positive

Focus

blog

Today is a relaxing day, and I am enjoying some time alone while my fiancé plays his VR. I decided to do a card pull from Gabby Bernstein’s “The Universe Has Your Back” deck. Before I pulled the first card, I asked the universe to “show me what I need to know.” When I pulled the card, one I have pulled recently, I actually giggled.

After reading “The key to prayer is to forget what I think I need,” I immediately took that as a sign to just surrender and release expectations for the next pull. Normally I don’t even pull two cards, but I knew this time I was meant to. The second pull, also a familiar card to me, read: “I’m unapologetic about what I desire and trust that what I focus on will grow.” That was the card I needed.

I find myself not allowing myself to fall deeply into my desires out of fear of them not being able to be fulfilled. I don’t want to feel disappointed or upset when things don’t go as planned, but I also have to give myself credit where it’s due. I have been able to let go of control a lot more this year as I lean into my faith in the universe. I focus on being present in my life, which has brought so much peace and happiness, and I know that in the present is where I belong.

I feel so lucky to be where I am today. Years ago I dreamt about these peaceful days of hanging out with the love of my life in our beautiful home. I dreamt of the days where I didn’t have constant panic attacks or angry explosions. I dreamt of being able to just relax and do nothing without feeling guilty or unworthy of love. These are the very best days, and I know that I will have even better days ahead, but for now I am so grateful to be where I am.

Full Moon Thursday

blog

Normally I am feeling pretty good on the full moon, but today’s PMS is making me so crabby. I left to work without deodorant on and was literally so hot and sweaty this morning, so I had to stop at the store on the way. Then of course I was late to work- luckily I am at a place where they are understanding, but it still had me stressed. Then at work a bird kept flying into the window and when I went outside to see how the paper/poster-board we were putting up looked, I ripped my scrub pants pocket on the door on my way back in.

I ended up canceling plans w my friend because I know my energy is off and heavy and I am not trying to put it on anyone else, so I am excited to just spend time with myself after work. I know these are all minuscule things that won’t matter tomorrow, so I am not trying to sit and ruminate on it all, but I did want to get it out so now I can work on switching to gratitude.

Luckily, when my pant pocket ripped, it was in a way where no one can see my underwear. When I forgot deodorant, at least I am blessed enough that I could stop on my way to work to get a new one. When I was late, again I at least have bosses who are understanding. I had left work early yesterday due to nausea, and they were kind about that as well. I got to work safely, I have an understanding friend, I have access to things to help me with my PMS, and overall it is not a bad day.

Wednesday Morning

blog

I’m grateful to be waking up in a cozy bed next to the love of my life.

I am grateful for the birds chirping and that the storms have calmed down.

I am grateful for rest and good sleep.

I am grateful for access too food and water, as well as the iced coffee I’ll be having in about an hour.

I am grateful to have loving, healthy cats.

I am grateful for our home and our love.

Thank you for this beautiful day.

Thank you for this beautiful life.

Monday Monday Monday

blog

Today I am tired, but that’s because it’s cloudy out and my weekend was full of fun and good company! My mom and I went shopping and found her an outfit to wear to my wedding, and it was actually the first thing she tried on! She got some cute, flows pants which are perfect for the beach and then a solid cream top! We also found earrings for me to wear and some cute clothes for vacation!

My fiancé and I went to a brewery with this best friend this weekend which was also nice. We had good beer, ordered some yummy pizza from the place next door and just got to enjoy the outdoors! His friend’s dog was with us and she is so well-behaved, but she is also a great guard dog. There were a couple of people stumbling around near us (cops were already nearby trying to handle them), and immediately she was on guard and ready to let them know that they weren’t to come near us.

Yesterday was a more productive day just spent with my fiancé! We got some cleaning done and picked up our groceries as well, and then I cleaned up and re-twisted his dreads at the end of the day! I love days where we just get to spend time together and get ourselves all set for the week.

This week leads up to a long weekend and if weather permits, we will be going on our friend’s boat on Saturday! If weather does not permit, I’ll likely just do more purging around the house and get a schedule together for myself for the week ahead! During the week I have a nail appt and a dinner date with a friend, so those will be nice little self care things to get me through the week!

My lunch break here is almost done so I’m gonna enjoy my yogurt and get back to it! I hope everyone has a great week ahead ✨

Rest Day

blog

It’s a gorgeous day outside, and I am currently sitting in my papasan chair with my cat laying on my torso. I went on a walk this morning which was very refreshing and peaceful. Once I got back home, my fiancé and I went on a scenic drive out to grab some lunch and we treated ourselves to the new summer berry lemonade refreshers from Starbucks.

