Sunday: Soft Girl Revolution

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Some humans are caring, compassionate and kind, while (unfortunately) others lack empathy and fail to have any moral compass. The human mind is the most complex organ to exist; it has the capacity to have one believing that they themselves are “God,” while others feel so low, feeling like they are the scum of the Earth. The thing about the brain that is so wild is that whatever you believe, your brain will do everything in it’s power to confirm that belief. This miraculous organ will find evidence in your every day life to confirm whatever it is that you are focusing your energy on.

Being in America right now, there is a lot of unrest. With masked ICE agents detaining and murdering innocent people, it is extremely hard to trust any sort of government or media, but what we can trust is our intuition: none of this is right. Humans do not deserve to be ripped away from their families. Humans do not deserve to be murdered for standing up for what they believe in. Humans do not deserve to have their food, environments or algorithms poisoned with sickening, artificial sh*t. The heaviness of it all is too much for one person to hold; if we can come together with love and compassion, I believe we can see change- but it is also important that we are taking care of ourselves.

With everything going around on social media, please remember that you can be informed without having to watch the videos of people getting murdered. Yes, there are people who were there to witness it, and we are privileged to have not been there to see it, but constantly consuming this content is not helpful to our brain health. We need our brains functioning well to fight this fight, and the media knows how easy it is to keep people in an angry, fear loop. Our anger can be our friend, as it shows us where boundaries are crossed, but it also is important that we take action and make decisions with clear minds, as this is our future we are fighting for. During these times, it is important to take breaks from social media and spend quality time within your own family and community. Spreading love will do much more than the constant consuming of horrific content.

On a more “woo woo” note, astrologers have been saying that right now is the age of revolution; the last time that Pluto was in the sign of Aquarius was during the American Revolution and the French Revolution. Since Pluto has sat her happy ass back in the sign of Aquarius, it just may be time for some much needed existential shifts. I personally envision a world where people do care for people, the government minds it’s own business other than working for the people, and we have more transparency and control over where our money is going. We pay our taxes because it is illegal if we don’t, yet major government entities haven’t passed their budget audits in years, we have millions of dollars for war, our groceries are full of poison, and we are funding masked murderers in our streets? Does anyone really want this?

When we break it down, this is not about Republican vs. Democrat or Red. vs. Blue or whatever divide it is that the media is trying to sell you: this is about humanity vs. corruption. None of us want to be funding our own deaths. None of us want to be working two jobs in order to barely have enough money to put our artificial groceries on the table. None of us want to live in fear that our medication prices will suddenly sky-rocket to a point where we cannot afford to take them. None of us want to avoid medical care because we are fearful of the amount of medical debt we will accrue. None of us want to see families get ripped apart by masked, unidentified “law enforcement.” None of us want to pay more attention to screen than our own families, friends and loved ones. None of us want to live in a constant state of fear and anger, and none of us deserve it.

I am not a teacher, nor a scientist. I am not a congressman, nor a judge. I am not a policeman, nor an FBI agent. I am not a governor, nor am I on any board of anything. I am not an influencer, nor am I a celebrity. I am not someone who is known: I am just like you. I am a human being who is upset and overwhelmed by the state of the world just looking for some way to connect and create authentic conversation. Humans are the most complex, resilient beings, and although I do often feel “too soft for all of it,” I do know that I cannot remain silent/complacent as I am not in agreeance with what is happening. Like the great Martin Luther King Jr, said: “There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”

So to all my softies who struggle when it comes to going to protests and interacting with social media, just know that you can still make a difference. Even if it just means taking time to write and reflect about what is happening, or it’s starting to research when the local primaries are and who is on the ballots, that is enough. Focusing on your local communities, even your own home, is where revolutions can start. We are in a country built on moving fast, getting money, and hustling our lives away, but that is not in our nature as mammals. I think it is important that we take time to reconnect with ourselves and with nature. We need to take moments of silence to calm our nervous systems. We need to practice mindfulness in moments of overwhelm, as that will become our superpower during these times of unrest. We have to be able to emotionally regulate and think clearly to make the changes that are truly needed, and that starts right in your own home; we can be the change we need to see in this world, one step at a time.

