celebrate

2/22

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Today’s date is 2/22 and 222 is the angel number for alignment. I am feeling so blessed this morning as the sun is shining and my husband sleeps peacefully next to me. I have a busy day ahead of getting my nails done, running errands, and then celebrating one of my best friend’s 30th birthday!

We’re all going out to dinner tonight and going rollerblading after, which I am so excited for! Today will be filled with self care, great conversations, and just lots of love and happiness! I love celebrating birthdays and I love being able to hang with good people!

I hope everyone has a magical day- may you be present to all of the blessings around you!

Tired, Happy, Present

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Yesterday my fiancé and I had our joint bach/engagement party with our friends! We went go-karting and had some friends back to the house after for some drinks and yummy mini bundt cakes! Everyone who couldn’t make it had told me to take pictures and have fun, and I definitely only did one of those things!

I only got a couple photos at the racetrack, and none had me in it LOL, but I’m happy with how everything turned out. My fiancé won first place, which I honestly expected with how much racing he does in VR and with set up he has in his office. I did not place overall which was expected LOL but I had a such a fun time and I am definitely sore as hell this morning.

Part of me wishes I got more photos, but the rest of me is so happy that I was just immersed in the experience and in the conversations with all of our friends there. It was nice to see everyone and just have some laughs and good food! I am so happy we were able to organize this event for us and our friends to celebrate before we get married in October!

Happy Moon Day / Monday

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To say I am feeling refreshed would be an understatement. As much as my body is tired and moving slowly today, my heart and my mind feel so full. This weekend one of my best friends from high school flew in town and we had a fun-filled girls’ weekend! On Friday we visited our other high school best friend at her workplace and enjoyed delicious wine. They were hosting a new local food truck called WaffaDilla which was absolutely fantastic! Literally think waffles and quesadillas…. it was heavenly. They had a variety of mouthwatering sauces like zesty ranchero and spinach artichoke; not to mention their signature corn relish?! UGH so good! I am nowhere near a foodie blog, but they deserved the shoutout.

On Saturday I enjoyed a very special day with my closest friends and my mom as I went wedding dress shopping for the first time! When we first got there and I was looking through the showroom, I started feeling slightly overwhelmed and honestly disappointed at what options I was seeing. Everything was so glitz and glam and just overall too big and ballroom like which was not what I envisioned. Luckily we realized there were way more options in a different section and the shopping began! As I had quite a few options picked out I started feeling less overwhelmed and I let the excitement set in.

I was there with my favorite people (minus my fiancé), and I was trying on dresses for my freaking wedding day!!! One of my friends took so many photos for me on my phone and truly captured how I felt about every dress I tried on, and after trying on six different dresses, I said yes to the very first one I tried on!!! Mind you, I had favorited about nine or ten dresses before getting to the shop, and this one was not even on my list. The way that it made me feel and how it literally made every single one of us tear up, it was such an easy decision. I found the perfect veil to match and somehow got the best deal in the world and spent less than $250 total!! I feel so beyond grateful right now, and I am also just so happy that I am feeling so present in all of this.

After making that exciting purchase, me and my high school besties enjoyed a girls night out with good food, dancing, and too many shots LOL. I will say we started the evening very classy with yummy martinis in a quiet cafe bar, and it was fun to transition into the loud bars with dance floors after that. At bar close my fiancé came to pick us up, and we went home to enjoy some pizza rolls and our leftover fries and tots. Well, two out of three of us did LOL! One of us had a little bit too much fun and had to spend some time in the bathroom, but nothing we all haven’t experienced before! I was honestly surprised I didn’t throw up, but I think I saved myself by ordering water at the end when my girls were ordering more seltzers. Overall it was a fun, successful girls night full of honesty and great vibes!

Sunday we took it easy and enjoyed a yummy breakfast out at my favorite place (you know, where the love of my life asked me to marry him), and then went to see the Bob Marley movie! Honestly, it was very good and it tugged my heartstrings nearly the whole way through. Ziggy Marley, Bob’s son, is shown before the movie stating that he was there nearly every day for filming to make sure the story was portrayed as accurately as possible, which was appreciated. After crying for two hours we just chilled the rest of the day and went out for dinner later on. She is currently on her flight home and I am just taking it easy and relaxing before getting back to work tomorrow. I wanted to sit and write about this because it is the weekends like these that will be the memories I look back on when I think about wedding planning and really just looking back at 2024.