I decided to read a little while he is playing VR and after a chapter with Mushu purring on me I was quickly falling into a nap. Today is a day to rest and really soak up the love around me. I am so grateful for this life, and I’m happy to be present in these beautiful moments.

I FINALLY SAW THE NORTHERN LIGHTS

blog

One of my good friends messaged me yesterday reminding me to look out for the northern lights (bless her soul), so I had set an alarm for midnight to get up and go luck. Well my ass was too tired at that point and my fiancé hadn’t come to bed yet so I told myself that I’ll think about getting up when he comes to bed!

So at around 2:00am he strolls in ready for bed and I got out of my bed and went out to the balcony. I originally didn’t bring my phone out, so I was just staring at the sky when I can see moving lights and little flashes around the sky- it was so clear and beautiful! So of course I ran back to get my phone and decided to take some photos on night mode! I was so shooketh by the beauty I had captured and needed to share it here!

I am so grateful that I finally got to see this magical light show, and rumor has it I may be able to see it again tonight! We will see what happens, but either way I am so happy I got to see the northern lights finally!!

2:22 on the clock

blog

The angel number of “alignment” is on the clock as I start this, and today I am feeling it so much. I have been at my current job since the beginning of the year, so just over 4 months, and I have been enjoying it! I still do dental billing, just at a new office and I am so amazed at how great the doctors/owners are with being transparent and appreciative. I have been told multiple times that I am doing a great job and they’re so happy with me, and this is something I never heard from other employers other than that their required yearly reviews.

Well today the doctor who I work with the most pulled me into her office today and again gave me great feedback on how I’m doing, and then she proceeded to say: “We want to give you a $2 raise.” My jaw dropped. I literally felt myself getting emotional and my body felt so light but also weird. I thanked her and told her how much I appreciate her and the other doctors being so open and supportive, and I told her that I’ve never worked anywhere like this and how grateful I am to be there.

I am just feeling so supported and loved this year. I’m blessed that I always feel that from friends and family, but to finally also have a job where I feel appreciated is honestly incredible. I work full time 40 hours a week I am at this office, and for a lot of my life those 40 hours were at incredibly toxic work environments.

I worked in places where the boss would talk shit about other employees right to you, which only has you wondering what they say about you when you’re gone. I worked where you are constantly getting more and more work dumped on you, but no compensation to go with it. I’ve also worked places where you’re told to do something but once you do it they are mad and said they never told you to do that.

I think part of me always chose to stay in these chaotic workplaces because I was used to that type of environment in my childhood. Since I no longer had those issues in my home life, part of me would still seek out toxicity so I’d just find it in abusive work environments. In reality, I want peace in and all around me, and I’m finally at a place where I can allow peace and rest to be a priority. Now that I have a job where I am not constantly on eggshells, I finally feel free enough to speak up and discuss any concerns I have without fear of retaliation.

I feel so grateful for this job, and for this life. I feel even more grateful that I am able to be present to it all.

New Moon in Taurus: A Love Letter To Myself.

blog

It’s been amazing to watch you grow into the woman you are today. A woman who is no longer afraid of her emotions. Once upon a time you wanted to completely rid herself of them, and with just a few months of Zoloft that goal was achieved. It didn’t take long for you to recognize how lost you were without them, without your powers.

The sensitivity you have to others and to the world around you is a gift when you learn how to use it, and it’s amazing to see you catching on. I see you allowing yourself to feel that childlike joy and also allowing yourself to feel the anger that you’ve been shoving away for too long. Far too long. See how the world has shifted now that you accept and embrace these feelings? No wonder you want to share this with the world.

You care so deeply for others, for humanity as a whole actually. You’ve seen and felt what pain and trauma does to one’s mental health and well being, which makes it easy to have empathy for those who are struggling. You know what it’s like to not be able to feel the true love and joys around you, and now that you can feel them, you want everyone else to be able to feel them too.

You used to let this empathy consume you; losing yourself in everyone else’s worries that they all endlessly dumped on you. You absorbed the anxieties they had and abandoned yourself for too long, completely losing track of what was yours and what wasn’t. You did all of this while trying to keep up a perfect appearance to literally everyone around you- never releasing your own problems or feelings, because they all had enough to worry about.

