What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?
Biggest red flag for me: someone who cannot take accountability. Someone who is consistently blaming others for their own mistakes and never admitting to/owning up to what they did is someone I’d rather not associate with. We’re all human, we all make mistakes, but we will never learn and grow from them if we don’t take time to acknowledge or fix the issue.
Describe your ideal week.
As much as I do enjoy my job, I can tell you that my ideal week does not include going to work. Instead, my ideal week would look more like a vacation, or staycation depending on the location.
The week would include slow mornings where there is no rush to get out of bed, but once I’m up I’d be able to just step outside and absorb some sunlight. Preferably on a beach or some secluded area without any whack ass neighbors LOL.
The week would include delicious food, stimulating conversations, and overall great company. I always love when my fiancé and I get to connect with our friends and enjoy a nice meal or an outing together. Whether it’s grabbing breakfast together or going on a walk, the week would be full of simple joys.
Considering that I absolutely LOVE concerts, my ideal week would have to include at least one show and that would ideally be Qveen Herby. I just saw her in July and I was thoroughly impressed by her talent and the performance she put on, and 10/10 want to see her again.
I love traveling, even if it’s just a 1-2 hour trip to a new destination. If this ideal week is a staycation, then it’s going to have to include a weekend trip to the Dells! I absolutely love water parks and arcades like a child I am deep down, and it would be so fun to have a group of friends all go together!
This prompt has me getting excited for our wedding/honeymoon that is coming up here in the next few weeks, because all of our closest loved ones are joining us for our beach destination wedding! We get to have a day after with our closest friends to celebrate our marriage and just enjoy each other’s presence.
Name the professional athletes you respect the most and why.
I respect the athletes who don’t lie, don’t cheat, and who have true passion for their sport, rather than feeling like it’s an obligation or job. I literally do not watch sports, so I don’t really have any athletes that I admire or know enough about LOL
How do you relax?
Relaxing for me is being in comfy clothes, no makeup on, chilling at home with nowhere to be. Whether I am sitting and writing, or I am laying in bed watching Love is Blind UK, I love just being in my own home.
If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?
It would probably be a swear word since I definitely find myself using those too often. As much as I’d love to give up the “F” word, I find it so versatile LOL 😂
Actually, scratch that- I’d give up the word “should,” because it is annoying. “I should be doing xyz,” or “it should be done this way,” or really any time we use should, who is to say that we “should” or “should not.” I feel like it gets used a lot in a shaming way for me, like “I should have gone to the gym” or “I should be doing laundry,” but really I could shift that to a more positive framing. I’ve read/heard about changing it to “I have the opportunity to go to the gym,” or “I get to do laundry in my own house,” and kinda shifting the mindset. So yeah, I guess I’d get rid of “should.”
Are you holding a grudge? About?
I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m holding a grudge, because to me that feels like it’s something I consistently think about or give this angry, resentful energy towards someone or something. I don’t feel that way, but if someone has disrespected me and there has been no repair or apology, that is something I don’t forget.
I can forgive, mainly because I know that nothing is really personal and people do things based on their own self perception, but it’s not something I will just forget. I feel like it is important to remember when people show you who they are, and just adjust how you spend your time and energy accordingly.
What does your ideal home look like?
My ideal home is likely a light brick or maybe just a light grey house with a black garage and black shutters. Ideally we have a nice, covered porch that I could enjoy sitting on no matter the weather. I see a three-car garage with a big driveway, as well as a decent sized front yard, however it doesn’t compare to the large back yard.
As much as I think I’d love a fenced in porch, I also have this dream of having so much land in between me and my neighbors that it just wouldn’t be necessary. We would also have a nice deck with a hot tub and some nice patio hammock chairs. We’d have a fire pit out in the yard with plenty of seating around it for fun nights with family and friends. I also would have a dedicated area for gardening and leave room for the chicken coup I hope to have one day!
Inside our home, it is freshly painted a light grey color for the main living spaces, and lined with that cool brown wood flooring throughout the house, with the occasional huge area rugs placed in living room, bedrooms and basement. I picture the living room, the kitchen, dining area, and a separate reading room/office all on the main floor, along with a half bathroom. I also see a mud room/laundry room duo which will be nicely organized.
We have an open concept kitchen with black appliances and accents that beautifully complement the white colored cabinet, and we finally have a fridge where we can get ice and water on the door. We have a separate dining area with room to seat 10-12 people, incase we ever feel like hosting for the holidays. In this room we have a nice window to see outside, so we can appreciate the view.
