My soul will live on, the ego will die along with the human body. The soul is who I relate more to: leading with love, empathy, and a nurturing heart. Knowing nothing is perfect, nor is it meant to be. Knowing that it’s not all about “me,” or even my human self, but it’s about all of us together. Humans thrive on connection. We lose ourselves in our ego, but that connection is what our souls need. We need peace. We need love. We need acceptance. We need trust. We are meant to feel all of the beautiful feelings and give so much love to ourselves, that we cannot help but pour love onto others.
growth
Early Sunday Thoughts from my Bed
blogAs I lie here half asleep in my comfortable, warm bed, I can’t help but feel content. I remember the days where the second my eyes were open, I was immediately up working on household chores or school work or some other task that probably didn’t actually need to be done; I wouldn’t allow myself to rest. I’d always tell myself “I just have to get it all done now so I can relax later,” but later never came. I’d just add more and more tasks, none of which contained any rest or self care.
I used to feel chronically guilty and shameful when I’d rest or spend any time (or money) on myself. I felt shame around resting because it felt like laziness. I felt shame around spending money on myself because it felt like a waste- like whatever I had just purchased was stupid or completely unnecessary. If something unexpected came up and we needed money, I’d immediately think of how much I spent on myself and feel guilty and like everything was my fault. I always felt like everything was my fault.
I now live a life where I have unlearned some unhealthy patterns and I have released such shameful, guilty feelings for the most part. As a human, sometimes I will get triggered again, but it’s easier to acknowledge and give myself grace as I am aware of where these issues stem from. I feel so blessed to be able to just lay in bed next to the love of my life and relax for hours and not feel an ounce of guilt. Tasks will get done, life will go on, and it’s important to think about which memories are the ones I’ll want to bask in when I’m an old lady.
I’ll never regret cuddles with my fiancé or with my cats. I won’t regret the iced coffees or trips to cute downtown areas. I won’t regret the times I spent writing or being creative. I won’t regret taking the time to count my blessings. I won’t regret nice phone calls with friends. I won’t regret the fact that I decided to focus on my mental health and my own well-being, as it has allowed me to be more present in my life and truly soak in the love that surrounds me. More importantly, it allows me give that love to myself.
New Moon Intentions
blogFocus on the joy, and seek more of it.
See through a lens of love, and accept more of it.
Speak with honesty and kindness, and practice discernment.
Give time and effort to what fuels me and my future, and release the habits that are holding me back.
Be present.
Be mindful.
Be intentional.
Just be.
Good Morning, Monday!
blogMy intentions for this week are to stay grounded in my own happiness and peaceful energy. I plan to focus on all of the love in my life and start getting back into my health goals: less eating out and more movement!
I’ve been struggling with some neck/shoulder pain that has traveled to the arm, and so I need to make sure I am focusing on getting my body back to optimal health and preferably minimal pain. I went to the chiropractor for this pain before (back before it was this bad) and they relieved me of my pain there, but then I started struggling with the lower back pain.
When I started PT for my lower back and started getting that feeling back to normal, I could feel the twinge in my shoulder coming back, but when I’d make little comments and PT they weren’t addressed. Now, I know I could have spoke up and advocated more for myself, but I didn’t and since then my insurance has changed so I think it’s time I get back for a fresh start. I can’t see my primary care until the end of the month, so for now I will be seeing what stretches and exercises help me in the meantime.
Now it’s time to start the work day! I hope everyone has an amazing week ahead!
My heart is full
blogI had such a wonderful weekend hanging out with great people and just having fun! On saturday I celebrated one of my best friends’ birthdays and we went roller blading and then made cute cocktails and played a hilarious game back at her place. Today I hung out with one of my other best friends and we had a successful shopping day after enjoying some delicious coffee and matcha early this afternoon!
Now I get to relax and spend time with the love of my life before I get some rest. I am looking forward to this week ahead, focusing more on my health and taking another social media break. I am excited to get focused again and see how much I can do! I am so grateful for this life and for all of the people in it. I am looking forward to a great week ahead!
Prompt: Law Change?
blogIf you had the power to change one law, what would it be and why?
It may sound extreme, but I feel like children should not have social media or be on social accounts. The more studies and data that comes out after studying the millennials and our insane anxiety and depression shows how harmful comparison culture is and how addictive these social media apps are.
There is a loneliness epidemic because even though everyone is more technologically connected than ever, we’re also more disconnected from ourselves and other humans than ever as well! Children are addicted to likes and views, and are constantly competing against their peers for more attention or internet fame, when in reality these are not the problems any children should be worried about.
