universe

6-13-25

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What notable things happened today?

On my way to work this morning I could not get myself together, so I ended up texting my bosses and calling off. Last night we found out that my husband’s cousin lost her battle with cancer. Her health started to rapidly decline recently, and she passed away yesterday morning.

Grief is such a hard thing to navigate. One moment you’re frozen in shock; complete disbelief- almost numb. The next moment, all the emotions come crashing down and around you- completely engulfed in the heaviness. The next you start to think about how grateful you are to have had time with your loved one… to have had them there at your wedding only less than a year ago- then the sadness washes back.

I felt guilty for calling in and being an emotional wreck while my husband, the one who is blood related to his cousin, is at work and holding it together. We are here for each other, we comfort one another, yet I feel guilty for being the one who seems to need more of it. At the same time, I am just a feeling person. I’m sensitive and I love hard, so the loss is hard.

I also am spiritual, unlike my husband, and I right after we found out about his cousin’s passing, I had to tell him about the butterfly I saw. When I was at work yesterday morning, a large, gorgeous black butterfly flew over to the window by my desk. I honestly don’t recall ever seeing a black butterfly before, and definitely not one of this size. I was so amazed and captivated by this butterfly that I couldn’t help but just be in that moment.

When we found out about her passing, after the initial shock and tears I thought about that butterfly. I couldn’t help but think… was that her? This brought a moment of peace amidst the grief: she was telling me that she was still here with me (us) but in a different form now.

Today I am sitting in the grief. I am releasing the guilt and shame about how I grieve. I am not ashamed of how deeply I feel and how much I love people. As a child I was often shamed for my big emotions, which is where this icky feeling stems from; but I know I am not being dramatic. I am being human.

Today I am also leaning into my spirituality and beliefs in our angels on the other side. The signs I see are clear to me, and I know that our loved one is watching us and supporting us from the other side. She had so much love for us here earth-side, so I can only imagine the power of her divine love.

Black Butterfly

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Today I saw a black butterfly

Flying by the window near my desk

I had never recalled seeing such a unique creature

A black butterfly? Was it really?

I kept watching it as it flew past the window in the next room over and then to the next

It was so large and captivating

I couldn’t help but just pay attention to that butterfly in that moment

I just admired in awe

Tonight we got a sad message that a loved one of ours passed away this morning

She was a positive force in this world

So authentic, so caring

She was always smiling and laughing

She truly had the best energy

She remained in strong spirits during her fight with cancer, and today she rests comfortably in peace

This morning I believe she visited me in the form of a black butterfly

Her presence was strong, and captivating

I couldn’t help but just be in that moment

A moment for her to say she is still here, just in another form

Always beautiful

Always remembered

Always missed

Always loved

Happy June

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June is for giving yourself credit for all you’ve accomplished so far this year. 🙌🏼

June is for basking in the sunshine and feeling present in your everyday life. ☀️

June is for surprise miracles and abundance around every corner. ✨

June is for noticing and appreciating all of the love around you. 🤍

June is here to remind you of your true power and potential- may you be present and open to receiving all that is for you. 🥰

Religion (prompt)

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Do you practice religion?

I pray and I have faith in a higher power, but I am not “religious” per se. As a child, I went to a Christian church for a bit, but I don’t remember a lot from that other than being in church choir. I also know I watched a lot of Veggie Tales, but I don’t remember the actual religious parts of the show. I am still struggling with the word “God,” a bit, and I don’t know if that just comes from the fact that I believe we’re all from the same source, but not that it’s some masculine figure in the sky who is ruling us all.

I have seen signs and synchronicities from the Universe; I know that energy matters, and how we talk to ourselves and others is important. When we come from a place of gratitude and abundance, we tend to see more of that in our lives. When we come from a wounded place of lack, we tend to see all the places we are failing. How we tune into the world is how we perceive it, and when I pray to the universe and count my blessings, I feel so in tune with the universe.

When I’m in tune, I see a lot of repeating numbers and hear repeating phrases. I notice many synchronicities and I feel so giddy inside when I notice a sign. I love feeling so connected to the divine and to my angels, and in those moments, I know that we’re all connected all the time.

New Moon Release 5-26-25

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Happy New Moon!! 🙌🏼

This new moon, I’m setting the intention of being less in the mindset of “all or nothing.” This comes into play a lot in my life whenever I am trying to reach a new goal or start a new project, and I know it stems from the perfectionism. This mindset has hurt me in the past when it comes to dieting, as well as healing and even starting my podcast.

When I was doing the Ketogenic diet to lose weight years ago, I was all the way in. I ate all the protein I needed, I made sure to never go over 20 net carbs a day, and when I did, I punished myself for it. I’d mentally beat the shit out of myself for going over as if that would change my entire progress. Even if it did, which it did not, I never deserved to treat myself the way I did. That was way more unhealthy than if I had eaten 20 more carbs!

