I hated getting asked this:

blog

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

“When are you guys getting married?” “When is he gonna propose?” “What’s taking so long?”

In one way, I get it- we were together for 12 years before we got engaged, and in this society that is “not normal.” In another way, I am like fuck society and these fake timelines that we love to project onto everyone.

I personally am very happy with my fiancé and our relationship, and I was happy prior to having a ring. I also am a more private person and especially when it comes to things that I find to be very precious or intimate, so it can be easy to assume things when there aren’t a lot of details given. But we all know what happens when we make assumptions… lol.

I am happy with this timeline of my life, and I am excited to be able to tell our future children about our love story and show them how healthy, true love can look. I am happy to have this foundation built prior to jumping into marriage, as we are both so confident in our relationship and we know the best and worst parts of each other.

If we would have gotten married right at 18 or 19 before we moved out, we would have been judged for that. At the same time, we had judgment from family about us moving in together so young, and a couple years after that we even had judgment thrown at us when we decided to buy a house.

I have my own views, as does my fiancé, and considering we are the only people in our relationship, our opinions are the only relevant ones when it comes to us. In general, people are always going to have opinions, but what is important is that you stay true to your own beliefs and values, despite all of the outside noise.

I cry

blog

I cry when I listen to people who are brave enough to release their truth- being completely vulnerable and open in front of such a chaotic, loud world.

I cry when I hear someone talking about the progress they’ve made and celebrating their successes.

I cry when I hear about devastating loss, and when I think about the strength that each human has to be able to continue through life after such tragedy.

I cry when I listen to people talk about true, pure love and when I can see it beaming from their eyes- seeing the wave of emotion take over and wash away all fears.

I cry when I feel, which is often. I used to hate crying but now I love it. It’s a release, but it’s also a reminder of how deeply we can connect to ourselves and each other.

Autobiography Opening Sentence:

blog

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

“As an only child who was raised by functioning alcoholics, Jena was destined to be a healer.”

LOL not gonna lie, writing that sentence weirdly made me more motivated to pursue certain projects that I’ve been avoiding.

Thank you.

Good Morning, Monday!

blog

My intentions for this week are to stay grounded in my own happiness and peaceful energy. I plan to focus on all of the love in my life and start getting back into my health goals: less eating out and more movement!

I’ve been struggling with some neck/shoulder pain that has traveled to the arm, and so I need to make sure I am focusing on getting my body back to optimal health and preferably minimal pain. I went to the chiropractor for this pain before (back before it was this bad) and they relieved me of my pain there, but then I started struggling with the lower back pain.

When I started PT for my lower back and started getting that feeling back to normal, I could feel the twinge in my shoulder coming back, but when I’d make little comments and PT they weren’t addressed. Now, I know I could have spoke up and advocated more for myself, but I didn’t and since then my insurance has changed so I think it’s time I get back for a fresh start. I can’t see my primary care until the end of the month, so for now I will be seeing what stretches and exercises help me in the meantime.

Now it’s time to start the work day! I hope everyone has an amazing week ahead!

Prompt:

blog

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

Moving out with my significant other at 19 was a huge turning point for me. I was financially responsible and prepared, but my traumas and mental health caught up to me which started a long journey of healing and growing.

Going to therapy, having to advocate for myself when trying different medications for my anxiety, actually coming to a place in my mind where I didn’t hate myself and my brain… all of these experiences have helped me grow. I am blessed to be regulated off medications now, but like any other human, there are still things I continue to work through and will be doing for the rest of my life; the difference is that now I finally feel I’m worth it, and I’m healing out of love, not shame.

Do I believe in fate? 100%

blog

Do you believe in fate/destiny?

When you look up the definition of fate, Oxford dictionary defines it as “
the development of events beyond a person’s control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power.” When I read this I initially thought about the quote “everything happens for a reason,” which also happens to be the first tattoo I ever got. That is something I have always been told and something I have always believed.

I’d like to believe that there is a higher power that has a greater plan and everything is happening as it should. This is something I have been finding peace in and can completely understand why people are religious and/or spiritual. It’s much easier to let go when you trust that there is a positive source conducting your life in the best possible way. There isn’t any way to prove it, but our brain will automatically look for confirmation bias and it’s honestly more enjoyable to believe that than the chaotic, anxious thoughts that used to spin around in my brain.

My heart is full

blog

I had such a wonderful weekend hanging out with great people and just having fun! On saturday I celebrated one of my best friends’ birthdays and we went roller blading and then made cute cocktails and played a hilarious game back at her place. Today I hung out with one of my other best friends and we had a successful shopping day after enjoying some delicious coffee and matcha early this afternoon!

Now I get to relax and spend time with the love of my life before I get some rest. I am looking forward to this week ahead, focusing more on my health and taking another social media break. I am excited to get focused again and see how much I can do! I am so grateful for this life and for all of the people in it. I am looking forward to a great week ahead!

Crabby Release

blog

I’m so hormonal and crabby today, I feel so amped up. I know my period will be here in the next couple days and I am just over everyone and all of their shit. I have a weekend jammed with fun and friends, but I can feel myself already overwhelmed with how I’ll get my other tasks done.

I know that once I sit and breathe and plan it all out it’ll all be fine. I also know once I start my cycle I will still be tired but I won’t be so stressed or amped- it’s always right before when everything feels so intense.

I wanna take this time to just release all that is not serving me and ask my angels and guides of the highest good to assist me in keeping me calm and focused on the positive. Please take the worries that are beyond my control, and allow me to see what I need to see in order to feel more clear and present. Allow me to open my eyes and ears and truly understand what I need to understand at this time. Thank you.

Favorite People

blog

Who are your favorite people to be around?

My fiancé is my favorite person to be around for an infinite number of reasons, but if I had to narrow it down to one it would probably be his nervous system. What I mean by that is he is always so calm and confident that whatever happens will be okay, and he seems so regulated. When I am having a stressful time, I can feel it all melt away when I am in his arms.

As far as the general idea of favorite people: I love the people who are real, who are direct and who are kind. I don’t appreciate lying and I’d much rather someone be honest about who they are and what they like, and fully embrace and express their true selves. I love people who laugh a lot and don’t take life too seriously, because in reality, none of us make it out alive.