woman

Grateful AM

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Grateful for music, especially the kind that gives me goosebumps and brings tears to my eyes.

Grateful for my husband, especially his kisses and his laugh. Not to mention his patience, determination, intelligence and work ethic. There’s a lot I love about this man.

Grateful for coffee, especially some iced coffee w cream from Dunkin’.

Grateful for my car, especially the fact that she keeps me safe and has a cute pink steering wheel cover.

Grateful for my job, especially the fact that I’m not micromanaged.

Random Thoughts

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I feel like we all need to start re-centering and re-grounding ourselves. We all need to learn how to feel our emotions, instead of shoving them away.

I’m actually pretty sad that I get anxious to go on walks by my house. I cried about it the other day- but to be fair, I’m also on my period. I’ve just had a couple bad experiences, like 1. watching a dog get hit by a car and 2. some guy was going to try to kidnap me. oh.. and 3. a creepy coworker of mine showed up to my house unannounced while I was on a walk. Needless to say, I don’t really feel calm on my walks- I’m typically on high alert.

I selfishly hate that my cat has diabetes. It’s so hard for my husband and I to take vacations because she has to have her insulin twice a day, and she’s did horrible when she had an 8 hour stay at the vet, so she can’t really be put in a kitty hotel for long. I don’t want to fly her anywhere and driving her in a car for hours would also stress her out so it’s just all annoying as shit.

I am tired of patients yelling at me when aim trying to help them. You can’t really yell at me about your insurance policy- you signed up for it, not me. I didn’t write in the frequencies or downgrades or make up any of the stupid rules for your plan, and I also agree with you that they are stupid rules. It’s patients and providers against the insurance companies- don’t yell at me when I’m on your side!

I definitely need to drink more water.

I could really use a technology free day by the ocean. Warm sun, a light breeze, sand in my toes, and the sounds of the ocean… I feel like that would heal me.

I’m annoyed that Tell Me Lies is over.

Monday / Moon Day

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This morning I woke up drenched in sweat and mother nature has come to visit with a vengeance apparently. It feels like all the collective rage that has been building up is releasing itself, and although it’s painful and exhausting, it’s necessary.

It’s technically the new moon as well, although it peaks tomorrow with a solar eclipse, so it just all feels like divine timing. With the eclipse starting off the year of the Fire Horse tomorrow, I have hope for a powerful, beautiful transition for the collective. Transitioning power from corrupt, evil systems, back to authentic, empathetic community.

Hello February

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Today is the start of a new month, and it also happens to be Sunday, and we have a full moon! This feels like a few different fresh beginnings and I am here for it!

Yesterday was so much fun! I loved catching up with my friend at starbucks, and I also loved hanging with my other friends doing diamond by number crafts! The canvases look hella intimidating at first, and honestly I am nowhere near done, but once you start doing it, it’s so easy to just get into flow state and keep going!

We had run to the dollar store before starting our crafts to grab little plastic organizers for our diamonds/beads, and we happened to find tiny keychain versions of diamond by numbers! We ended up each picking out one and my friend grabbed one for her daughter, as well as another small paint by number and we had a successful trip!

Today I’m catching up with my high school BFF at breakfast and I’m so excited to see her and enjoy a delicious omelette! She’s pregnant and her baby shower is a month away so I’m super happy for her and can’t wait to hear about how everything is going!

Later on my husband will go to his parents house for family dinner, and some point before or after that I will need to touch up his hair (I retwist his locs and I definitely skipped last weekend). I just feel like today is going to be a great day, and I’m just feeling so very blessed.

Saturday 1/31

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Had a coffee date with a friend this morning! It was nice to catch up and enjoy starbucks inside! My husband and I just picked up groceries and I’m gonna head over to another friend’s house in an hour or so to hang out! Tomorrow I’ll also be catching up with another friend so I am just filling my cup with connection and fun this weekend! This is much needed after all the stress of January, so I’m praying it’ll be a nice reset and way to start off February!

First Quarter Moon Journal Prompts

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from @ sistersvillage on IG
  1. I have transformed the part of myself that was scared to be seen. I posted my raw, filter free reels this year on IG as a way to just practice letting my real thoughts out in a public way. I transformed myself into a more confident version of myself, and I am much less fearful of sharing my thought and opinions. I no longer care if people don’t like me, because I know who I am and I have the best support around me.
  2. I have learned to be more patient with myself. I’ve had some hard breakdowns this year for sure, and I felt frustration when they were the same ones I have had before, but there’s a reason they resurfaced. I now was able to move through those hard emotions with more maturity and understanding, and it slowly becomes less and less intense. I am learning how to be my own best friend and hype-woman, because I know I am a great hype-woman for my friends, and I deserve to give myself that same energy.
  3. In 2026, the confident, best friend version of me is ready to take over. Hyping myself and others up, spreading joy and laughter, and just being a bright, bold light in this world. There’s no more time to shrink, because when we shine, we allow others to shine too.

September Prayers

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May September bring a calmness to your life, allowing you to slow down and be present.

May September show you that miracles can happen and there truly is magic in the world around you.