You always felt like a burden, which is why you made sure to always put everyone else’s happiness before your own. If other people were happy, then there was less likely to be any conflict, thus giving a feeling of safety. You were in survival mode for most of your childhood and early 20s, and I am proud of the transformation you have made through your healing journey.

You allow yourself to rest without shaming yourself about it; instead you now realize it is necessary to recharge your own battery. You are present in your life, making new memories and taking time to enjoy the time with loved ones. You no longer talk about yourself negatively, but instead with the same empathy and grace you’ve always given to others. You have recognized the importance of speaking up and being authentic, and you openly and kindly share your thoughts and opinions with those who you’re close to. You prioritize spending your time and energy with the right people, and you aren’t afraid to say “no.”

You have grown so much throughout the years, and I am so proud of who you are. You deserve peace and love, and you have it all around you and within you. You are a magical woman with a strong intuition, and you’re a magnet for miracles. I love you so much, and I’m so happy to finally be here with you in this beautiful and crazy world. I am here. I am home.

Free Writing, Free Thoughts. 4-28-24

blog

I am proud of myself for being able to speak about my opinions while still having empathy, and I have had this ability all along. I’ve kept quiet, keeping my true thoughts to myself in times where it was actually appropriate to share them all in fear of hurting another person. Having a different opinion or thought may be offensive or triggering for some, but that is not to be feared, that is to be expected and even celebrated.

If you think about it, now you have an opportunity to learn about this new perspective that has you bothered- meaning now you can learn where this belief may stem from. If you are very set in your belief and opinion, now you get to move forward with these relationships knowing how the other person feels and you get to decide if that is something you can deal with. If I completely disagree with someone’s morals or learn something that changes my view of them, I am allowed to express my concern and/or distance myself. Just as they are allowed to do the same once they know my opinion as well!

It is not a loss when someone leaves after you are open and authentic; instead you now have more room for the real connections that you’re going to make in your life. The authentic and genuine connections only come from you being authentic and genuine. Whatever it is you’re seeking, make sure you’re embodying that in your own life. You are not required to share everything with everyone, and the more you’re open to having conversations, the more you learn to practice discernment. Not everyone is entitled to know every detail of your life, you do not need to share anything that you don’t want to.

The more time you spend with yourself, the more you learn about yourself- but the more you spend connecting with others, the more you learn from others and gain new perspectives. Balance is important. Being in tune with your gut is important. Be still, be brave, and be authentic.

Here Comes The Eclipse

blog

All I see people posting about is the solar eclipse tomorrow on April 8. As I have been dabbling in astrology, I personally am excited for this eclipse. Eclipses are looked at as powerful times where we can harness the energy to set our intentions and truly shift our lives in the direction that we want to go. I am really trying to stay focused on the positive and keep a faith based mindset rather than fear, as of course, the other side of the Internet is all conspiracies about the end times.

The more I go through this life, the more I just believe that we do create our own reality and whatever we believe to be true will be true. I know that can’t really apply to science and math, and it may not make sense to everyone, but if two things can be true at the same time while having complete opposite meetings, then why couldn’t this be possible? Maybe this is the “end times,” but doesn’t that also mean it’s time for a new beginning?

I have not followed any religion closely, nor do I know the stories of the Bible, but there are people who follow the Bible who are noticing the timing and the path of the Eclipse. This path of darkness crosses through many religiously significant towns, such as Jonah TX, and Rapture, IN. Also, the path apparently passes through seven different towns named Nineveh, which is where Jonah had to go to urge people to repent their evil ways otherwise the town would be destroyed. To some, they believe this is the time that Jesus will come back.

I’ve also seen videos pop up on my Instagram feed talking about a solar eclipse that happened in 1811 and how huge earthquakes happened a couple months after that which caused the Earth to open up. We just had a 4.8 earthquake in New Jersey which some find to be ironic, because the solar eclipse is also on 4/8. Apparently eclipses can bring wild weather events, which we are already seeing with the wild storm in KY and also a huge 7.4 earthquake in Taiwan.

Regardless of what the eclipse can bring or what it symbolizes, I am still leaning into faith. I believe this world needs togetherness, along with and mutual understanding and empathy. I believe that the more we continue to love ourselves and let that love spill out and over onto others, the happier we will be as a species. I’m praying that we can come together and recognize how beautiful this world is, how amazing each other are, and how much goodness we can accomplish together.

Leaning into faith over fear. Thanking my angels and guides of the highest truth. Being present to the love around me. I am blessed. I am grateful. I am ready. 🤍