Today is my birthday, and I have made it 28 years around the sun. In the best way, I still feel very young. Sometimes I wonder how I am able to find balance between being a responsible adult and still enjoying the magic of the world as a child would, but then I think about how this seems like a natural state to me. I have always been highly sensitive, and I believe that allows me to experience those same levels of joy and excitement that young children do over seemingly “small” joys. Seeing cows or horses out of my window while driving still brings me the same level of happiness that it did when I was younger, and I even feel the same childlike joy that arises when I get an M&M Blizzard. Today I was excited to have a free drink from Starbucks and was able to treat myself to my newest guilty pleasure, and this honestly already made my whole day! Being present and aware of my happiness has been important for me, as I used to focus on my anxiety and despair, and I truly believe that mindset shift has changed my life for the better.
I had heard the saying “energy goes where focus flows,” and then after learning about the Reticular Activating System (RAS) in our brains, it made complete sense. Our RAS is a magical tool, as it works based on what we are feeding it. For example, when you are shopping around for a new car, typically you start seeing the car you’re interested in everywhere you go. Or when you are trying to conceive, you may feel like you are seeing pregnant women everywhere, but in reality there aren’t really more pregnant people, instead your RAS is just focused on that right now. When I was first struggling with my panic attacks and severe anxiety, all I could think about is how “horrible” my brain was and how “crazy” I was, and that was really all I could see. It didn’t matter when my boyfriend or my friends told me I wasn’t, I had told my mind that it was true, and now it was doing everything to focus on what made that true. Once I was able to recognize this (which was several years into my therapy/healing journey) my life changed for the better, and gratitude ended up being a huge help.
I recently listened to an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast where she discussed the difference between being thankful and grateful. What I took away from this episode was that feeling gratitude is much more powerful than just being thankful, because in the gratitude you truly feel it. As I sit here at my kitchen table, I am thankful that I have a laptop to type this on and that I can afford my WordPress subscription, but it is not until I truly pause and focus on the true magic within these privileges that I have that I can step into gratitude. I also had a close friend tell me about what her therapist taught her, and she said that when practicing gratitude to think about events or specific memories where you felt overwhelmed with happiness so that you can easily step into that feeling. It is when we step into the joy and love that we get aligned with ourselves and we can access that magic in the world. Now when I see my signs such as repeating numbers or bunnies, I can feel the ping of joy in my heart, and I allow myself to feel grateful in those moments.
This year I plan to continue on this healing and self-love journey, as I can see the progress I have made. I know when I need to isolate and take time for myself, and I no longer feel guilty for it. I am better at speaking up when I am bothered, but I am also recognizing when it is not necessary to share an opinion. It all comes down to not only how I feel, but if it directly impacts me or my life. I am actively working on practicing non-judgement with myself, and this will inevitably spill out to the world around me. I deserve to feel happy, and I deserve to do what makes me feel good as long as it is not harmful to myself or my dreams. I honestly believe that everyone deserves to feel good, and although it may mean working through the traumas and toxic traits, I promise the end result is worth it. We deserve love and happiness in this lifetime, so I intend to seek it and be it. Cheers to 28 years!
From Dark to Light 