May September bring abundance and luck around every corner, surprising and inspiring your inner child.

May September allow you to soak in all that you’ve created and all that you have accomplished over the past few years.

You have evolved, and you will continue to evolve. The breakdowns have lead to breakthroughs. The hardships have strengthened your boundaries. You aren’t a never-ending project that needs fixing, you’re a unique, powerful being that deserves to love yourself in the same way that you love everyone else. May September open your eyes to that.

Friday

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So glad it is Friday! This week honestly flew by and it really wasn’t a bad week! Of course I am back to dealing with a late period and negative pregnancy tests so that’s a bit annoying, but I am trying to stay positive and remind myself that there’s no point in worrying because that will only delay it more. I’ve been trying to figure out if I am having some underlying stress that is contributing, but I can’t seem to pinpoint it.

As much as I get frustrated with drama at work, I don’t feel like I am letting it affect me mentally, but maybe I am! I know I was feeling some anxiety about the fact that I’m going to be on a billboard for a few hours in a couple weeks, but it feels like it’s mainly anxiety around my parents in a weird way. I know that my mom will be supportive of my writing and she knows I am healing and it’s my right to share my story and my thoughts, but just knowing how my dad has been my whole life, I just feel like he is gonna shit on it.

What matters is that I am proud of myself and my accomplishments, but maybe that’s my problem. I have such a hard time celebrating myself, it’s almost as if I got this exciting news and felt good about it for a day and then kinda shoved it away. It hasn’t even happened yet, but it’s like mentally I won’t allow myself to be proud or happy. I just keep making excuses about how they just needed a face in my town and it just happened to work out, but they also have enjoyed my writing and have been so encouraging on our zoom meetings and in the community. I guess I just don’t know why it’s so hard for me to celebrate myself, but it’s so easy for me to tear myself down.

Luckily I have therapy after work today, and maybe we can unpack that together. I honestly haven’t seen my therapist since July, so I am very much looking forward to this session. I just have to be conscious of my talking and making sure I’m not just venting so long that I waste the whole session. It’s hard when you only have 50 minutes and it’s been literal months since we’ve talked, but I know we will be able to have a productive session. I’m going to end this will an affirmation for myself- and I hope you all have a great Friday!

Affirming: I am healthy, I am calm and I am at peace. I release all that is not mine to carry, and I focus on what is aligned with my higher self.

Health Update

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After two years of getting through the pandemic without catching covid, I finally tested positive last week. I went to the immediate care because I thought I had a double ear infection and/or a sinus infection because my whole head felt like I was underwater; when I blew my nose I could hear cracking and there was so much pressure behind my ears it was insane.

Not to mention the never-ending headaches were something else, it hurt just to move my eyes around in my head. I felt super fatigued and overall just like garbage. My boyfriend also unfortunately came down with symptoms as well; he had a low-grade fever and he actually threw up a couple of times during our quarantine.

I will say we are extremely blessed to have had relatively minor cases and I’m also glad we know so much more about Covid now compared to two years ago. We knew just to stay inside and rest, drink plenty of water, and we also supplemented with Vitamin D and Zinc. I tried to make sure I was eating healthier options, although I definitely door-dashed some McDonalds (hey, I’m only human)!

I am back to work tomorrow and have a doctors appointment on Wednesday to follow up with my OB. I had originally made an appointment with her as I’ve been having excruciating pain during my ovulation and I want to make sure I don’t have cysts or something else going on. The pain happened the last two cycles and it had happened once earlier in the year as well, but it definitely doesn’t feel normal. I’m hoping she will order an ultrasound so that they can look at my uterus/ovaries and make sure everything is okay.

I also want to talk to her about the possible chemical pregnancy that I had earlier this month. I had some weird PMS this time around and was having some nausea and was crying at almost everything which isn’t like my normal PMS, so when it was a day late I decided to take an early response test and it had a faint positive. Now knowing that chemical pregnancies are a thing and the fact that it was very faint, I didn’t get too excited or nervous because I just felt like nothing was confirmed.

The next day I decided to take another early response test to see if it was positive, and it was very clearly negative, and then the following day I got my period. The OB still ordered a blood HCG test which was negative as well. When I talked to the nurse at my OB’s office she let me know that it was either a false positive or a chemical pregnancy, which is basically when the embryo formed but didn’t continue developing. I truly feel like it was a chemical pregnancy just due to all of the weird symptoms I was having, but there really isn’t a way to know for sure.

I just want to make sure I am taking care of myself and my health so that in the future we can hopefully have healthy children of our own. I know that often people struggle to get pregnant, so it would be nice to know if I will have difficulties just so we can be somewhat prepared.

I know that everything happens for a reason, and I am exactly where I am supposed to be, so I am not too worried; worrying doesn’t change the outcome anyways. I am blessed to have such a great life partner who I got to quarantine with, and I’m glad we have advances in health and technology which will help me if ever needed in the future. I’m also super grateful that I am recovering and will feel 100% heading into Leo Season!! My birthday is less than two weeks away and I am here to celebrate! Here’s to a great week ahead!