Vision Boarding

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Today I had a few friends over for a little vision boarding party! It was just four of us which ended up being very chill, and we all had a great time! I love making vision boards and just yapping w the gals while listening to a throwback playlist. It was definitely a great Saturday!

First Quarter Moon Journal Prompts

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from @ sistersvillage on IG
  1. I have transformed the part of myself that was scared to be seen. I posted my raw, filter free reels this year on IG as a way to just practice letting my real thoughts out in a public way. I transformed myself into a more confident version of myself, and I am much less fearful of sharing my thought and opinions. I no longer care if people don’t like me, because I know who I am and I have the best support around me.
  2. I have learned to be more patient with myself. I’ve had some hard breakdowns this year for sure, and I felt frustration when they were the same ones I have had before, but there’s a reason they resurfaced. I now was able to move through those hard emotions with more maturity and understanding, and it slowly becomes less and less intense. I am learning how to be my own best friend and hype-woman, because I know I am a great hype-woman for my friends, and I deserve to give myself that same energy.
  3. In 2026, the confident, best friend version of me is ready to take over. Hyping myself and others up, spreading joy and laughter, and just being a bright, bold light in this world. There’s no more time to shrink, because when we shine, we allow others to shine too.

Tuesday Thoughts (Reflection)

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Yesterday was a ROUGH day for me. Between work, PMS, someone hitting my car with their door and not telling me, it’s safe to say I screamed the entire car ride home. I also believe I frightened the driver in front of me with my screaming as they sped TF off ahead of me LOL.

After releasing that anger on the way home, and then crying once I got home, I felt relief. I had time to reflect and recognize that all of the shit bothering me was not going to matter in a years time. Also everything felt amplified considering my period was arriving just a couple hours after that nice cry session.

Today I am making it a better day- just focusing on my work while listening to Morbid (podcast). Tomorrow is the full moon which is always a time for release, and that’s why the buildup to it feels so intense. Side note, I also am such a witchy weirdo that I’m all excited to be synced back up with the moon- it makes me feel like I am aligned.

As much as all of this life shit can suck, there’s also so much beauty and so many blessings around, and I’d rather spend my life focusing on the good so I don’t turn into one of those bitter, crotchety old people LOL.

Friday

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So glad it is Friday! This week honestly flew by and it really wasn’t a bad week! Of course I am back to dealing with a late period and negative pregnancy tests so that’s a bit annoying, but I am trying to stay positive and remind myself that there’s no point in worrying because that will only delay it more. I’ve been trying to figure out if I am having some underlying stress that is contributing, but I can’t seem to pinpoint it.

As much as I get frustrated with drama at work, I don’t feel like I am letting it affect me mentally, but maybe I am! I know I was feeling some anxiety about the fact that I’m going to be on a billboard for a few hours in a couple weeks, but it feels like it’s mainly anxiety around my parents in a weird way. I know that my mom will be supportive of my writing and she knows I am healing and it’s my right to share my story and my thoughts, but just knowing how my dad has been my whole life, I just feel like he is gonna shit on it.

What matters is that I am proud of myself and my accomplishments, but maybe that’s my problem. I have such a hard time celebrating myself, it’s almost as if I got this exciting news and felt good about it for a day and then kinda shoved it away. It hasn’t even happened yet, but it’s like mentally I won’t allow myself to be proud or happy. I just keep making excuses about how they just needed a face in my town and it just happened to work out, but they also have enjoyed my writing and have been so encouraging on our zoom meetings and in the community. I guess I just don’t know why it’s so hard for me to celebrate myself, but it’s so easy for me to tear myself down.

