It’s back for work for me today after a three-day weekend. I am happy that I was able to sleep well and I am feeling a lot better than I did yesterday, so I’m trying to keep that positivity going today.
Today at work I am going to focus on getting my tasks done and getting ahead since I have an appointment to go to in the morning tomorrow. I am grateful we are able to wear our headphones at work again so I will be listening to some positive podcasts and learning while I work.
The intention for today is staying grateful and positive, and not letting other people’s stress or worries interfere with my own happy day! I am in control of my own emotions, and I am choosing to make it a great day.
Sniffles and cuddles are making up my weekend, and I’m so glad that I took tomorrow off. I’m getting over a cold so it’s nice to just relax and spend time with my love. I was feeling good enough on Friday to get lunch and go shopping with my mom, and we had a great time getting stuff for an upcoming baby shower that we’re looking forward to!
I’ve been on a social media break this month, only using snapchat as I consider it to be basically like texting, but the other day I did realize I was watching those ad-ridden snap drama videos and that’s when I realized why it is also social media and a huge distraction. I logged out of Instagram which I honestly don’t know if I have ever done, and right now I don’t even miss it. I was noticing myself fall into the pressure of posting consistent reels and trying to keep up with engagement, but in reality I don’t have any need to do that. I want to increase my joy in life, not my stress levels.
When I first logged off, I was noticing how often I would just click into the app without even thinking about it, and honestly it was several times a day! I’d see I was logged out and immediately back out, but it has made me realize how instagram / social media has become a total impulse and addition in my life. I originally didn’t want to detox from Instagram because I don’t want to miss out on my favorite podcasters and creators who are looking for topics or questions for their content, or missing out on any giveaways or announcements, but I just kept reminding myself that what is for me won’t miss me.
I’ve been on this spiritual journey, and I honestly love the positive, magical posts I typically see in my feed- but I didn’t feel like I was living to my fullest potential and focusing on my own goals because I was constantly distracting myself with other people’s lives and content. I won’t lie, I’ve found myself still distracting myself with TV and maybe a little shopping, but this is all good information for me to have. I need to start being real and honest about how I abandon my own needs and goals, and I know I’m not the only human who falls into these patterns.
I have also spent time listening to podcasts, which honestly just makes me feel like I’m learning and it gets the wheels turning when I hear different opinions and perspectives. I also started reading a couple of books, but definitely haven’t dedicated enough time to reading as I originally planned. At least now as I actually sit and check in with myself, I am able to slow down and remind myself of what I feel is truly important. I have been resting and have had a packed lunch for work every day, which has definitely made me feel better!
I told myself I’d be taking a month of social media, and at this point I am honestly thinking about taking more than that off. I want to refocus and keep coming back to myself every single day, and make sure I am prioritizing what actually makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Reading, movement, music, podcasts, conversation… I have to actively make room for these things that are helping me to reach my goals. It’s 11:11- I think that’s a sign to end on that note.
Sending love to all, and some extra to those who need it right now.
It’s 11:11am as I start this post, just after we celebrated the date 11/11 yesterday! I’ve been seeing that number a lot lately, even prior to this weekend we just had, and I see it as a good sign. A couple weeks ago I listened to an episode of the House of Herby podcast where Qveen Herby (Amy) and her cohost/husband Nick talked about the concept of happiness. Within the episode they discussed Aristotle’s levels of happiness, and it keeps popping into my head so I decided to look back into it for myself. I added sources to the bottom of this blog, but all of this information (other than my own insight/experiences) is from the articles listed at the end. Now let’s dive in!
