How do you use social media?
I currently only have Instagram and Snapchat. I use snapchat to stay in touch with friends, sending pictures and videos to them individually and also sharing stuff to my story. As far as Instagram, I go through phases of creating/sharing reels and I love seeing funny videos as well as spiritual and inner child memes! I often share those to my stories and sometimes reshare them to Snapchat as well.
Woke up feeling grateful this morning. My friend and I took an adult dance class last night and learned almost a minute of choreography, which honestly I was pretty impressed that we learned that much in an hour, especially with us having zero dance experience!
We learned a mix of contemporary with hip-hop while dancing to Apologize by One Republic (a classic of course)! I did have a few moments where I was like “okay where tf am I and what am I doing?” but I kept reminding myself that this was no pressure and simply for fun!
I’m proud of myself for trying something new, and honestly I’m thinking about signing up for the class and going weekly! I’ll have to work around my surgery coming up next month, but it sounds like they will work with me on that. I hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday!!
What advice would you give to your teenage self?
Stop caring about what other people think, most of them are irrelevant in your actual life and their opinion of you means nothing.
Your weight does not define you, and wanting to be underweight is not healthy. Your body is meant to evolve and change throughout your life.
When your “friends” are being shitty to you or are disrespecting you when you have not treated them badly in any sort of way, drop them. No need to be friends with someone who doesn’t appreciate you or care about your feelings or safety.
You’re allowed to speak up when you’re uncomfortable- in fact, it’s encouraged.
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Do you ever look back at old poems you wrote?
Wondering if you really did that on your own?
Do you admire your work and embrace it with awe?
Do you scroll on past it like you do on your phone?
When you read words you wrote in your teenage years
Does it feel so distant and far away?
Does it feel like you could feel that pain again?
Could you step back in that headspace today?
If you could then would you?
Just to see how it would feel?
To be able to pull yourself out of it
Now that you’re grown and healed?
Would you rescue your inner child?
Tell her that she is safe in your arms?
Would you tell her of all the good things
While shielding her from the world’s harms?
Would you tell her to keep writing?
Would you encourage her to follow her dreams?
Would you give her unconditional love?
Protect and care for her by any means?
Would you give that love to her freely,
Without expecting anything in return?
Would you be happy as she grew older?
Would you inspire her to learn?
You’d give your full heart to her,
Without any question or doubt.
So as you sit here as the grown inner child,
Thinking of something to write about,
You were able to answer your question.
Did you deserve the bad things that happened to you?
Are you responsible for unhealed people’s actions?
Are all of the things your parents said true?
No, no and no.
Your life may have been unfair,
But your life is now yours to live,
So please do so with care.
Please give yourself that same love and grace
That you’d give to your younger self.
Please allow yourself to accept love from others
While also focusing on your mental health.
Focus on the peace and blessings
Feel deeply into the joy and warmth life brings
As life is known to have challenges
But you’ll be able to handle these things
You have your intuition to guide you
As well as your angels and the divine;
You know deep down that no matter what,
Everything will be just fine.
Let go of that control,
Breathe into that inner peace;
Hand over your worries
So all tension can be released.
Lean into faith and self trust,
Relax your shoulders and jaw.
Allow yourself to embrace life;
Just sit back and admire in awe.
You didn’t come this far just to come this far,
Where you are in life is only beginning.
It will get better than you can even imagine,
Just lean into faith and stop over-thinking.
What does it mean to be a kid at heart?
It means that you still believe there is magic in the world. It may not look like fairies and wizards, but it can be felt in the most precious moments. It’s recognizing that laughter really is the best medicine, and doing the things that bring true joy to your soul. Being a kid at heart just means you haven’t let the cruel parts of the world dim your light.
Human beings are complex and are not meant to be labeled and put in boxes. People seem to love putting other people in this boxes and then getting mad when they don’t fit in them. Having conversation and asking questions about another person’s life or experience would help to deepen connection and release the need for labels and boxes. Not everything is black and white, mostly everything lies within the shades of grey.
I struggle with keeping myself in my own box. How can I be someone who is uncomfortable with attention, yet wants to start a podcast and connect with people all over the world? How can I be someone who prefers to spread love and kindness, yet has such judgmental thoughts at times? The same way that someone who is generally kind to others can be in a bad mood sometimes. The same way that those healthy fitness influencers enjoy a sweet treat every so often. The truth is that there is nothing wrong with being contradicting, in fact it is quite normal. For me personally, I think that what matters is that you are always true to the values you hold. But do most people even know what their values are?
