blessed

May 2, 2025

blog

It’s actually wild to me that my husband and I have been married for seven months already- I feel like our wedding wasn’t that long ago! The years are always flying by, and I’m just so grateful to be able to wake up next to him every day. I also can’t believe that on our one year anniversary, we will really be celebrating 14 years together! I can’t wait for our 3rd/16th anniversary, because then we will have been with each other for half of our lives! I feel so blessed with the life we built, and I’m excited to see what our future holds.

Welcome May

blog

Wow, I can’t believe it’s already May! Getting closer to sunny weather and summertime! I am starting off this month with a girls trip to celebrate my friend’s 30th birthday!! I’m so excited for this month, I can just feel good vibes and energy all heading my way!

I pray that May brings peace and abundance to all of us who are seeking it.

I pray that May is full of love and happiness, and everyone is able to receive it.

I pray that May brings miracles and blessings that leave us so beyond in awe and strengthen our faith in the universe.

I pray that May shows you so many signs and synchronicities; I pray you feel how close your angels and guides are.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. ♡

Sunday/New Moon 4-27-25

blog

Good morning! I’m so happy to see the sun shining on this gorgeous day- a day of rest and resetting. Self care is on the list today- which includes a little bit of spoiling ourselves with some pedicures today. My husband and I haven’t had pedicures since November… LOL so we’re a bit overdue. I also wanted to get one before my girls trip coming up!

I’m also gonna pick up some groceries today and do my best to have a more nutritious week than I have been having lately, because I know my body deserves to be healthy and full of vitamins and nutrients. This part is always harder for me, but I am going to focus on small wins and keep reminding myself why I am doing this.

New moons are time for new intentions, and since we are no longer in eclipse season, the energy is much calmer. Plant those seeds that you wish to grow, and take time to nourish them. No rushing, no pushing- just trusting in the divine timing of it all. I am focusing on my physical and mental health, as well as how I can be more grounded- both in nature and in my own positive energy.

Friday 4-25-25

blog

Today was a good day! I had a good day at work, I got to see my therapist, and I watched a couple of episodes of Severance with my husband! I am excited for our weekend as we have a 30th birthday party to go to, we have pedicures booked, and we are getting eye exams/new glasses!

I’m also excited for the new moon on Sunday, which is the same day my husband and I are getting our pedicures. It’ll be a nice day to just relax and have some self care. I’m excited for my girls trip coming up soon, and I am just feeling a greater sense of self lately. I’m so grateful for this life and this beautiful Friday.

Energy

blog

The energy of today was chaotic as f*ck if you ask me. Work was wild, it felt like emotions were at an all time high, and I’m PMS-ing on top of it which doesn’t help. A couple of my friends I talked to today also felt this wild ass energy today, so I’m just trying to frame it positively like we are all about to level up by remembering where we need to set our boundaries and enforce them. I am not going to continue to let other people mess up my mood or how I am feeling about my day. How other people act is not my problem or my responsibility, I am only responsible for my own reactions and responses. Can you tell I’ve been reading “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins? LOL!

Honestly though, this “Let Them” thing is harder than it sounds, but I am glad that this is on the forefront of my mind right now. I have definitely let other people’s lack of care and competence at work bother me, but literally it is not my problem. I am good at what I do, and I am not responsible for anyone else’s job or work ethic- I am only responsible for my own. I love the owners I work for, I love what I do even if it is stressful some days (I mean it’s fighting against insurance companies… so it’s just going going to be stressful somedays LOL) and I can be proud of my own work and focus on all of the positive aspects of my job.

It is important to feel and release the frustration from the day, but I can also choose to do that in a positive way. Instead of dwelling on the negative and continuing to talk about it, I can choose to do an activity to help ground me and bring me back to center. Sometimes that is dancing around my house, other times it is writing in my journal or here on my blog, and sometimes it is singing my heart out in the shower- all of these things are enjoyable to me, and they allow me release the tension from the day.

I definitely gave away a lot of my energy today. I got caught up being upset about things that are beyond my control, and I know that going forward, I do not want to waste my time on negative people or situations. I sometimes get mad at myself for caring too much when it feels like other people don’t care at all, but at the same time, I love that I care. I love that I am someone who takes pride in their work and work ethic. The reason I was able to move out and buy a home when I did is because: 1. I have an incredible husband who has been my rock through the entire journey and 2. I have always worked hard at every job I had, working towards promotions, being recognized for my skills/work ethic, and I am proud of myself for that. I do not need to waste time on negativity when there are so many blessings around me. I am grateful for this life I live, and I have worked hard to get here.

With that being said, thank you Universe and Angels for protecting me and helping me stay grounded in my own peaceful energy. Thank you for the fact that my husband and I can afford our bills, have access to food and water, have working vehicles and good jobs. Thank you for watching over us and supporting our love, and thank you for this beautiful life. I am so thankful to be at a place in my life where I am not in a constant state of anxiety, and I refuse to allow irrelevant things to knock me off my path to my higher self. I love the fact that I am a sensitive soul who cares, and in reality, I appreciate ever soul I meet. I say that, because no matter what the interaction is, I know I am learning from everyone that I cross paths with, and I with that knowledge I can only evolve.

Honesty

blog

I didn’t record my podcast episode, and I am giving myself grace about it. I will record soon, and I know this is just my brain getting into survival mode and putting me in a freeze state. I am feeling my way through it and I see exactly where all this fear is stemming from.

As a child my father would often tell me that I had no voice. He’d remind me that I had zero power or control in the home, because I was just the child. Also, being a child of alcoholics, I kept that part of my life a secret from everyone outside of the house (except for a couple close friends as I got older). I was always keeping quiet as a way to be safe, so my brain automatically shut down when I went to start recording my podcast episode.