According to Aristotle there are only four levels of happiness: Laetus, Felix, Beatitudo, Sublime Beatitudo. Laetus is happiness from material objects, Felix is Ego gratification, Beatitudo is the happiness from doing good for others and making the world a better place, and Sublime Beatitudo is ultimate, perfect happiness. I’d say it is important to note that the first two levels focus more on ego, while levels three and four focus more on soul. As human beings, we all have an ego, so make sure to give yourself grace as you reflect on these levels. I can admit fully that I definitely get happy after making purchases or getting my nails done, which is happiness you find in the Laetus phase. This level’s happiness comes from external sources and is short and fleeting. In this article from The World Counts, it mentions how people who only focus on this level of happiness often see life as shallow or without meaning, because all of your happiness comes from things/external sources. I could definitely see how that could be a problem in life. If all of my happiness came from the clothes I purchases or the dip manicures I get, I would be constantly spending money and seeking out more dopamine hits, while simultaneously creating a financial burden for myself. I’d also probably get bored of spending money on the same few items, so I may start to add in bigger purchases like vacations or designer bags. Considering this would definitely feed parts of my ego, this could technically lead into that second level of happiness: Felix.
Felix focuses on ego gratification, where one’s happiness comes from appearing to be “better” or more admired than others. Sometimes when we are proud of a purchase or are excited about a nice vacation, we like to post pictures to our social media accounts for everyone to see. This isn’t necessarily “good” or “bad,” but it does produce some sort of result. One may feel more happy when they notice they are getting a lot of likes or views on their post, and they may feel supported or validated from these external opinions. This again isn’t “good” or “bad,” but for some, this dopamine hit can start to create an addictive pattern where they may start to seek this external validation more often, which in turn does feed the ego. According to a 2023 article from Forbes, when humans achieve a short-term goal and feel a sense of accomplishment, that is when we experience Felix. This happiness can come from a promotion, raise or some sort of recognition/praise, and this can be beneficial to the human experience. I personally see this as a good thing, as I have received raises and promotions in my lifetime, and experiencing those achievements makes me feel even more motivated to work harder and keep moving forward. In my personal life, having reached certain goals with my mental and emotional health, it makes me eager to learn more and I personally wish to help others grow and see their own potential for creating more happiness. This type of mindset of helping others to succeed leads into level three: Beatitudo.
Beatitudo starts the shift from ego to soul, as this level focuses on the happiness from helping others and making the world a better place to be. This level is about moving away from doing things just for yourself, and making intention decisions and actions that benefit those around you. It is important to note that people can get lost in this level and forget the importance of still tending to one’s own needs. According to this post from cbttherapies.org.uk it is important that we do not define ourselves as unworthy if we don’t always give love. We are still human beings with egos, emotions, flaws, and we are not meant to be perfect. It is essential to one’s own health that we are still tending to our own happiness and making sure we are at our best in order to have the capacity to act in service of love. This level is based on the desire humans have for compassion, connection and meaning, and this level leads to more lasting happiness and it feels deeper than levels one and two. I have a goal to help others, but am still finding the balance so I do not lose myself in other people’s emotions and lives. I always have been a sensitive person and I often feel I physically take on other people’s worries and pain, so it is important that I do not drain myself or lose myself in the process of helping others, as that will ultimately defeat the purpose. I have to be at my best to give my best, I have to be in a state of love to spread love- it is important that you take care of your own needs first.
Level four, a.k.a Sublime Beatitudo is a level that most would see as being in a spiritual realm. This happiness is akin to enlightenment or transcendent, and psychologists label this desire for ultimate happiness as a call for connection to source. This level seems impossible to achieve, but in reality this level has no definitive answer, as each human has to discover their own purpose in this lifetime. Some will fulfill this desire through religion or spirituality, while others through art or science… the choice is up to you and what you feel called to do. Just as level three is basically leaning into “love,” I’d say level four is also “love,” but actively and consistently showing love to all others and one’s self. I’d say this is when we release the ego and start to fulfil our soul’s purpose and desires for the greater good. In this state, and I’d even say in level three, one does not feel “better” than another person, one sees themselves in everyone. We are all humans, and we are all mirrors of each other. The good you can see in others is within your own soul. The ugly you see in others is often something you can see within your own ego. Living in a state of grey, recognizing that it is not just all black and white, this is where (I believe) true peace is achieved. Not being attached to fears, but being free from the pressures that the ego feels.
