May October feel cozy and sweet, like the cinnamon and pumpkin seasonings in our drinks.
May October feel like a breath of fresh air, bringing peace and quiet to chaotic minds and bodies.
May October feel like letting go, releasing all of the weights and worries that were never ours to hold.
May October bring clarity and comfort to all who are needing a little extra lately.
I pray October is bringing love, blessings and peace to the entire collective. I pray we are present enough to see and receive all of life’s beautiful offers and opportunities. I pray that this month we’re all able to trust and lean into faith, rather than succumbing to fear and doubt. May October be blessed. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I messed up my streak! Oh well, guess today is day one again! I had a fun weekend, so it was definitely worth missing a blogging day. Yesterday I took my mom to the Bears Vs. Cowboys game!! She loves the Cowboys, so that was kind of a bummer that the Bears suddenly figured out how to play football yesterday, but either way the experience was awesome!
On Saturday my husband and I went to a local Oktoberfest and met up with my friend for her birthday! It was so fun being a little kid again riding all the rides and just enjoying the atmosphere! I feel very blessed to be living this life, and the fact that I can be present to the love around me is also a blessing in and of itself. Being someone who has been chronically anxious, it’s nice to be able to feel joy in the present moment.
We were never meant to take on the weight of the world, we’re meant to focus on making our own world better and allowing that to pour into the rest of the universe.
It can be hard to watch loved ones struggle and be stressed, but that is when they need love and support more than ever.
“Give, but don’t let it empty you.”
Confirmation bias is real- use it to your advantage.
Boredom means you aren’t in constant chaos; you feeling bored? Congratulations, you’ve found peace.
You don’t have to fix anyone else’s problems, just like they don’t have to solve yours.
I am releasing perfectionism; I no longer hold myself to impossible standards, I just prioritize authenticity.
I am releasing the tension and stress that is stored in my physical body.
I am releasing the negative thoughts and feelings that are keeping me from following my dreams.
I am releasing all attachments that are not genuine or pure; I only have space for people who lift me up and love me in the same way I do for them.
I am releasing any left over resentment and anger that has been sitting in my body and mind.
I am releasing the negative programming and thoughts that I absorbed from others who were projecting their own fears and insecurity onto me.
I am releasing the feeling of needing to prioritize other people’s comfort over my own; I am allowed and encouraged to speak up for myself when I feel uncomfortable.
I release all that no longer serves me, or my higher purpose, and I do so gently and with love.
Today was such an incredible day. My family from Iowa came out to visit and take me and my husband out for my birthday. They also blessed us with a very generous gift, and I’m beyond grateful for them. I feel just so grateful and lucky honestly, and I am just happy to be present to it all.
My husband and I also went over to visit his family at the farmer’s market! They have a barbecue business and they’re a vendor at the market every Friday, so we decided to stop by and say hi! When we were leaving the market, another vendor selling cute jewelry caught my eye, and I ended up getting a cute evil eye bracelet, ring, and a pair of snake earrings! It was 3 for $30 and I just happened to have $30 cash in my wallet!
Tomorrow I get to see some of my good friends as we all get together to celebrate my birthday!! We’re gonna go to the local fair and I can’t wait to get a funnel cake as my birthday cake! I’m not a huge cake fan, but I loooveee me some funnel cake so honestly I’m so excited for this! I’m also just excited to see all the people who make me happy and feel loved- it’s just the best feeling.
I also get to take a mini girls trip early next week to go see Glass Animals in concert and I am looking forward to that as well! I’m just feeling so blessed and happy to be living this life. I’ve healed enough that I am actually able to feel the love around me and truly be happy, and I am so grateful for that.
I went through a whirlwind of a mental health journey, and I’m still forever learning and evolving (as we all are)
I feel like so much abundance is on the horizon
Like I’m shedding these layers of programming
My inner critic is shrinking
My inner child is happy and growing
My inner compass is aligned
My inner knowing is strong
I always had the strength – I survived through everything in the last 3 decades
I survived when I was too young to know how to- my brain / amygdala knew how to though
I lived a lot of my life in survival mode, and within the last couple years I have finally been able to feel present- I’ve cried tears of joy over just being.
Just being.
And it’s crazy to think that maybe that’s the them of 30s… just being.
I’ve been struggling a bit lately, and as wild as it may sound, I feel like mercury retrograde has something to do with it. When mercury is in retrograde, the past is brought back up. Whether it’s people from old relationships showing up, old wounds being reactivated, or really anything that is making you feel like “I’ve been here before,” the past is making its way back.
The ideal way to handle mercury retrograde (in my opinion) is to now handle these situations with more wisdom and patience than you had before. In a sense, we want to be able to navigate these circumstances from a higher awareness- a Higher Self. If we’re constantly distracting ourselves from feeling and dealing with these issues, then they will continue to repeat in different areas of our lives.
This time around, I’ve been in a bit of a shame spiral. I’ve been eating horribly lately, and I am actively not doing anything about it. I am thinking about food in an unhealthy way again, yet I don’t even feel worthy of changing to live a heather lifestyle. I feel like I actively sabotage any goal I have for myself (i.e. eating healthy, starting a podcast, writing a book), and I can’t tell if it’s just because I am a lazy POS or I genuinely don’t think I deserve anything of these things.
I have not been giving myself grace lately, and I know that I’m in a bad headspace when I am having such rigid, black and white thinking. I am very “all or nothing” right now, leaning heavy into the nothing part of it. I know that I still have issues with self trust, which stems from growing up in an alcoholic home, but it’s just annoying that I am literally avoiding the things that I could do to build self trust, because I’m scared of becoming obsessive or letting my perfectionism take over.
I had a little conversation with ChatGPT today, which actually kind of helped me just feel more validated in how I have been feeling. I asked it: “How do adult children of alcoholics who grew up as only children of alcoholics learn self worth and self trust?” and it really helped lay out some tools and steps for what to practice. I then ended up asking it: “What if the adult child feels that whenever they do start a routine or working towards self trust that they become obsessed and they fall into perfectionism?” and this is what came up:
I honestly didn’t even have this ah-ha moment until now- my black and white was never really “me”- it was a response to growing up in that extreme environment. It did feel like it was either good/bad or safe/dangerous often, and I also didn’t have any sibling to validate my feelings with- I internalized it all. I live with this in me, but it does not have to define me. I am always healing, and the more I understand how my brain operates, the more grace I give myself which makes room for more love and growth.
Deep down I know these heavy feelings I have right now are temporary and I will feel better again; I do feel it is important for me to actually pay attention to what’s coming up and try to feel and heal through it all. I am enough exactly as I am. We’re all complex humans with different life experiences, and we all could use a little more grace. We’re all here on earth for the first time (that we know of), and we’re all just trying to navigate our way through this chaotic, unpredictable life. Sometimes we’re in survival mode, other times we’re living and thriving, but regardless, we’re always evolving.
From Dark to Light 