I value privacy, especially with anything I find to be intimate. I don’t think there are certain things that are meant to be shared with just anyone and everyone; with that being said, I also truly believe that everyone knows what is best for themselves and what makes them happy, so I don’t think it is “bad” or “wrong” for others to share things with the world that I normally wouldn’t. I struggle with when it is okay to share these opinions, mainly when I am faced with someone sharing how happy it makes them. I am allowed to share how I feel, but it is appropriate if it could offend them? In reality, if the intention is just to be authentic and share how I feel, as a true friend would want me to be, then it isn’t inappropriate to do. I’d never want someone to feel shamed for what they do, so I guess I just fear that stating my own opinion could make them feel upset.
But also, if I am not sharing my true response and I am keeping it inside, is that not just hurting myself and telling myself that my opinion doesn’t matter? Honestly, is it even not hurting them because I am hiding a part of me (my opinion) to make me appear agreeable and likeable? If I share my opinion, I have to remember the intention behind it. If it is to express my own feelings and/or stand up for myself or my belief, then that is worth it. My goal is to be more authentic in all of my relationships, and in any and all content I create in my future. It starts with speaking up for myself and learning how to handle these conversations with different types of people. I can only learn by starting, and truly starting to connect to myself and my intuition.
If I could easily stand up for my friends or family in any situation, why is it to hard to do for myself? Does part of me still feel like I don’t deserve that? Is it because I felt like I never had that? I felt alone in my home at a young age. My emotions were too much, but that is what was modeled to me. I had no one to back me up, and I didn’t feel like anyone was on my side. I had no power or control; I understand that in general, kids don’t need power or control in their household, but when the role models didn’t seem to be in control after 5pm, someone needed to be.
That young girl needed someone to stand up for her, but she was too scared and to shameful to tell anyone who could help. That young girl still lives within me, and she needs to know that today we can stand up for ourselves. Today, we can speak our mind and do so freely without anyone telling us that we can’t. The truth is the truth, and the intention is to heal, but also to help others to see that life can get better and you get to choose your own path in life. It starts with choosing my own path, and choosing myself every step of the way.
This weekend has been full of fun events and seeing friends, and honestly I feel like a little kid again except the part where kids have endless amounts of energy and I am feeling wiped the fuck out LOL. On Friday it was my friend’s birthday and we all went to the roller rink and then bowling! We are all definitely nearing thirty, but with the amount of joy and laughter that came from this, you’d think we were all teenagers again. Strapping up those dirty, painful plastic blades brought me back to a place in the body where nothing mattered at all, except rolling around that rink. I got right back in the rink as if I never left! Also, when it came to bowling, I ended up playing pretty well! Honestly I normally suck when I go bowling, but I ended up getting multiple strikes! Maybe it was the good ass food that arrived, or maybe it was the overall vibe of the night, but I had a great time.
On Saturday a few of us from the same group went to see an interesting show: we saw America’s greatest mind-reader, Joe Diamond. I’m not going to lie, there was some shit that he did where all of us just looked at each other like “how???” It was definitely an experience and I am glad we went! Before we went I had a super productive day around the house, and I was proud of myself for taking time to be slow and present in the morning, rather than just rushing to get all of the chores done. I ended up being more efficient when I took my time, and I was in a better mood overall!
This morning I met up with my high school bff for some coffee and brunch, and we also got to go around to some cute little shops. I was excited to catch up with her and just enjoy a nice sunny morning after having these terrible winter/ice storms. Unfortunately, I believe this nice weather has contributed to the cough and sore throat that I am now experiencing. On that note, I am exhausted after this weekend and this day, and I am going to get some rest now so I can be ready for the week ahead. Wishing all of you a great week ahead, and a great March as well since February is just about over!
Hello to my lovely followers! I just want to say I appreciate all those who follow me on here and I am so happy that I have this space for myself and others! I recently joined a writing community and entered a writing contest where the winner is determined by how many votes my letter gets.
If you have a chance, I’d love if you’d click the link and read my letter, & if you like it you can vote for it! Thank you all in advance for your time and support!
https://theunsealed.com/contest-submissions/dear-me-thank-you
From Dark to Light 