I have always been observant, even as a young child. I moved to an apartment complex with my parents when I was turning 5-years old; I was an only child, so moving to a place where there were a lot of children was great! I had so many instant friends, some became long-term friends, however as time went on, we have all drifted apart. Life goes that way sometimes, but I will always be grateful for knowing these people, as I feel it as definitely has widened my perspectives of others.
As a child, I loved being outside with my friends. For years we would run around knocking on each other’s doors, asking everyone to come outside to play! As I grew older, I’d notice the freedom that my friends were getting that I wasn’t, and it made me very angry with my parents. I mean, most of my neighbors were younger that me, and it seemed like they were allowed to do more than me.
I can’t say this is what started my observing habits, because I feel like I always had been paying attention, but I feel like I honed in more on the parents of my friends and watched how they acted. Although I was upset with my family (for more reasons that what are stated, but that is not the point of this blog post), I realized that I didn’t want parents like my friends had either.
I was witnessing parents who really didn’t even seem to care about their kids; they just wanted them out of their face so they could do whatever they wanted to do. Parents who were purposely causing fights with other parents in the neighborhood, which goes hand-in-hand with the parents who loved the drama more than anything else and would let it consume them. My parents definitely have flaws (I mean who doesn’t, all parents are just winging it), but I can definitely say that for the most part, I was their #1 focus and priority.
I have had a lot of healing to do from my childhood, which unfortunately is common for many. Although, what I find to be more unfortunate is when people do not take the time to learn from their triggers/traumas, and then proceed to procreate and pass on it on to the next generation. If you are unhappy with your mental health and how you react to certain situations, why would you want to bring up a child in that environment to endure those same feelings?
I understand that everyone has different lives, different interests and different priorities. I understand some are lucky to have insurance and/or money for therapy, and others are not. Luckily there are other resources for information such as in the library or on the internet, but people would truly need to want to do this and/or feel the need to do this in order to have success with it. To me, it seems for many people that this is not a priority, which will only hurt future generations.
I personally know that I do not want to pass on anxiety, depression and/or OCD to my child, as that will give them some (possibly crippling) disadvantages in life. No one asks to be born, that is a decision made by two other people’s choices and actions; the least I can do is try to set up my future children for success. I do not have children yet, but we plan to hopefully in about three years.
I understand life will be drastically different once I have a child, but that baby will be my number one priority. My child will grow up knowing that their parents love them, and also knowing that they love each other, as unfortunately many children have divorced parents which is another statistical disadvantage.
My boyfriend and I already talk about our ideal goals for our children when it comes to schooling and we want them to be able to choose any sports/extracurricular activities they want. At this point in our lives we’re paying down our debts so that this is goal easier to achieve once the time comes. I’m also focusing now on getting into healthier habits so that I can pass those on to my future children.
Of course I will make mistakes along the way, again all parents are truly just winging it. Everyone does things differently, but what is important is that the children feel loved and know that they are taken care of. Again, no one asks to be born, that is someone else’s choice/decision. We should all want the best for our children, and we should want the best for ourselves.