Overall, happiness is an emotion that us humans are lucky to feel. Sometimes happiness can be short and fleeting, but in other regards it can be lasting and satisfying. I do ultimately feel like the choice is up to us, but I also feel like many people are stuck in survival mode and dealing with unhealed trauma that can hinder their mental processes in different ways. Becoming self-aware and having knowledge about your own brain and how it works can open doors to new perspectives and ways of thinking, and doing so from a place of love and compassion is absolutely crucial. The ego is delicate and often can feel threatened when confronted with the fact that it may be toxic in some ways, but in reality all humans have toxic traits. The only way we can deal with them is actually sitting and reflecting on our own responses and habits, rather than avoiding them. Becoming self-aware has helped me tremendously in my growth and my healing journey, even if some stuff wasn’t easy to hear. I believe that in order to achieve perfect, absolute happiness, we need to fully lean into love and the desire for overall peace. It is crazy to see how Aristotle’s ancient philosophy applies to the modern world, and overall interesting how he looked at humans and their happiness on this four-level scale. Thank you to House of Herby for mentioning this scale, and thank you to the below articles/sources for providing me with more information/insight on the topic. Wishing everyone a happy Sunday, make it as happy as you want it to be!
This is a post for myself to talk/write through my limiting beliefs and hopefully make more sense of them and let them go, so I can start reaching my full potential. Scorpio season is all about addressing our shadows and working with them so that we can release what no longer serves us, so I am taking this time to do so.
Limiting Belief #1: “I am stupid.”
This is not necessarily something I believe anymore, however I know there are remnants of that thought that still sneaks in every time I think about pursuing certain goals. Who am I to educate anyone? Who am I to tell my story? Who am I to know what is best for anyone? That’s the thing though, I don’t. I don’t claim to know what’s best for anyone- I only know what’s best for me. That is the same for everyone- only we know what is best for us. I never claim to know more than I do, and I am first to admit when I am wrong or when I do not know enough about a topic. Nobody knows everything, and I am no exception. I do know what has helped me navigate through my own life and I find myself admiring others who are vulnerable and authentic, so why deny myself that right? Likely this stems from the next limiting belief.
Limiting Belief #2: “Attention is bad.”
I notice a lot of triggers around attention within myself. I’ve talked about it before that I am not one who loves the spotlight, nor am I one who needs to tell everyone my business or my struggles when I am going through it, because I just don’t like that sort of attention. I never have dressed really flashy or worn anything really revealing as I know that draws attention; and I especially do not like any sort of sexual attention like cat-calling or stares as I am not easily accessible so I do not like to advertise myself as such. I do get confused when I see others who are constantly looking for attention and validation online, and I don’t judge because I don’t know their life, but I also can’t help but have questions in my head because it is so different from how I think.
I struggle with this battle of attention because I no longer feel that keeping myself “small” in the world is serving me. With these certain projects I want to pursue, it would take me putting my full, vulnerable self out in the world and even promoting it so that it can reach the audience it is meant to. I understand this means going completely against my weird animosity towards attention, but I am also trying to focus on the mission behind it. I have always been one to care deeply for others and I also always want people to have happiness and peace in their lives, mainly because I know how horrible it is to feel empty when life is going exactly as you wished it would.
I guess I just have to focus on my intentions, and let go of the fact that everyone will always have their own opinions and perspectives, just as I have mine. If I share my story publicly, I know the intention is to help others and show how freeing it can be once you acknowledge the pain and work to release it. If I dress in a way that is different from the “norm” and it draws some attention, the intention behind any outfit of mine is to feel good for myself. I remember if someone was wearing something bright or “different,” I’d always hear “they just want attention.” But in reality, people typically dress for themselves, not others. One of my favorite artists is Qveen Herby, and that bitch is always rocking some loud ass clothes and has zero shame because that is what she feels the most herself in. She doesn’t do it for attention, she does it to make herself and her inner child happy.