Upstairs we have a loft, which is set up to be a fun, chill area. We have a mounted TV and a comfy sectional with our games and movies organized on shelves. Ideally we also have a window up here that will open up so we can enjoy listening to the outside world.
Also upstairs we have a master bedroom with bathroom, two smaller bedrooms, and a separate bathroom with a tub and shower combo. Ideally the bedrooms will be for each of our two future children, and they will hand to share that common bathroom. As for our master bedroom, we would have a ginormous walk in closet with built in drawers and extra organization.
The master bathroom would have a large jet tub and an even larger shower with two shower heads on opposite sides of each other. We’d have shelving built into the shower for our soaps/shampoos and we would also have the ability to sit so it’s easier to shave my legs LOL. We would have his and hers sinks with plenty of storage underneath, and a nice linen closet for all of our towels and extra shower supplies.
As far as the basement, it would definitely be finished. Ideally it could serve as a wellness area, focused on fitness and meditation. I’d love to have a wall that is all mirrors and we could have an epoxy floor which we would also do in our garage. We would also have storage area down there with an extra fridge and ideally another half bathroom.
For now, we are grateful to be in our lovely townhome. It suits us well for this life we are living, and as fun as it is to dream about our ideal home, I have to acknowledge that right now we are living one of the very dreams I had as a young girl. I live with a respectful, caring man who loves me for me, and I get to marry him in exactly one month!!! Just as this dream is coming to fruition, I know that our ideal home is out there waiting for us, and it will be ready when we are. Until then, I am grateful for this wonderful life, and I am so happy that I am present to enjoy it.
What brings a tear of joy to your eye?
Since this year is my wedding year, I feel like I’ve been crying more tears of joy than I have in my lifetime. From trying on the dress for the first time, to visualizing walking down the aisle and up to the altar, the tears have been flowing steadily.
I used to hate my sensitivities as how often I cried at everything, but now when I find myself getting emotional, I meet myself with love. Although it can feel exhausting when I feel pain and sadness very deeply, it is absolutely incredible when I feel joy and love at that same depth.
This year I have found myself sitting in those moments of pure joy, and just allowing the tears to flow. Then when I actually think about my growth/progress with my mental health, the tears just flow faster. I used to feel so empty and numb, feeling like nothing in life would ever be enough, and that is no longer my reality.
Crying is honestly one of my favorite things about being a human, because it is sooo relieving. I’ve had those days/weeks/months of grieving losses throughout the years, and as much as I felt like I’d never ever be able to stop, I never held them back. So what if I cried everyday for months? I wasn’t going to shame myself for how much love I had for someone.
Love is a beautiful thing, and we all deserve to be well loved… especially by ourselves. I am leaning more and more into love and this journey has brought many tears of happiness along the way. I am so proud of who I am today and how dedicated I have been to the journey. I have talked about having my emotions basically turned off with medications, and that experience has made me appreciate my feelings and sensitivities so much more.
I am grateful to have access to therapy, as I continue to learn about and understand myself, it makes it easier to love myself. I am also grateful for podcasters/authors like Mel Robbins and Dr. Nicole Lepera, as they give resources for self-help and share their own experiences in a meaningful way to help others grow and be their most authentic selves.
Life is a wild ride, full of every single emotion you could ever imagine, and I am prioritizing joy wherever I can. We never know when life will end for us or those around us, so take this time we have now to let your loved ones know they’re loved by you. Spend time with the friends who you can be your full self around and where you’re laughing 70%+ of the time.
We are all going to cry tears of pain and sadness in this lifetime, which is why I embrace and enjoy the tears of joy when they come. I am blessed to be here in this moment, and I am so grateful for where I am today.
Why do you blog?
Blogging is a place where I can slow my thoughts down and truly be present. Whether I am venting, reflecting, being creative… it’s all accepted here. Blogging feels like freedom.
How are you feeling right now?
Currently frustrated as I am sitting on the phone with an insurance company with extremely incompetent processes and staff. One day I will take down the insurance world, starting with dental. The longer I work in this field, the more I realize that dental insurance is basically a scam. I can post a whole thing on that for anyone interested.
Also currently feeling grateful- I have a job that does have job security, and I am paid well and not micromanaged, which is truly a breath of fresh air compared to my past jobs.
I’m feeling tired as well. Clouds are gloomy today, sinuses are a little messed up with all this weather/temperature fluctuations so I’d rather be at home cuddling my fiancé.
So many feels today- but not as many as yesterday!! I was bawling my eyes out watching a video of a couple dropping off their kid at kindergarten, and just thinking about how emotional I will be as a mother- but it’ll be worth it.
finding light in the dark 