Today is a full moon and a lunar eclipse, which is fun for witchy people like myself. According to some spiritual Instagram page (just keeping it real LOL) it says this about lunar eclipses: “Bringing final endings. Emotions are high. They make us aware of the passage of time and make us sentimental. Memories and dreams come up to the surface.” I have definitely been more emotional lately, but it also is that time of month so that definitely doesn’t help. I’ve had lots of rage, and then lots of tears, both of sadness and of happiness.

Full moons are also looked at as competed cycles and as a time to reflect and celebrate the wins and the growth we’ve experience recently. I have been so proud of how I have been communicating and being more present and aware during conversations. I have been very aware of my emotions and allowing myself to feel them and just be, rather than controlling or shaming. I have been great about adding healthier foods to my diet and still taking my ginger shots and vitamins. When it is nice out, I get outside for walks and enjoy the sunshine. I have been working on being more in tune with myself and my body, and I am excited to keep moving forward on this journey. I am so thankful for this beautiful life I live. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I’m a Published Author

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This morning I woke up to an email from the founder of the writing community “The Unsealed,” and I was notified that I am officially a published author. She created a book compiled of poems and essays from the members of the community, and one of my poem’s was selected! I want to sit with this for a bit, as I feel like I often don’t allow myself to fully feel the excitement that I deserve. I think back to the billboard I was on, and although I definitely felt proud and accomplished, I still found myself downplaying it. I was saying “well I just got lucky,” or “I didn’t really do much,” when in reality…who the hell do I know that has been on a billboard? Who else do I know that is a published author at my age? And to be honest, even if I knew a bunch of people who were on billboards and having their writings published, I still deserve to be proud my own work and effort.

I have always enjoyed writing, hence why I have had this blog for over five years now. As a child, writing was my therapy; it was a way for me to express my emotions without having any repercussions or judgments. It was a heathy way for me to get out any anger or sadness I was feeling, and it allowed me to be there with my emotions, rather than trying to dissociate or numb them out. Writing in a journal, or this personal blog, really allows myself to feel more centered and in touch with myself and my thoughts. I am happy that I can see my progress throughout the years, seeing how my perspectives and mental health has changed as I continue through my healing journey.

I also enjoy writing creatively, and I often find I impress myself with my work. I struggle with expressing that though for a couple reasons. One reason I believe stems from the fear of coming off arrogant or like I have a “big head,” but also I know that deep down I care for others and I know that no one human is “better” than another, so I cannot imagine I would get that way. Another reason is that I know I find “normal” things to be somewhat profound at times, so I may think that I did something amazing, but to the general society they may feel it is just “okay.” So, I guess I do still care a bit about what others think, but I am still trying to break through that. Sharing my poems with the writing community has only resulted in support and love, and I am grateful to have found a place where I can share and feel heard.

I know that in therapy some psychologists believe that humans seek external validation to fill the void of a lack of acceptance during childhood. I know that my parents loved me and supported me in the general sense, but there are other times where I felt very misunderstood and like something was “wrong” with me. However, I think that is normal for most adolescents, especially when going through puberty and learning how to navigate emotions amongst the new flooding of hormones. Now as an adult, it is up to me to support myself and give myself the validation that I may be seeking. I am blessed to have a supportive partner, as well as some great friends, but what it truly comes down to is how I feel about myself and how I celebrate my wins.

I am proud of the woman I am today. I am a positive force of light who enjoys genuine connection with others. I am an empathetic woman who feels everything so deeply, which allows me to love hard and be supportive. I do what makes me happy, whether that is writing or singing or simply going on a walk in nature, I make sure to prioritize my joy. I have worked through my anxieties and have learned so much about myself, which has allowed me to let love in and pour into myself in the way I deserve. I also have a healthy, happy relationship with my life partner, and I am forever grateful for the love we have together. Having your best friend cheering you on and supporting your goals and dreams is something that I wish for everyone, as that love is unmatched. I am happy with my life and myself, even during the times that are hard and it feels like it is all crashing down, I know that I am supported and loved. I am grateful for this life and all of the love around and within me.