Limiting Belief #3: “I am not worthy.”
As someone who has most definitely had judgments of loved ones, who has been a chronic “fixer,” who has been a perfectionist and a people-pleaser (aka manipulative), why am I worthy of any sort of love or success? Why should I share love and light when I have fallen victim to the ego a plethora of times? Why should I give advice when sometimes I can’t even take my own? Why should I encourage everyone to seek happiness and inner peace when there are times that I’d rather sit and pout? When I write this out I realize though that this is everyone, isn’t it? Aren’t we all battling between ego and soul? Isn’t our human body and experience about growing and finding the balance between the two? I don’t even believe that everything is just black and white, I know it’s a million shades of grey- so why wouldn’t it be acceptable for myself to be one (or more) of those shades? We’re meant to evolve and grow, and it’s inevitable that we will make mistakes along the way… but that’s the point. I have to make mistakes to learn from them. I have to try and fail in order find the best path forward. I have to be as human as everyone else if I am trying to relate to the humans around me. I am not meant to be perfect or be everyone’s cup of tea- I am meant to be my own person and be a person that I love.
In reality, I am not stupid- I am forever learning. Having attention on me is not wrong, as long as I am true to my values and intentions. I am worthy of love and joy because I radiate that from my soul, and genuinely want the best for everyone. I am more than these limiting thoughts that come into my head, and I refuse to feed them anymore. We are not our thoughts, but also we can choose certain thoughts that help us create a better reality. I am choosing to love myself for me, and free my authentic self from the shame and guilt that I sat in for so long, because I deserve it. I deserve peace, I deserve love, and I deserve happiness, so I am choosing to give these things to myself.
Today I was eating lunch with my boyfriend in our dining room as we listened to Mac Miller’s Tiny Desk Concert on vinyl, and out of nowhere I started to cry. I could feel the tears coming and I didn’t even try to keep them away, because what I felt wasn’t sadness… it was happiness. I felt so present in that moment and I was just taking note of how wonderful my life is, and it made me emotional.
I thought back to when my boyfriend and I first moved into our apartment over eight years ago, and just how mentally unwell I was. I remember thinking to myself that I had everything I wanted, and I was still so empty. It felt like even though I had achieved my goals and lived a life I wanted, it wasn’t enough. I was confused and angry with myself, and I just kept thinking “what is wrong with me?” I blamed myself. I hated myself. I didn’t feel worthy of the life I had, and in reality, I was anxious and depressed.
Every day felt like a battle. I was constantly arguing with myself between “rational me” and “irrational me,” which really now I look at as my inner child vs. my present (or not so present back then) self. I hated that I had such a short fuse and I was always racing the clock; I never could sit still or enjoy anything in my life, because to me, my worth came from what tasks I was completing. I didn’t feel worthy of relaxation when I had assignments to do or house chores. I didn’t feel I was worthy of fun or any sort of meaningful time to myself, and looking back, all I can say is I am so happy to be where I am today.
I feel so blessed when I can just sit and feel the joys around me, and actually feel full inside. I notice the blessings and actively practice gratitude and that honestly has made a huge difference in my journey. I have found it easier to let go of what is beyond my control, and I also find it easier to flip my perspective to a better one when I find myself in moments of stress.
Eight years ago I never would have imagined that I’d be living this way; having self-compassion, actively seeing a therapist and seeking self help through podcasts and books, and truly feeling joy in my every day life. Life is a journey and I know I will have more challenges to come and curveballs to be thrown my way, but now I know I can trust myself to navigate any situation thrown my way- and for that I am so thankful and proud.