I am working through this feeling, reminding myself that I am allowed to have a voice. All I have to do is speak the truth and remember my intentions. People will judge regardless, and that is not my business or my problem. I know my intentions and I know who I am- that is all that matters. I am not putting a harsh timeline on this, but I am determined to start recording this year!

4-5-25

blog

I’m calling today day three of recovery, even though technically I had the surgery done two days ago. My surgery was so early in the morning that the entire day counted as recovery (in my eyes LOL).

Today I did throw up and I think that is due to the pain medicine. The reason I didn’t have nausea the last couple days is because the hospital had put an anti-nausea patch behind my ear, so that had been helping keep the nausea away. I had to take the patch off, because it does cause dry mouth which unfortunately hinders the healing of my tonsils as I am supposed to keep the mouth relatively hydrated.

I’m hoping that since I am having some bone broth and mashed potatoes that will keep me from getting nauseous again. I will say, it’s kind of annoying because I’ve been instructed to eat ice cream/popsicles to help with the pain and swelling, but the sugar can make me nauseous.

Either way, I am surviving and working through it all. My mom came by to visit today which was nice, and my husband has been so helpful and amazing during this entire process. I am so lucky and so grateful for all of the love I have in my life.

gifts from mom making me feel young again

Friday 4/4

blog

Feeling blessed and feeling pain- but overall all is well. I have been lacking a little sleep, but as the pain goes down, I’m sure I’ll be able to sleep better than ever! I am making sure to take the medications as directed to manage the pain as well, I’m just hoping it continues to go down.

My mouth is insanely dry right now for a couple reasons. One is I have to breathe through my mouth right now since my nose has packing in it (I start to rinse that out today). The other reason is because they have me a nausea patch the wear so I didn’t get sick after the anesthesia and pain meds, and they told me in can make my mouth and eyes very dry.

I can leave the patch on for a couple more days and honestly I want to because I usually get nauseous and I’d rather not feel like I’m going to puke while I’m also in pain. As much as the dry mouth sucks, I’ll just keep sipping my iced water.

I am just grateful for cuddles with my husband and my cats while I heal. I am falling back asleep as I write this, so I’m going to listen to my body and go back to bed. I hope everyone has a great Friday and upcoming weekend. 🤍

my baby girl Sky aka the birthday girl!! happy 10th birthday to my senior kitty.

Home 4-3-25

blog

I am home and will be in bed for the next few days, and my surgery was a success. The doctor was not lying about this pain though- it’s pretty rough. My husband is making sure I’m taking my medications on time and is bringing me everything I need (so blessed🥹😭), and I am prioritizing hydration and rest.

I was feeling emotional before surgery, because I had so many friends messaging me telling me they were praying for me and thinking of me. One even sent me an e-gift card for Smoothie King which I am looking forward to trying hopefully within the next week or so!

I just feel so lucky and grateful to have so much love and support around me. As much as I am struggling right now with the pain, I know it will all be worth it; even though currently it feels like I am swallowing shards of glass.

my husband & I when I was in recovery

Why Do I Think I Am Incapable Of Doing Things?

blog

I recently was going through my OneNote on my computer, and I came across a project of mine from April of last year: the outline for my first season of my podcast. Let me just say this right now: I never started a podcast. I have talked about podcasting for years, and apparently on a random day in April of I wrote an entire outline with episodes and topics to discuss within each episode.

I start looking at the other tabs in my One Note, and in November of 2023 I wrote an outline for my first book. I also have to let you know that I do not have a book. I do have a couple of my poems published in books amongst other poets, but I have not published a book of my own. I also have said I was going to write a book for even more years than I’ve talked about podcasting… yet, here we are.

So this is why I am asking myself the title of this blog post: “Why (the F*CK) do I think I am incapable of doing things?” Also I am curious to know: “Why do I lack the self-worth and/or confidence to put my authentic self out into the world?” For years my excuse was not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings-and honestly, maybe I am still using that today. I don’t want people to think ill of my parents or have other family members judging them- but who am I to think I can control what anyone else thinks or does? If I am speaking the truth and doing so with good intentions, does it even matter what they think anyways? Am I not hurting my own feelings by shoving my dreams away? Does this mean that I am literally still living my life for the comfort of other people over my own? Well f*ck.

Now that I am sitting here, I am wondering…do I really lack the self-worth? Or have I still been seeking approval from the same generation that I am healing from? The whole point of breaking cycles is to do exactly that: break them! If I am trying to heal from people-pleasing and perfectionism, why am I stalling my own dreams to “keep the peace?” Why am I overthinking how or when to share my truth, when all I have to do is be authentic and honest? Until I push past the guilt and pressure I have put on myself and actually pursue these projects I have dreamt about for years, I will remain in the same cycle I am craving to escape.

I now need to take a moment to give myself credit, because it’s not like I haven’t shared some things here on my blog over the past five plus years. I also have been taking actionable steps away from people-pleasing in my life and have noticed the difference in myself. I no longer sign up for things that I don’t want to do, nor do I spend my energy with people who do not reciprocate it. I also just took a massive step out of my comfort zone by taking a hip-hop dance class, and that has already helped me to let go of perfectionism and step into art and expression.

After years of focusing on healing and learning more about myself/my brain, I feel a lot more confident in who I am as a person. I still struggle with self-doubt and sometimes I listen to my fears instead of leaning into faith, but I know I can always come home to myself. I have accomplished so much in my life, and I need to remind myself of that. Coming across my book and podcast projects initially made me frustrated with myself, I am also grateful that I found them, because it has reminded me that I actually am much more capable than I give myself credit for.