Something on your “to-do list” that never gets done.
Working out! I can’t get myself to do it, even though I know how good I feel once it’s done. When it gets warmer it’s easier for me to get outside on walks because I actually enjoy them, but just walking on my treadmill isn’t the same. I’ve recently thought about finding fun ways to exercise, such as roller blading, so maybe I’ll start doing that this year!
Write about your first computer.
My first computer wasn’t mine, and I’ll always remember that. When I was seven years old, I had a birthday party at the clubhouse at our apartment pool. This party I remember so many family members coming to, some I didn’t even know. One of these family members was my dad’s cousin (so also my cousin, but he was older so I probably looked at him like an uncle I didn’t know lol), and he brought in the best gift: a computer.
This is the early 2000s and we don’t have a computer in the house, as they’re relatively new and I assume they’re also not cheap. I never even thought about having a computer, but I knew that you could color on the computer and that usually they had some games, so I was excited to play with it!
I remember asking my parents “is the computer for me?!” even though I assumed that it was considering it was my birthday and everyone was bringing me gifts, but that’s when I quickly learned not to get your hopes up. My dad looked at me and without hesitation told me “no, it’s for me” and meant it.
He took that computer and, in my child eyes, became obsessed with it. He’d come home from work and be on the computer for the rest of the night. I occasionally got to play with paint and as I got a little older I could play games on disneychannel.com and what not, but I felt like the computer completely changed my dad.
He seemed angrier and like he never had time for me or my mom, and like everything on the internet was more important. This is probably why I am so passionate when it comes to screen time and how addictive it is, because parents will literally neglect their child and even their own needs for the sake of a screen.
I have since grown older and I do not wish to hold resentment. I have moved on for the better and have learned a lot throughout my life. There are many lessons I will take with and apply to my future parenthood journey, and this was an example of one. I remember how it made me feel, and I will do my best to avoid hurting my child(ren) in that way.
Just like that, January is over! if you didn’t start a new resolution or you fell out of the one you had, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT! you’re a human, you are unlearning years worth of habits, and things take time! give yourself the same grace and love that you give to your best friends, and step into your power 💕✨
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
I’m probably most scared to get up on stage and do any sort of performance- whether that be comedy or motivational speaking or singing or slam poetry. All things I admire and respect, yet I have fear around it because I never feel good enough. I’d probably have to do a lot more healing, soul-searching and confidence boosting before doing anything like that. Unless one of my idols invited me to an event, I’d have to take that as a sign to step up to the plate.
What do you complain about the most?
I’d probably say that I complain the most about people. Mainly I am used to complaining about people at work who aren’t doing their jobs, but I recognize that complaining doesn’t help. This year I am at a new job, and the difference is that I am currently just observing and making notes and bringing this to the attention of my boss so we can try to come up with better processes. I also complain about people I know, but that is something I am actively working on this year, because I know I need to take accountability.
In general, this year I am working on discernment and speaking up. Instead of whining and complaining, this year I am focusing on solutions. This also applies to relationships with friends and family- instead of b*tching about someone’s behavior, I will take note and set boundaries where I see fit. If something does not have an effect on me, then I can take steps to remove myself and ignore. If something does bother me and affects me directly, it is my responsibility to speak up.
No one will ever know I am upset or bothered if I keep shoving it away, and honestly that hurts all parties in the end. It hurts me, because I am not expressing my needs or feelings, and it hurts them because I have basically been lying or hiding how I’ve actually been feeling. It may come as a shock to people when I actually start expressing my feelings, but it’s only fair to me to finally allow myself to trust in my feelings and advocate for myself.
No more fearing confrontation. No more people-pleasing. No more manipulating and invalidating my own feelings. No more whining and complaining about things that don’t impact me. No more faking niceness to “keep the peace” or to avoid hurting other people.
I am not responsible for other people’s feelings, I am responsible for mine. I would never go out of my way to be disrespectful, but I also will no longer tolerate being disrespected. I deserve better, and I will do better.
When things don’t go as planned, remember that the divine plan is better than you can imagine. Let go, breathe, and trust. 💕✨
What are your favorite sports to watch and play?
I’ve never really been into watching playing sports, but I do remember as a child I enjoyed watching the synchronized diving in Olympics. I also liked watching ice skating, which probably had a lot to do with the fact that I loved to go to the ice rink with my friends.
I currently know I enjoy roller blading but I don’t do it often and it’s not something I think I’d ever get into competitively, but I do enjoy how free I feel when I’m just rolling around with the wind in my hair!
What would you do if you won the lottery?
If I won the lottery I would first of all thank source/universe/God because literally what are the odds. My fiancé and I would immediately pay off our credit cards and our townhome, and likely our cars unless we decide to be boujee and turn them in for something better, but make sure we pay in cash to have no car note. Since we are engaged we will also continue with our current wedding plan but may splurge on a honeymoon to Japan + the Philippines. Also, I think we’d get a lawyer or something involved or just call Dave Ramsey to talk about our best options and likely wouldn’t tell anyone about it for a little while.
Once we have our stuff paid off then we can look into investment properties, preferably dope air b&bs to rent short term and for us to stay at when we want to travel. We’d stay in our paid off townhome for a bit, make upgrades to it while building dream home! Dream home would be at least 4 bedroom, 3 bath, and would include a basement, a sauna, a meditation/sun room, a whiskey/library room, a pool and hot tub, and at least a 4 car garage with a heated driveway if we’re still in the midwest.
We’d definitely put huge chunks of change into some high-yield savings accounts and once we feel like we did what we needed to do, now we can revisit and start helping out our family. Pay off his parents’ house and cars if they have any car notes, and pay my parents rent for a couple years or so and maybe give each set of parents a good sum to put in their own high-yield savings accounts. Also we’d probably pay off his brother’s car as well.
Depending on how much the lottery is, we’d probably still work unless we decide to set up our own business and get those going, and we’d probably help his parents with their businesses they’re trying to start as well. It’s wild to think about winning such a huge chunk of money, and it’s even more wild to think about how it actually ruins people’s lives. I pray that if we do win one day, we are smart about it and we only make improvements to our lives and the ones around us.
I was a people-pleaser for too long, and this year I am actively working against it. I have ignored red flags and disrespectful behavior all in the name of “keeping the peace.” I was keeping quiet to keep others happy. I was agreeing when I didn’t, just to avoid conflict/confrontation. I never wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings, but in reality I still did, because I have been lying. People-pleasing is manipulative; going along with things or saying “yes” when you actually mean “no” is just presenting yourself in a false light. I have been doing this my entire life- avoiding conflict, keeping quiet, and making sure everyone else is comfortable while sitting in my own discomfort. I’m done.
I deserve peace and comfort. I deserve friends who love the real me, and who are real with me. I deserve honesty and to unleash my true feelings, and in reality, anyone you lose from being honest and setting your boundaries is not a loss, it is a blessing. This makes more room for your true friends and support system to come in, and there is no reason to hold onto people who aren’t truly happy for you or manipulate you out of your own boundaries. Now, it is 100% on you to enforce your boundaries, but also it is important to watch who is actively pushing against them and take proper action.
What bothers me or makes me uncomfortable is valid, I will no longer let my mind manipulate me into settling for less than what I deserve. What is mine is mine and I am not required to share everything with anyone; I value my privacy. I deserve to speak my mind and I refuse to build up any resentment or hard feelings when I can just have a conversation. Like Glennon Doyle’s podcast says: “We can do hard things.” I am doing this hard thing this year, because I know it is necessary and will free me in so many ways.
All is in order, all is on time.
Trust in the process.
finding light in the dark 