Not to mention how horrible bullying gets for children; not only could your entire class or school bully you, but if certain photos or videos were posted to the internet as a means to bully someone, that now has the potential to go viral and be seen by thousands of random people as well! What’s worse is sometimes it’s even parents posting their children’s embarrassing moments or tantrums online!
That also brings up the point of the family vlog channels on YouTube, where there are children who only know life with a camera and have no sense of privacy. These channels, if popular, tend to make money that unfortunately some of these kids will never see. There’s no rules or regulations around children as internet entertainers, and there are parents making tons of money off of their children’s online content.
I understand we need technology and social media for businesses and our jobs, but at what point will there be regulations for children on these apps? How much harm has to be caused in order for people to recognize how important it is to monitor how much time their child is spending online, or even just knowing what they’re doing when they’re in online! There are creeps all over the internet waiting for children who have parents that aren’t paying attention- I think it’s better to play it safe and delay children using any social media until adulthood.
Mini Post
blogI feel like haven’t really sat down and wrote a post in a while. I know I’ve been answering some of the prompts and making little posts here and there, but I’ll have to do a larger post soon. I have been enjoying life, just focusing on all of the little things and making time for people I love. I got to go roller blading with my friend and her daughter yesterday which was super fun! And on Saturday I got to have lunch with my mom, grandma and aunts! I’m just feeling so blessed and happy lately, and I want to soak it all up!
Protect Your Energy
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Our energy is a form of currency, and it’s important to spend it intentionally. As a recovering people-pleaser, I felt out of touch and out of control of my own energy for years. I was so focused on shoving down my true feelings in order to keep other people comfortable and to avoid any conflict or confrontation. I carried shame around my emotions; I never felt like I was allowed to express my feelings, and I definitely wasn’t taught how to do so in a healthy way.
As I grew older, I noticed resentment building inside. I was feeling so angry about everything because I felt like my life wasn’t mine. I was so focused on other people and how they were able to live their lives for themselves, and I lost myself and my own wants and needs along the way. I was spending all my time and energy focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than focusing myself, and it completely drained me.
I had to start coming back into my body and paying attention to how I felt around certain people and situations. I had to start being honest with myself about what I actually wanted to spend time doing and what I was doing just to “keep the peace.” Instead of saying “yes” right away out of some feeling of obligation, I started saying “let me think about it” to give myself time to sit and listen to how my mind and body truly feel before committing to anything.
Coming back to myself has been a long journey, and I continue to fall into the ego and find old habits trying to creep back in, but now I am more aware of myself and what I need to do to protect my own energy. sometimes it’s just being selective with who I spend time with, other times it’s taking a break from people in general to recharge, and sometimes it’s talking to the universe/God/source. regardless of how it’s done, it is done with intention. ✨
Wednesday Wisdom
blogJust like that, January is over! if you didn’t start a new resolution or you fell out of the one you had, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT! you’re a human, you are unlearning years worth of habits, and things take time! give yourself the same grace and love that you give to your best friends, and step into your power 💕✨
Bloguary Prompt
blogWhat do you complain about the most?
I’d probably say that I complain the most about people. Mainly I am used to complaining about people at work who aren’t doing their jobs, but I recognize that complaining doesn’t help. This year I am at a new job, and the difference is that I am currently just observing and making notes and bringing this to the attention of my boss so we can try to come up with better processes. I also complain about people I know, but that is something I am actively working on this year, because I know I need to take accountability.
In general, this year I am working on discernment and speaking up. Instead of whining and complaining, this year I am focusing on solutions. This also applies to relationships with friends and family- instead of b*tching about someone’s behavior, I will take note and set boundaries where I see fit. If something does not have an effect on me, then I can take steps to remove myself and ignore. If something does bother me and affects me directly, it is my responsibility to speak up.
No one will ever know I am upset or bothered if I keep shoving it away, and honestly that hurts all parties in the end. It hurts me, because I am not expressing my needs or feelings, and it hurts them because I have basically been lying or hiding how I’ve actually been feeling. It may come as a shock to people when I actually start expressing my feelings, but it’s only fair to me to finally allow myself to trust in my feelings and advocate for myself.
No more fearing confrontation. No more people-pleasing. No more manipulating and invalidating my own feelings. No more whining and complaining about things that don’t impact me. No more faking niceness to “keep the peace” or to avoid hurting other people.
I am not responsible for other people’s feelings, I am responsible for mine. I would never go out of my way to be disrespectful, but I also will no longer tolerate being disrespected. I deserve better, and I will do better.
finding light in the dark 