Thank you for this wonderful life. Thank you for the blessings around me. Thank you for the love I have surrounding me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Last night was a Full Moon with partial lunar eclipse. Eclipses are a powerful time, and they tend to stir up some chaos within us, and we can choose to go about this in two ways: let it consume you, or embrace it and let it heal you. I have been looking inward at some of the issues that have been coming back up to surface, as I am ready to release them and focus on what is meant for me.
I spent a lot of my life in an anxious state; I would worry about my loved ones dying suddenly, or I’d worry that I’d get a horrible car accident- really I was always on edge waiting for something horrible to happen to me or someone I loved. I struggle to have many memories as I was constantly worrying about the future that I wasn’t there to enjoy the present. I get sad when I think about all of the memories I have that I will never be able to access because I never truly soaked them in.
I have been working hard on being more present in my life, and I am proud of the progress I have made. As much as therapy and certain books have helped me along the way, I feel like stepping into my spiritual journey has also helped me to make great progress. Being able to recognize how little control I actually have over situations in my life and being able to surrender those to the universe has lifted a weight off my shoulders.
Sitting and worrying about death or health issues or natural disasters does absolutely nothing except for stress out my brain and body, and take away the ability for me to be present. Reading quotes like “if it’s out of your hands, it deserves to be free from your mind” is definitely easier said than done, but with faith in a higher power it makes it feel easier.
I feel like I turned away from God pretty young, likely because I was raised going to church and Sunday school only until I was about 8 or 9, and then it seemed like we never went or talked about God again. I don’t even know what I thought about that when I was a kid, but as I dealt with more death in life it seemed like I believed less and less in a heavenly Father. I still can’t tell you that I believe in God, but I do believe there is something bigger than us.
I can feel it in the synchronicities that I see in my every day life. I can feel it in the love that I have with my life partner. I can feel it in the connections I have with good friends. I can feel it in the gratitude I have for the wonderful people and things in my life. I can feel it in the silence when I actually sit down to mediate. I can feel it when I write.
I used to shy away from this as I always felt the need for logic and science to explain what is happening, and honestly most synchronicities can be explained by neuroscience (neuroplasticity- brain rewriting), but I can feel it in my gut that there is a higher power. The more that I think about it, I believe that power is actually love. As a collective, when we all come together for peace and love, the energy changes.
My mom often talks about after the tragedy of 9/11 how people seemed to care more about one another and actually speak to each other, rather than how we all turn away and argue today. When we are divided, we are easily manipulated and can lose control and a sense of love for one another. It’s easy to see things as black and white or red and blue, but really it’s all grey and purple. Instead of judging and assuming someone else is wrong, we should be looking for productive conversation and try to learn from one another.
Every person I’ve met has trauma, and we are all a lot more the same than we are different. I also recently heard this on a podcast and although it is obvious, it still opened my eyes: the villain and the hero both have traumatic pasts, but the choices they made after their trauma is what determined their future. I remember after seeing the Joker movie how I sympathized with his character and saw how only just some help and love could have him to create a different life- and we can all do that.
We can show compassion to one another.
We can empathize with one another.
We can listen and learn from one another.
We can help one another.
In reality, we’re all mirrors. We’re all reflections of each other, and we aren’t as different from each other as we may think we are. Stepping out of the Ego mindset and into the Soul allows for love and acceptance to flourish. When there is love, there is peace, and we all deserve both. I leaned into spirituality and will continue to do so as it has helped me to release so much fear and anxiety and has allowed me to be present to the beauty around me, and I have no shame in that.
Today has been interesting to say the least, and even though I was struck with a feeling of complete exhaustion, I was able to muscle through it. I allowed myself to just stretch and watch a tv show and just let my body relax, and then I got back up to finish up a project for a friend.
Honestly I am super proud of myself. I went to the grocery store today and I made a huge salad for the week and even made egg salad for the first time (which is FIRE by the way). I got the fruit all washed up and put into jars, as I had coworker tell me how she stores them in jars and they last longer and I’ve been doing it ever since. I even made breakfast for myself and my love!
