Today was a relatively chill day. My husband had to work, while I was lucky enough to have the day off. I went over to my parent’s place this morning and spent some time with them since we did Thanksgiving dinner at my husband’s parent’s house last night. My mother was kind enough to make me breakfast, and it was nice to just relax and laugh at some HGTV.
I did a little bit of cleaning/reorganizing at home, and I decided to do a last minute grocery pickup for this evening since we are getting a winter storm early tomorrow morning. I’m glad that it’s the weekend and as much as I wanted my nails done, it’s probably best I just reschedule and stay home.
It’s been nice having peaceful days at home. Our friends have been announcing pregnancies and births of their children, and we are still in this quiet season where we can enjoy one another’s company. We do want children in the near(ish) future though, as much as sometimes I do have my fears around it. I have to remember that the Universe has its own plan, and no matter what, I can have faith that all will work out how it should.
Starting the day a little later than usual today because I have to bring my car to the repair shop this morning. Once I drop it off, the rental car people will bring me to Enterprise so I can get my rental for the next couple days, and then I can head to work!
We have our potluck at work today so I am bringing Poppyseed Bread per usual (highly requested family recipe), and we are picking our secret santa’s! I am looking forward to that and trying to keep a positive outlook on this week, as last week felt like a total shit show at work.
Although I am starting the week off a little bit out of routine, maybe that’s exactly what we need for this week. I’m grateful to have my car and my insurance to help pay for this repair, I am grateful for my bosses being so flexible with me while I work through this and my cat’s diabetes (her next vet appointment is this Friday), and I am just grateful to be alive even when times feel stressful.
Sending love to everyone this Monday- cheers to a great week ahead! Even if shitty things happen, we can tune into the fact that we still have many wonderful things to be grateful for.
What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?
I hope my blog makes people feel seen and heard, whether they see themselves in my writing or it inspires them to start their own blog/journal. I hope it gives people who are struggling with mental health hope and happiness, because I am definitely not the same person I was when I started this blog 5+ years ago. It’s normal for us all to have struggles on our journeys, but what’s important is we keep coming home to ourselves, and I hope my blog helps to remind people of that.
Last night I saw Glass Animals in concert with a couple friends and had the best time! I’m tired and sore, but the show was amazing and the merch I got is so cute! I’m so glad we got to do this mini trip, and now I’m ready to go home and cuddle with my husband!
Yesterday I got to hang out with some good friends and celebrate my 30th birthday! We all went to the local fair in town and it was so fun to eat fair food and ride rides like a little kid again! I had the best time, and it’s crazy to think that some of the friends I have are friends I’ve had for 15-20 years! It’s just crazy how we all have grown and evolved over the years, yet we’re still here supporting each other. I’m just feeling so happy and blessed and this is definitely one of the highlights of 2025 for me!
As a fellow Leo, I am taking this new moon personal and I am reminding myself of who I am. This is about self-expression and self-admiration; celebrating your evolutions and successes while being unapologetic about it.
I’ve been feeling more pulled to be creative and be authentic. I’ve been posting reels on Instagram that are purely just me being me- like videos I send to my friends via snapchat. I am just allowing the energy to flow and be, rather than analyzing and trying to perfect everything I am doing.
I have come a long way in these almost 30 years of life (this is my last week in my 20s!), and I am beyond blessed and grateful for this life. On this forever healing journey, I have gone through moments where I felt like I’ve made zero progress. I’ve had times I felt like I completely reverted back to being controlled by my anxiety, but I am recognizing time and time again that it’s impossible to be “perfect” at healing.
Now that I also realize how much I do swing between “neglect” and “perfectionism” on this journey, I am reminding myself that I know that I am not aiming for perfection. I’m aiming to be able to “repair after rupture,” so basically get back up after I inevitably fall out of routine. Every time that I start again after falling into my anxiety, that is something to celebrate.
I hope you take time today to recognize your strength and your growth. May all of the intentions you set today be wrapped in divine light and love.
I’ve been struggling a bit lately, and as wild as it may sound, I feel like mercury retrograde has something to do with it. When mercury is in retrograde, the past is brought back up. Whether it’s people from old relationships showing up, old wounds being reactivated, or really anything that is making you feel like “I’ve been here before,” the past is making its way back.
The ideal way to handle mercury retrograde (in my opinion) is to now handle these situations with more wisdom and patience than you had before. In a sense, we want to be able to navigate these circumstances from a higher awareness- a Higher Self. If we’re constantly distracting ourselves from feeling and dealing with these issues, then they will continue to repeat in different areas of our lives.
This time around, I’ve been in a bit of a shame spiral. I’ve been eating horribly lately, and I am actively not doing anything about it. I am thinking about food in an unhealthy way again, yet I don’t even feel worthy of changing to live a heather lifestyle. I feel like I actively sabotage any goal I have for myself (i.e. eating healthy, starting a podcast, writing a book), and I can’t tell if it’s just because I am a lazy POS or I genuinely don’t think I deserve anything of these things.
I have not been giving myself grace lately, and I know that I’m in a bad headspace when I am having such rigid, black and white thinking. I am very “all or nothing” right now, leaning heavy into the nothing part of it. I know that I still have issues with self trust, which stems from growing up in an alcoholic home, but it’s just annoying that I am literally avoiding the things that I could do to build self trust, because I’m scared of becoming obsessive or letting my perfectionism take over.
I had a little conversation with ChatGPT today, which actually kind of helped me just feel more validated in how I have been feeling. I asked it: “How do adult children of alcoholics who grew up as only children of alcoholics learn self worth and self trust?” and it really helped lay out some tools and steps for what to practice. I then ended up asking it: “What if the adult child feels that whenever they do start a routine or working towards self trust that they become obsessed and they fall into perfectionism?” and this is what came up:
I honestly didn’t even have this ah-ha moment until now- my black and white was never really “me”- it was a response to growing up in that extreme environment. It did feel like it was either good/bad or safe/dangerous often, and I also didn’t have any sibling to validate my feelings with- I internalized it all. I live with this in me, but it does not have to define me. I am always healing, and the more I understand how my brain operates, the more grace I give myself which makes room for more love and growth.
Deep down I know these heavy feelings I have right now are temporary and I will feel better again; I do feel it is important for me to actually pay attention to what’s coming up and try to feel and heal through it all. I am enough exactly as I am. We’re all complex humans with different life experiences, and we all could use a little more grace. We’re all here on earth for the first time (that we know of), and we’re all just trying to navigate our way through this chaotic, unpredictable life. Sometimes we’re in survival mode, other times we’re living and thriving, but regardless, we’re always evolving.
finding light in the dark 