ill

Frustrated

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I’m at home in bed as I write this. I went to work this morning but left after a couple hours due to throwing up twice at work (once at home before work). I also threw up yesterday before work. We didn’t even have a busy schedule and I have no reason to be feeling anxious.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I am not motivated anymore. I probably should get back on my antidepressants, but the thought of that makes me more depressed. I don’t want them. I don’t want my anxiety medication either since I feel like it’s not helping.

The rainy weather doesn’t help… neither does the quarantine. I have to keep that in mind and remember this is only temporary. But if I can’t stop puking every day I don’t know what I’m going to do.

It is what it is.

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I bought a roundtrip flight to Denver for the end of April a few days ago and have zero regrets. I know there are a lot of travel restrictions right now, and I know there are bans on large gatherings in places, but I am not scared to go to Denver- worst case they cancel my flight and I lose out on $75, but I couldn’t care less.

I’m honestly annoyed by the mass hysteria and still confused about the toilet paper shortage and it’s making me so crabby and bitchy and I hate it. I don’t want to let other people have an effect on my attitude, but I literally am so disappointed in humanity right now.

I’m upset that idiots have gone out and decided to buy up all the toilet paper/tissues/clorox wipes/etc. I am also upset that my friends who are mothers are struggling to find baby wipes and formula because those who were fortunate enough to be able to panic buy in bulk didn’t think about the other humans on this planet.

I’m tired of the politics behind the virus as well, and how coincidentally all of these flus/viruses such as swine flu and ebola all come out around election time (which reminds me, don’t forget to vote in the primary’s Tuesday)! I think it’s stupid for anyone in power to shut down all businesses and ban the sale of guns/ammunition. I think that there are too many things being done that actually have nothing to do with the virus, and I feel people are using it as a way to fear monger and also pass unnecessary laws.

I feel for my server friends out there who rely on tips for their bills. I also feel for the employees of grocery stores who have to deal with angry, demanding assholes. Luckily they still have jobs, but their hours are being cut left and right as businesses close early or change hours as they have no time to re-stock. I can only imagine what nurses and doctors and other healthcare staff are going through right now. I feel lucky to still have a job during this time, and am grateful that I have money saved as well.

I want to stop having such a cynical, angry mindset about this whole thing. I need to focus more on what I do have and what I’m thankful for during this interesting time in the world. If we have a mandatory quarantine, at least I’ll be home with my best friend and my cats. ♡

Sick and anxious

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Both Monday and Tuesday my boss sent me home from work, because I’m very clearly under the weather. Last night once I came home I really started feeling my body aches and the fatigue really set in. I finally decided to go to the doctor today, since my boss told me I should sleep in and take the day. I didn’t sleep too well after the first six hours because I kept waking up sweating.

I let the MA and Dr. know all of my symptoms (sore throat, cough, congestion, body aches, sweating, and fatigue). I don’t have a fever, but technically my body temperature is higher than usual. Normally when I take my temperature at home on my digital thermometer I average at 96.8. Idk if I just naturally have a lower temp or if my thermometer is broken, but this morning my temperature was at 99.0. They tested me for strep as my throat is super red/swollen/painful but the rapid test was negative. Instead of testing me for the flu or anything they decided to treat me for a sinus infection; so let’s hope that’s the case and I’m not spreading something to everyone around me.

I hate being sick because I feel so weak and useless, but I think what’s worse is I’m sitting here worrying about stuff that needs to get done at work and around the house. I also know that I need to rest in order to feel better, it’s just a constant battle because I feel like I’m being lazy and wasting time. I’m just hoping I feel a lot better by tomorrow, especially since I’m supposed to go to the dells this weekend.

Itching to travel / Home sick

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I have to get out of this state soon. I need a vacation, I need a beach and sunshine… I just need it. I wish I could afford to go visit my boyfriend in the Philippines on his work trip, but unfortunately that’s not happening. However, I am thinking about going to LA and/or Vegas for a couple days in April. I wish I could just travel all the time and get paid for it, because I always feel at my happiest when I’m traveling somewhere new.

One nice thing is that one of my friends invited me to go to the Dells next weekend, so that’s kind of like a mini vacation! I honestly love water parks and I always have a blast at the dells! Then St. Patty’s day is right around the corner so I’ll have to make some plans for that!

One of my coworkers just left to Punta Cana for a week and I’m so jealous but also so excited for her! She is such a hard worker and deserves a break, and I know this trip will be refreshing for her. Going on vacation always leaves me feeling fresh and happy, and I can only imagine how she will be feeling after this trip.

^ Well, I was writing this yesterday and ended up getting distracted and went to sleep. I feel like this often happens and I can’t help but get frustrated with myself because I feel like I failed by not posting on Sunday, but I guess it’s not the end of the world.

Today I am home sick. And no, I’m not out and about traveling the world, missing my home… instead I am at home in bed coughing my brains out. I’m very tired and this cough is both aggressive and annoying. I am worried that stuff won’t be done at work, but I also need to rest and get better for my long day tomorrow. With that being said, I am going to abruptly end this weird blog post that I don’t like very much.