Yesterday was such a lovely day! My husband and I went out to breakfast, grabbed some more diamond by numbers from Hobby Lobby, and I made some yummy fresh juice and lemon ginger shots for the week!
Today I’m gonna call my friend who is doing some traveling in Peru to hear about all her adventures and see what her next plans are, and other than that, it should be a nice chill day!
The sun has been shining all weekend and we finally got into 40 degree weather, so basically I have been reborn and I’m alive again! LOL! However I definitely am ready to smell some grass and flowers- but we’re getting close!!
It is another day of the “arctic tundra” here in the Midwest. Luckily, we should be leaving the negative temperatures today, and I decided to leave my house today to get some coffee! I really wish I had planned ahead for these cold temperatures by booking a flight to the Bahamas or something, but I’ll just have to keep that in mind for next time. I have been in a little bit of a funk with feeling overwhelmed at work and just feeling the darkness of winter; I also just had my period and it was six days late so that didn’t really help. The more I reflect on this, the more I am realizing that I need to let go of control at work. I put this immense pressure on myself to stay on top of all of these things, but being in the insurance world, there is literally so much beyond my control.
At work, and in life in general, all I can control is my own reactions and my attitude. I have been so overwhelmed by all of the changes in patient’s insurance plans and still dealing with the remnants of our horrible transition with the new front desk- literally my period has been late the last couple months, and I knew they would be late because I was so stressed out! My body has been tense and I’ve been exhausted, and I no longer wish to put myself through this. I know I need to work on a good routine on how to decompress and also ideally work towards my wellness goals, but I know the focus just needs to be on self-love rather than shame. Since I have been in a negative headspace, it hasn’t felt like a good time to pursue a wellness routine- when I do these things in a place of self-loathing, it’s never healthy, nor does it end well.
I know I just need to focus on rest and joy. I have been feeling the need to stretch, so I am going to do some more of that today. I know I need to talk to my body nicer and be more mindful about how I speak about it. It’s easy to get into comparison culture, especially in the new year and seeing everyone posting themselves in the gym and eating really healthy, but 1. people always post the highlights, and 2. my journey is mine, it is not meant to be altered or influenced by others. I know that deep down, we all know what is best for us. I know that the more I listen to my gut and actually mindfully work towards my goals, the more confidence I will have, and the easier it will be to let go of things beyond my control.
I ended up reaching out to my boss and letting her know I cannot come in today. I’ve been so overwhelmed at work lately, and these last seven weeks have been harder than the entire two years I’ve worked there. I’m glad I have understanding bosses, as I really haven’t had that in the past and I could have never asked for just a mental health day; but here I can be honest and just say “I need a day so I don’t burn out,” and they get it! Now I can rest and take this little break for myself and come back on Monday feeling recharged and ready to tackle the world!
Life has been a little hectic lately dealing with sick cats. We brought our diabetic cat to the vet to stay all day for her glucose curve, and they ended up finding a tapeworm in her stool. They told us that they come from fleas or eating mice which is even more confusing because our cats show no signs of fleas, and the one time she caught a mouse (8 years ago) she definitely brought it to me like most cats do.
She then of course didn’t feel well due to stress from vet and now taking dewormer, but we also had to stop her insulin as well. Now my other cats started throwing up this week, one of which had diarrhea, so we had to drop off stool samples from my other cats off at the vet this week and was supposed to get a call yesterday but the vet was in surgery so she didn’t call. Today we should get the results and if the other cats have worms, then we also need to treat them.
Part of me is scared we are overdosing our cat with insulin, even though the vet says we aren’t even at max dose yet, but I swear she’s been like deteriorating since her diagnosis in May. She has arthritis, which makes sense because she was holding lots of extra weight for a while, but just seeing her walk so slow and not wanting to be walking around for more than a few steps is hurting my heart.
We’re gonna have to bring her for a second opinion about the diabetes and dosage too. I just want to see if maybe there are other, more natural routes for her. She’s about to be 10 so I know she’s a senior kitty now, but I’ve had cats who lived to be 17 and I’d love to see our Mushu get there.
It’s hard having all of our babies not feel well- luckily the other two have stopped puking/having diarrhea so hopefully that stays like that. Of course, if their stool does have worms, then we will have to deworm. We will see what the vet says today and hopefully we’re on the upswing from here!
Yesterday was rough at work – again thanks to Aetna just dropping their contracts with Careington and forcing so many providers out of network with NO NOTICE!!! But I’m just trying to remind myself that I am doing the best I can with what we have to work with, I just feel bad for patients and it’s frustrating that the insurance company literally tells patients that we decided to leave the network which is BS! There’s only so much I can do, we’re doing all we can to help and keep our patients, so that is what matters.
Happy Friday!! Lorde’s new album came out! I have already listened through twice considering it is only 35 minutes long, and I love it! I have a nail appointment today, and we’re going to our friend’s game night tonight, and then tomorrow morning I get my hair done and we have another friend’s house-warming party! It’s going to be a great weekend! Who else has fun weekend plans??
I saw this post that said something along the lines of “start thinking of people as energy, you’ll spend your time wiser.” There’s just no point in spending time with energy vampires, all they do is suck the light out of you.
High school never ends until you decide it does. No matter where you work or where you further your education, you’ll have people around you who still want to spread lies and drama as a form of their own entertainment. It is up to you if you’re going to feed into that energy.
Gratitude is a magical thing. I find that I am so much more present and happy when I practice daily gratitude.
Success and being “rich” looks different to everyone- get specific with yourself about your dream life. What does it look like?
Love is always the answer, and I believe that no amount of material items could replace the feeling of genuine love and connection.
Time to check in and count some blessings. Life’s been feeling heavy lately, and I am ready to release this energy and allow good vibes to flow. I know there is so much beauty beyond the pain when we are present enough to see it.
I am grateful for my husband- I’m blessed to have someone in my life who is such a supportive, caring person; truly my rock. I feel like I have a teammate in this lifetime, and I am so happy to see our evolution throughout the years. He makes me feel beautiful every day, and I just feel so lucky to have him in my life.
I am grateful that we both have our jobs. We’re blessed to have jobs that allow us to live our life comfortably, and we’re blessed to not hate our jobs as well. I’m very grateful to be at my current job, and honestly I can’t see myself leaving unless I actually get to be a stay at home mom one day. My husband has climbed up through departments at his job over the last ten years, and I’m just so proud of all of his growth.
I’m grateful for our home. We everything we could ever need in our home. From food and clean water, to appliances and electricity- we’re blessed to have access to all of these things and to be able to afford them.
I’m grateful for my genuine friends. I am blessed to have friends who truly love and support me for who I am. I have friends who don’t see me as competition or anything other than a loved one, and that’s how I see them as well. We all just want to see each other thriving and happy.
I am grateful for sunshine and nature. Sitting in the grass and just being still while soaking up the sun has been a way for me to ground myself and kind of let go. I’ve done this a few times during my current grieving, and I will say it feels good to just sit in it all. Being in nature just reminds me of how small we all are in this world, and how blessed we are to just be here.
More than honorable mentions: my cats, iced coffee, music, my car, slippers, yoga pants, my comfy bed, shampoo, youtube… there are truly so many things I could list, and for that I am also grateful. I live an incredible, abundant life, and although it feels heavy and dark at times, I know how lucky I am, and I know how important it is to check in and count our blessings.
finding light in the dark 