I will say, during the time that I was making the food I was literally blown away and felt like I was completely losing my mind, yet finding it all at the same time. As I have talked about before, I am on a spiritual journey and I have slowly started to embrace it more. I am someone who has always believed in karma and in “signs,” but I never really noticed the signs as much as I do now. Lately I’ve been seeing all of the angel numbers (111, 1111, 444, etc.) and I’ve been trying to focus on the positives in life.
Before I started to wash and prep my food for the week, I wanted to make sure I had some music or a podcast to listen to. I originally was going to listen to some Lana Del Rey that I hadn’t listened to before, but after listening to one song I quickly realized I wanted to switch to a podcast instead. I knew right away that I wanted to listen to House of Herby, which is singer/songwriter Qveen Herby’s podcast, and I started with their “Transformation” episode from 2022, and listened to that as well as the episode after that titled: “How to Manifest.”
Now, I’ll be honest, I cannot remember whether this was mentioned in that first episode or second one, but at one point Amy (Qveen) brings up the book Complex PTSD by Pete Walker. Now this is exact book that my therapist is currently working through and keeps citing during our sessions, and I kept putting off buying it; that was until I heard this episode.
So naturally I go on Amazon to see how much the book is and I add it to the cart. I need to note that I am definitely more of a bargain hunter and I save money where I can, so with that being said I do not pay for Amazon Prime. Amazon gives you free shipping if you spend a certain amount of money even if you don’t have Prime, so I just always make sure to hit that minimum so I don’t have to pay for shipping. I decided that I’d buy a couple other books that I’ve had on my list.
One of these was “The Universe has your back” By Gabrielle Bernstein, and the other is “Letting Go” By David Hawkins which I heard about on an earlier episode of the House of Herby. I get my free shipping and then I go to choose a payment method and BAM! I have enough cashback on my Discover to cover the ENTIRE ORDER! Like helllooooo!! Thank you, Universe!
Now that the order is placed it’s back to working on my egg salad. It came time for the mayonnaise to get added in… and tell me why Amy and Nick literally start talking about mayonnaise out of nowhere! It was at the exact moment I was spooning out some mayo from the jar and they start talking about “scraping mayo off of manifestation.” So of course I start freaking out and I pause the episode and start telling my boyfriend about how we’re all clearly in a simulation, and when I return back to the podcast Amy is saying how she doesn’t even know how they got to mayonnaise in this episode. Like girl, tell me about it!
So if that wasn’t weird enough, later on in the episode they are talking about law of attraction and synchronicity and she literally says: “the universe has your back! just as Gabrielle Bernstein says.” ……. LOL excuse me? I just ordered that book??? What?? Mind you, I have other books of Gabby’s and I love her work, but I just happened to purchase that exact book of hers less than an hour ago?!? WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
So I try to calm myself down while simultaneously recognizing that big daddy Google must be so far up my ass that I have figured out my own life’s algorithm, and I continue meal prepping and listening to the episode. My boyfriend is in the kitchen at this point and emptying the dishwasher and I start telling him like “I just bought that book! After buying the book that she talked about that my therapist also has!” And we chat and keep listening and then Nick brings up “Letting Go” by David Hawkins. I literally was shooketh. I exclaimed: “THAT WAS THE OTHER BOOK I BOUGHT.” Literally I felt like I was definitely co-creating with the universe at this point.
In that moment I was so overjoyed at all of the synchronicities happening and I was feeling so in tune with myself and the universe. I felt like I was right where I should be, and I just know I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Life is a lot easier when you focus on the things you do have control over, rather than worrying about the “what ifs” and missing out the present moment.
Overall today was a great Sunday, and I am so glad I’ve learned to love Sundays, and that I was present for all of todays beauty. 7:27 on the clock now- I’ve been seeing that a lot lately- with that I will sign off. Time for more relaxing! So grateful for this life.