Luckily I have therapy after work today, and maybe we can unpack that together. I honestly haven’t seen my therapist since July, so I am very much looking forward to this session. I just have to be conscious of my talking and making sure I’m not just venting so long that I waste the whole session. It’s hard when you only have 50 minutes and it’s been literal months since we’ve talked, but I know we will be able to have a productive session. I’m going to end this will an affirmation for myself- and I hope you all have a great Friday!

Affirming: I am healthy, I am calm and I am at peace. I release all that is not mine to carry, and I focus on what is aligned with my higher self.

Health Update

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After two years of getting through the pandemic without catching covid, I finally tested positive last week. I went to the immediate care because I thought I had a double ear infection and/or a sinus infection because my whole head felt like I was underwater; when I blew my nose I could hear cracking and there was so much pressure behind my ears it was insane.

Not to mention the never-ending headaches were something else, it hurt just to move my eyes around in my head. I felt super fatigued and overall just like garbage. My boyfriend also unfortunately came down with symptoms as well; he had a low-grade fever and he actually threw up a couple of times during our quarantine.

I will say we are extremely blessed to have had relatively minor cases and I’m also glad we know so much more about Covid now compared to two years ago. We knew just to stay inside and rest, drink plenty of water, and we also supplemented with Vitamin D and Zinc. I tried to make sure I was eating healthier options, although I definitely door-dashed some McDonalds (hey, I’m only human)!

I am back to work tomorrow and have a doctors appointment on Wednesday to follow up with my OB. I had originally made an appointment with her as I’ve been having excruciating pain during my ovulation and I want to make sure I don’t have cysts or something else going on. The pain happened the last two cycles and it had happened once earlier in the year as well, but it definitely doesn’t feel normal. I’m hoping she will order an ultrasound so that they can look at my uterus/ovaries and make sure everything is okay.

I also want to talk to her about the possible chemical pregnancy that I had earlier this month. I had some weird PMS this time around and was having some nausea and was crying at almost everything which isn’t like my normal PMS, so when it was a day late I decided to take an early response test and it had a faint positive. Now knowing that chemical pregnancies are a thing and the fact that it was very faint, I didn’t get too excited or nervous because I just felt like nothing was confirmed.

The next day I decided to take another early response test to see if it was positive, and it was very clearly negative, and then the following day I got my period. The OB still ordered a blood HCG test which was negative as well. When I talked to the nurse at my OB’s office she let me know that it was either a false positive or a chemical pregnancy, which is basically when the embryo formed but didn’t continue developing. I truly feel like it was a chemical pregnancy just due to all of the weird symptoms I was having, but there really isn’t a way to know for sure.

I just want to make sure I am taking care of myself and my health so that in the future we can hopefully have healthy children of our own. I know that often people struggle to get pregnant, so it would be nice to know if I will have difficulties just so we can be somewhat prepared.

I know that everything happens for a reason, and I am exactly where I am supposed to be, so I am not too worried; worrying doesn’t change the outcome anyways. I am blessed to have such a great life partner who I got to quarantine with, and I’m glad we have advances in health and technology which will help me if ever needed in the future. I’m also super grateful that I am recovering and will feel 100% heading into Leo Season!! My birthday is less than two weeks away and I am here to celebrate! Here’s to a great week ahead!

Confused, annoyed, exhausted

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So after two full days off of work spent on phones with doctors and getting pointless labs, what I knew the labs would say were correct and they wasted my time, because I still don’t have any answers. Today I threw up more than I did the last two days, and it sucks because I went to work today and left after just a couple hours of being there.

I’m home now laying in bed, I finally ate but my stomach isn’t exactly happy right now. I am still waiting on lovely mother nature to make her appearance and it’s just stressing me out (which I’m sure is actually the entire problem).

I’m worried that I am so stressed that I made myself physically ill. The odd thing though is that I’m not anxious with work and I don’t feel like I am overly stressed! Of course work has stress, but I feel like I can let it go when it’s time to be off of work. I’m just confused and irritated and exhausted at this point.