remind myself that good things take time, and I am doing my best. I feel like reminding myself of the good will keep me motivated and more positive. ♡