mental health

Prompt

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Are there any activities or hobbies you’ve outgrown or lost interest in over time?

I remember buying my cricut a few years ago and being so excited to do so much crafting. I made shirts and cups and wine glasses and even had some friends who made requests for certain things. Over the years I’d go through phases of being super into crafting and wanting absolutely nothing to do with it, and currently I am in a phase of not wanting to craft at all.

I thought when I got engaged I would be making myself a bunch of “fiancée” and “engaged” gear, and to be fair I did make us a pair of matching hoodies, but since that I haven’t been feeling up to making anything. I’m sure I will get back into another phase and I’ll crank out some projects, but for now I’m just focusing on writing and resting.

Gratitude Check

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I am feeling so grateful and surrounded by love this season. I just sent out our save the dates today and am having lunch with my family this weekend! I also just had a good weekend with good friends and I am so happy to be present for all of the good things in my life.

I am grateful for our home and the fact that we have electricity, food and water. I am grateful for my body that breathes for me, pumps blood for me, and continuously regenerates my cells without me having to think about it. I am grateful to have a supportive, respectful fiancé who truly knows me and loves me for me. I am grateful for Dunkin’s iced coffee, although I definitely am addicted LOL! I am grateful for my job and for our financial situation, and overall I am grateful for this life!

Thank you to my angels and guides of the highest good and truth for protecting and supporting me along this lovely journey.

Protect Your Energy

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Our energy is a form of currency, and it’s important to spend it intentionally. As a recovering people-pleaser, I felt out of touch and out of control of my own energy for years. I was so focused on shoving down my true feelings in order to keep other people comfortable and to avoid any conflict or confrontation. I carried shame around my emotions; I never felt like I was allowed to express my feelings, and I definitely wasn’t taught how to do so in a healthy way.

As I grew older, I noticed resentment building inside. I was feeling so angry about everything because I felt like my life wasn’t mine. I was so focused on other people and how they were able to live their lives for themselves, and I lost myself and my own wants and needs along the way. I was spending all my time and energy focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than focusing myself, and it completely drained me.

I had to start coming back into my body and paying attention to how I felt around certain people and situations. I had to start being honest with myself about what I actually wanted to spend time doing and what I was doing just to “keep the peace.” Instead of saying “yes” right away out of some feeling of obligation, I started saying “let me think about it” to give myself time to sit and listen to how my mind and body truly feel before committing to anything.

Coming back to myself has been a long journey, and I continue to fall into the ego and find old habits trying to creep back in, but now I am more aware of myself and what I need to do to protect my own energy. sometimes it’s just being selective with who I spend time with, other times it’s taking a break from people in general to recharge, and sometimes it’s talking to the universe/God/source. regardless of how it’s done, it is done with intention. ✨

My First Computer (Prompt)

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Write about your first computer.

My first computer wasn’t mine, and I’ll always remember that. When I was seven years old, I had a birthday party at the clubhouse at our apartment pool. This party I remember so many family members coming to, some I didn’t even know. One of these family members was my dad’s cousin (so also my cousin, but he was older so I probably looked at him like an uncle I didn’t know lol), and he brought in the best gift: a computer.

This is the early 2000s and we don’t have a computer in the house, as they’re relatively new and I assume they’re also not cheap. I never even thought about having a computer, but I knew that you could color on the computer and that usually they had some games, so I was excited to play with it!

I remember asking my parents “is the computer for me?!” even though I assumed that it was considering it was my birthday and everyone was bringing me gifts, but that’s when I quickly learned not to get your hopes up. My dad looked at me and without hesitation told me “no, it’s for me” and meant it.

He took that computer and, in my child eyes, became obsessed with it. He’d come home from work and be on the computer for the rest of the night. I occasionally got to play with paint and as I got a little older I could play games on disneychannel.com and what not, but I felt like the computer completely changed my dad.

He seemed angrier and like he never had time for me or my mom, and like everything on the internet was more important. This is probably why I am so passionate when it comes to screen time and how addictive it is, because parents will literally neglect their child and even their own needs for the sake of a screen.

I have since grown older and I do not wish to hold resentment. I have moved on for the better and have learned a lot throughout my life. There are many lessons I will take with and apply to my future parenthood journey, and this was an example of one. I remember how it made me feel, and I will do my best to avoid hurting my child(ren) in that way.

Wednesday Wisdom

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Just like that, January is over! if you didn’t start a new resolution or you fell out of the one you had, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT! you’re a human, you are unlearning years worth of habits, and things take time! give yourself the same grace and love that you give to your best friends, and step into your power 💕✨

Bloguary Prompt

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What do you complain about the most?