When it comes to my healing journey, along the way I have found that there is so much to heal from, and I was starting to look at myself as this never-ending project. I was just a human full of issues and problems that would never be fully solved, so I either had to try harder or give up entirely- that is literally NOT the solution. I can be aware and mindful in my life, and the only way to truly grow and evolve is to keep living and just keep checking back in with yourself. I am not a project that needs consistent tweaking and fixing- I am an evolving human.

As far as the podcast that I’ve started behind the scenes, I find myself completely delaying and avoiding it, because I care a lot about it. I know that I want it to be good, but I also am actively fighting against my perfectionism while recording, because I already decided to not edit ANY of it. I ultimately decided that because I know that I will edit and edit and edit until there is nothing left, when my real intention with this podcast is to be raw and real. I can be raw and real at anytime, so I can truly record at anytime- but I get on the mindset of “all or nothing.”

I’m not pouring all of my effort and trying to make this the best (which also applies to everything in my life) my mind then goes: “well, then I shouldn’t do anything at all”- but that is my anxiety and perfectionism taking over. I know in my heart and soul that the black and white thinking is not how we’re meant to be in this world; it’s truly all gray. We’re allowed to be creative and flexible- in fact, it’s encouraged over being rigid.

I am releasing these rigid thoughts and feelings, and I am tuning into the creative flow of life. I welcome all love, abundance, and happiness to flow into my life, and may I be present enough to feel it all. Thank you, thank you, thank you! ✨

Thursday Morning Thoughts

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I’m tired and in bed before I have to get up for work, and just wanted to take a moment to jot down some random thoughts I’ve had recently:

  • peace and calmness can feel odd or off to someone who has experienced a lot of anxiety and hyper-vigilance
  • if you’re taught that everything is scary and is the end of the world, that makes sense why you’d think that. however, we can still unlearn / de-program those concepts that aren’t actually helping us
  • sometimes it feels like our brains are actively working against our healing journeys and that’s because they’re wired for survival.
  • I don’t need apologies from those who have hurt me- I apologize to myself for not speaking up and setting boundaries when needed.
  • we judge people we love because we want better for them, yet we get mad when people judge us or tell us how to live our lives because we know what’s best for ourselves. (plot twist: they already know, it’s just hard to change and develop new habits)
  • life on earth includes oceans, sunsets and sunflower fields, friendships, true love and hugs: it’s not all bad here

Welcome May

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Wow, I can’t believe it’s already May! Getting closer to sunny weather and summertime! I am starting off this month with a girls trip to celebrate my friend’s 30th birthday!! I’m so excited for this month, I can just feel good vibes and energy all heading my way!

I pray that May brings peace and abundance to all of us who are seeking it.

I pray that May is full of love and happiness, and everyone is able to receive it.

I pray that May brings miracles and blessings that leave us so beyond in awe and strengthen our faith in the universe.

I pray that May shows you so many signs and synchronicities; I pray you feel how close your angels and guides are.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. ♡

Monday 3-31-25

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I’m realizing that today is the last day of March and that is just wild to me right now. I had my pre-op appointment for my procedure coming up on Thursday, and I definitely feel more informed, but I’m also a bit more anxious.

I’m not worried about going under anesthesia or the actual procedure, but I’m a little more concerned about the recovery process. It sounds like I will be pretty miserable for quite a few days.

I’m not only getting a tonsillectomy, I will also be have a nasal surgery done that will reduce my tissue and allow me to breathe better… once I’m recovered. During recover though, I will not be able to breathe through my nose at all, because when I wake up from my surgery, my nose will be completely packed and taped.

In an ideal world, I will not have a lot of bleeding and I will not have insane amounts of pain. I am going to follow all the instructions so I can have the best and easiest recovery possible. I am going to continue to remind myself that the pain is temporary, and in the long run it will be so worth it!

No more tonsil stones and recurring swelling. No more insane nose congestion when I have a cold or illness. I’ll be able to breathe through my nose fully and train myself to stop being a mouth-breather. One of my coworkers said after she had hers out at 21, she doesn’t have any post nasal drip issues anymore, and she rarely gets sick- so I am hopeful that I will have that same result!

In the end, I have to put faith in the doctor and the nurses, and I am doing that. I know this is a common procedure and I am actually going to the same doctor that my coworker did, so I know he does good work! I can trust in myself to follow the instructions and be able to manage the pain for a few days.

I also am putting faith in the universe, in my angels and guides. I pray they watch over me during the surgery and recovery, keeping me safe and protected. I pray they watch over my husband while he takes care of me- he hates to see me in pain. Thank you for wrapping us in your love and support, and I trust that all will be more than okay in the end. Thank you, thank you, thank you!