What experiences in life helped you grow the most?
Moving out with my significant other at 19 was a huge turning point for me. I was financially responsible and prepared, but my traumas and mental health caught up to me which started a long journey of healing and growing.
Going to therapy, having to advocate for myself when trying different medications for my anxiety, actually coming to a place in my mind where I didn’t hate myself and my brain… all of these experiences have helped me grow. I am blessed to be regulated off medications now, but like any other human, there are still things I continue to work through and will be doing for the rest of my life; the difference is that now I finally feel I’m worth it, and I’m healing out of love, not shame.
When you look up the definition of fate, Oxford dictionary defines it as “ the development of events beyond a person’s control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power.” When I read this I initially thought about the quote “everything happens for a reason,” which also happens to be the first tattoo I ever got. That is something I have always been told and something I have always believed.
I’d like to believe that there is a higher power that has a greater plan and everything is happening as it should. This is something I have been finding peace in and can completely understand why people are religious and/or spiritual. It’s much easier to let go when you trust that there is a positive source conducting your life in the best possible way. There isn’t any way to prove it, but our brain will automatically look for confirmation bias and it’s honestly more enjoyable to believe that than the chaotic, anxious thoughts that used to spin around in my brain.
I had such a wonderful weekend hanging out with great people and just having fun! On saturday I celebrated one of my best friends’ birthdays and we went roller blading and then made cute cocktails and played a hilarious game back at her place. Today I hung out with one of my other best friends and we had a successful shopping day after enjoying some delicious coffee and matcha early this afternoon!
Now I get to relax and spend time with the love of my life before I get some rest. I am looking forward to this week ahead, focusing more on my health and taking another social media break. I am excited to get focused again and see how much I can do! I am so grateful for this life and for all of the people in it. I am looking forward to a great week ahead!
I’m so hormonal and crabby today, I feel so amped up. I know my period will be here in the next couple days and I am just over everyone and all of their shit. I have a weekend jammed with fun and friends, but I can feel myself already overwhelmed with how I’ll get my other tasks done.
I know that once I sit and breathe and plan it all out it’ll all be fine. I also know once I start my cycle I will still be tired but I won’t be so stressed or amped- it’s always right before when everything feels so intense.
I wanna take this time to just release all that is not serving me and ask my angels and guides of the highest good to assist me in keeping me calm and focused on the positive. Please take the worries that are beyond my control, and allow me to see what I need to see in order to feel more clear and present. Allow me to open my eyes and ears and truly understand what I need to understand at this time. Thank you.
My fiancé is my favorite person to be around for an infinite number of reasons, but if I had to narrow it down to one it would probably be his nervous system. What I mean by that is he is always so calm and confident that whatever happens will be okay, and he seems so regulated. When I am having a stressful time, I can feel it all melt away when I am in his arms.
As far as the general idea of favorite people: I love the people who are real, who are direct and who are kind. I don’t appreciate lying and I’d much rather someone be honest about who they are and what they like, and fully embrace and express their true selves. I love people who laugh a lot and don’t take life too seriously, because in reality, none of us make it out alive.
I’ve been enjoying all of the love that is surrounding me. From the love within these walls that is shared with my fiancé, to the love exchanged in fun facetime calls with friends, to the love that extends beyond miles and reaches family in far places. I have been so blessed to have such great support, and it’s something I am trying to be present to and truly appreciate in the moment.
I have been constantly making lemon ginger immunity shots for a few weeks now, as well as putting together lunches for work and fruit jars as healthy snacks. I’ve been slacking when it comes to movement and getting in a good routine with that, but I’m about to have a schedule that is super consistent and I want to plan workouts around then. Even if it’s just starting with 3x a week, I know this is something that my body will thank me for and my future self will as well.
I am feeling another social media detox coming up, and I know that I need it. I remember how great I felt actually taking time to do the things I wanted and feeling like I had more free time and I deserve to have that again. I waste so much time scrolling and I don’t want to keep abandoning my goals and dreams; I am the only one who is standing in my way.
I am excited for this upcoming break and for my time to myself. I am focusing on spending time and energy on things that truly make me feel fulfilled, and I feel so grateful to have so many good people in my life that I can have great conversations with. I am enjoying this chapter of my life, and I am so excited to see what blessings are to come this year!
If you had the power to change one law, what would it be and why?
It may sound extreme, but I feel like children should not have social media or be on social accounts. The more studies and data that comes out after studying the millennials and our insane anxiety and depression shows how harmful comparison culture is and how addictive these social media apps are.
There is a loneliness epidemic because even though everyone is more technologically connected than ever, we’re also more disconnected from ourselves and other humans than ever as well! Children are addicted to likes and views, and are constantly competing against their peers for more attention or internet fame, when in reality these are not the problems any children should be worried about.
Not to mention how horrible bullying gets for children; not only could your entire class or school bully you, but if certain photos or videos were posted to the internet as a means to bully someone, that now has the potential to go viral and be seen by thousands of random people as well! What’s worse is sometimes it’s even parents posting their children’s embarrassing moments or tantrums online!
That also brings up the point of the family vlog channels on YouTube, where there are children who only know life with a camera and have no sense of privacy. These channels, if popular, tend to make money that unfortunately some of these kids will never see. There’s no rules or regulations around children as internet entertainers, and there are parents making tons of money off of their children’s online content.
I understand we need technology and social media for businesses and our jobs, but at what point will there be regulations for children on these apps? How much harm has to be caused in order for people to recognize how important it is to monitor how much time their child is spending online, or even just knowing what they’re doing when they’re in online! There are creeps all over the internet waiting for children who have parents that aren’t paying attention- I think it’s better to play it safe and delay children using any social media until adulthood.
I feel like haven’t really sat down and wrote a post in a while. I know I’ve been answering some of the prompts and making little posts here and there, but I’ll have to do a larger post soon. I have been enjoying life, just focusing on all of the little things and making time for people I love. I got to go roller blading with my friend and her daughter yesterday which was super fun! And on Saturday I got to have lunch with my mom, grandma and aunts! I’m just feeling so blessed and happy lately, and I want to soak it all up!
Are there any activities or hobbies you’ve outgrown or lost interest in over time?
I remember buying my cricut a few years ago and being so excited to do so much crafting. I made shirts and cups and wine glasses and even had some friends who made requests for certain things. Over the years I’d go through phases of being super into crafting and wanting absolutely nothing to do with it, and currently I am in a phase of not wanting to craft at all.
I thought when I got engaged I would be making myself a bunch of “fiancée” and “engaged” gear, and to be fair I did make us a pair of matching hoodies, but since that I haven’t been feeling up to making anything. I’m sure I will get back into another phase and I’ll crank out some projects, but for now I’m just focusing on writing and resting.
finding light in the dark 