If you are interested in purchasing the book, you can do so following this link: https://amzn.to/3PfQ5q7

I appreciate all of you who support my writing and this blog, it means more than you know. ♡

Good morning, October

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As I lie awake in bed on this foggy morning, I am so excited for this weekend and week ahead! Tonight my boyfriend and I are having a little getaway for the evening to celebrate 11 years together (Oct 2 is our anniversary)! We’re going to have a nice dinner at this place that I’ve gone to with my family, and we’re just going to enjoy our time together!

On Sunday we will be back and we get to see his family which will be nice. His parents used to do a family dinner every first Sunday of the month, but this will be the first time we have had one since covid, so it will be nice to see everyone and reconnect!

We also took of some days during the week and we plan to just do some different dates and little things every day to just keep celebrating our love and enjoy some time off together. I absolutely love October and I just feel like this is going to be a great month! I love spooky season and am excited for it to begin!

Celebrate Yourself

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Today is Friday and I am so excited for the weekend! My boyfriend and I are attending a friend’s wedding tomorrow, but other than that I am free to relax and take some time for myself. After how busy last weekend was for me, I am happy to be able to slow it down a bit while still having the opportunity to see friends and have a good time!

I was doing a bit of reflecting yesterday and I am honestly so proud of how far I have come on my mental health journey; I was thinking about how I was when I first moved out with my boyfriend and it truly feels like night and day. I still have plenty of work to do, but now it doesn’t feel so daunting and impossible!

When I first removed myself from an environment of constant chaos and unpredictability, my body didn’t even know how to handle the calm, peaceful life I was entering. My nervous system was stuck in a state of turmoil and I always felt like my mind was racing and I was running with it! I could never sit still and relax, instead I’d hyper focus on tasks that “needed to be completed,” and I’d feel out of control if I ever took a minute to breathe.

I still have days where it’s hard for me to sit down and unwind, but now my boyfriend and I both have learned how to handle it better. For example, earlier in the week was rough for me- I was starting my period and this time around my hormones felt super out of whack and I was feeling depressed. I honestly haven’t felt that low in quite a while, but instead of giving into that feeling, I was able to remind myself that this is temporary and has a lot to do with my cycle. I didn’t sit and think that I was going to be depressed forever, and I didn’t give myself a hard time for it.

I had told my boyfriend that I was going on a walk, which he encouraged, but I kept stalling and saying that I had things to do around the house and he could tell I was feeling anxious and overwhelmed. He looked at me and said “you need to go on your walk, and only think about your walk while you’re on your walk.” He was right, and I knew that already but just hearing it from him and out loud was something that I needed. I ended up going on my walk and I felt so much better when I came home. I cleaned up what I needed to, I showered, and then he helped me cut up veggies for the big salad I was making for the week.

It’s incredible how much of an impact that walk had on me, and I understand why everything I read and listen to about mental health says it is important to move your body every day. For me, just walking for 30-40 minutes made life feel so much more bearable, and it was nice to take some time to myself.

I feel so very blessed every day to have a wonderful man by my side who has grown with me over the years, who has learned how I operate and how to help me when I am struggling, and who loves me every step of the way. I used to feel like my brain was on fire and I was such a raging b*tch to him even when I didn’t want to be, and I knew he didn’t deserve it which made me hate myself/my brain quite a bit.

Lucky for me, he always saw the real me underneath all of the anxiety; and now I can finally see me as well. I am forgiving myself for past mistakes as I now understand why I was the way I was, and my goal is to continue healing and keeping this relationship strong, as I know we will have a solid foundation for our future together and our future as parents. That is still a couple years down the road, but that just gives me more time to work on myself!

Make sure you take time to look at who you were five years ago and then look where you are today; we all love to hate on ourselves and feel like we aren’t moving forward, but it’s a much nicer habit to celebrate yourself! Look at how you handle certain situations compared to how your past self would! Give yourself credit where it is due, and make a plan for the things you still want to work on. You deserve a happy life!