Who am I? A mere mortal; a body of flesh and bones that moves amongst earth until it’s buried beneath it? Am I more than the blood in my veins or the organs within my vessel?
Who am I? A glistening sphere of light; a soul that brings joy and peace to others lives? Am I more than my empathy or the love within my heart?
Who am I? A deck of cards; the many faces that bring luck and abundance to some, but fateful defeat to others? Am I more than the value that others put on me?
Who am I? The Earth’s moon; the phases of darkness and illumination that pierce the cracks of my shadow? Am I more than the waves and chaos that I create?
Who am I? What is my purpose? To accept the fact that everything is temporary and attachments are unnecessary? To bring a sense of comfort and calmness to my inner and outer world? To show others that they all have a bright light within them, even if it may have been dimmed or distorted along the journey?
Who am I to judge anyone, including myself, when I am just a human being like you? Who am I to shame anyone, including myself, when we’re all guessing and learning along the way? Who am I to know what’s best for anyone, when the only shoes I’ve walked in are my own?
Who am I?
I am me. I am a person full of anger and sadness that weighs heavy on my body. I am a human full of flaws and imperfections that make me unique. I am a woman full of strength and kindness that pours from within. I am a soul full of empathy and compassion that overflows from the depths of my heart.
This morning we will experience a solar eclipse. Although I only dabble in astrology and I don’t believe everything I see or read, I definitely believe that our energy is affected by the planets, sun and moon. Especially for me, being highly-sensitive/empathic definitely allows me to feel the shifts.
I’ve been having some interesting dreams this week: I had one where I met Taylor Swift, which was a super fun and relaxed dream, but I also had a dream that I needed to take in a 12-year old child to take care of and that I needed to convince my boyfriend to adopt him. I really don’t spend a lot of time analyzing my dreams, although I always say that I want to and then don’t, but I feel like maybe my dreams are trying to remind me to see the good in myself.
Throughout this year I’ve been battling with myself about the idea of me being a fraud. I kept feeling like because I have some negative thoughts or judgments about other people’s actions that made my niceness and empathy fake. However, I know that during the human experience we are going to experience dualities in our lives, and some like to break it down between the Ego and the Soul.
As I’ve been more aware and I’ve been open in my therapy sessions, I’ve recognized that I am not a fraud at all- I am simply a human being. If someone else does something that does not align with my values, it is normal to feel put off by that. Me trying to empathize with them and still being nice and supportive about other parts of them or their life doesn’t make me fake, because I truly do try to see other people’s perspectives and I care about others.
I think where I struggle is that sometimes I wonder if I should be bringing up to that person how I am seeing their actions and behaviors from my lens. I know I am not God and I do not know what is best for anyone at all, but I feel dishonest sometimes if I am not being fully transparent about how I feel about something. At the same time though, it isn’t my job to tell people about themselves or change anyone. This is where my battle lies, but it’s easy for me to just say “If this doesn’t impact my life directly, then I am not going to bring anything up.” Which isn’t really wrong, but something in me still feels inauthentic.
It is not my job to fully understand anyone or everyone, it is my job to understand myself. It is not my job to tell people about how I see them, it is my job to treat them with respect, while simultaneously setting my own boundaries with them. Distancing from people is nothing to feel guilty about, especially when you know that a conversation has no chance of going anywhere (i.e. narcissistic people, people with victim mentality).
All I can do is listen to my gut and spend time with those who fill my cup, rather than just use me to fill theirs. I am sensitive, which allows me to be nurturing. I am grateful, which allows me to be happy and to spread my joy. I am resilient, which allows me to give hope. I am emotional, which allows me to be empathetic to others. I deserve to be around people who make me feel light and recharged, not drained and confused.
I will continue to heal myself and listen to my intuition, and I am grateful for this next chapter. This solar eclipse represents transformation, illumination, and abundance and I am ready for it all.
finding light in the dark 