I’d probably say that I complain the most about people. Mainly I am used to complaining about people at work who aren’t doing their jobs, but I recognize that complaining doesn’t help. This year I am at a new job, and the difference is that I am currently just observing and making notes and bringing this to the attention of my boss so we can try to come up with better processes. I also complain about people I know, but that is something I am actively working on this year, because I know I need to take accountability.

In general, this year I am working on discernment and speaking up. Instead of whining and complaining, this year I am focusing on solutions. This also applies to relationships with friends and family- instead of b*tching about someone’s behavior, I will take note and set boundaries where I see fit. If something does not have an effect on me, then I can take steps to remove myself and ignore. If something does bother me and affects me directly, it is my responsibility to speak up.

No one will ever know I am upset or bothered if I keep shoving it away, and honestly that hurts all parties in the end. It hurts me, because I am not expressing my needs or feelings, and it hurts them because I have basically been lying or hiding how I’ve actually been feeling. It may come as a shock to people when I actually start expressing my feelings, but it’s only fair to me to finally allow myself to trust in my feelings and advocate for myself.

No more fearing confrontation. No more people-pleasing. No more manipulating and invalidating my own feelings. No more whining and complaining about things that don’t impact me. No more faking niceness to “keep the peace” or to avoid hurting other people.

I am not responsible for other people’s feelings, I am responsible for mine. I would never go out of my way to be disrespectful, but I also will no longer tolerate being disrespected. I deserve better, and I will do better.

Authenticity Only

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I was a people-pleaser for too long, and this year I am actively working against it. I have ignored red flags and disrespectful behavior all in the name of “keeping the peace.” I was keeping quiet to keep others happy. I was agreeing when I didn’t, just to avoid conflict/confrontation. I never wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings, but in reality I still did, because I have been lying. People-pleasing is manipulative; going along with things or saying “yes” when you actually mean “no” is just presenting yourself in a false light. I have been doing this my entire life- avoiding conflict, keeping quiet, and making sure everyone else is comfortable while sitting in my own discomfort. I’m done.

I deserve peace and comfort. I deserve friends who love the real me, and who are real with me. I deserve honesty and to unleash my true feelings, and in reality, anyone you lose from being honest and setting your boundaries is not a loss, it is a blessing. This makes more room for your true friends and support system to come in, and there is no reason to hold onto people who aren’t truly happy for you or manipulate you out of your own boundaries. Now, it is 100% on you to enforce your boundaries, but also it is important to watch who is actively pushing against them and take proper action.

What bothers me or makes me uncomfortable is valid, I will no longer let my mind manipulate me into settling for less than what I deserve. What is mine is mine and I am not required to share everything with anyone; I value my privacy. I deserve to speak my mind and I refuse to build up any resentment or hard feelings when I can just have a conversation. Like Glennon Doyle’s podcast says: “We can do hard things.” I am doing this hard thing this year, because I know it is necessary and will free me in so many ways.

Morning Gratitude

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This morning I want to just lay in bed and sleep, but instead of hitting snooze I am still laying here but decided to start the day here with some good vibes and gratitude.

-I am so grateful I get to wake up next to the love of my life every morning, as it makes me feel safe, loved, and comforted.

-I am grateful to be waking up in a warm, cozy bed that is so comfortable it makes it hard to want to get out of it.

-I am grateful that I have a job where I am appreciated, I enjoy what I do, and I still have freedom to listen to headphones and work at my pace.

-I am grateful to still have both of my parents in my life, even if it may be a bit estranged with my dad, I am still blessed to have contact with both of them and I am happy I have a good relationship with my mother.

-I am grateful for this blog, as it was easy to start, it’s easy for me to post from my phone or laptop, and it’s a nice outlet for me, and also a way to inspire others.

-I am grateful to have supportive, loving friends in my life who are truly rooting for me and want the best for me. I am happy I have friends I can be my full self around.

-I am grateful to have heat in our home, as well as the AC during the summer. We are blessed that we can afford and have these luxuries.

-I am grateful for car, as she is sleek and beautiful but also very reliable and safe. I am happy we can both afford nice cars.

Overall there are so many things in this lifetime to be grateful for, and sometimes it’s important to just take a moment and think about it. Whenever I am feeling lost or overwhelmed, I have found that when I turn to the mindset of gratitude, it makes a big difference. It’s not always an easy task when emotions are running high, but like anything, it’ll just get easier with time and practice. Your life has a lot of beauty in it, take a moment to think about it.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday and week ahead.