Sunday

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My husband and I are on our way home after a fun day playing on a huge water obstacle course! Yesterday my husband suggested that we do something fun, and after looking online for a while, we decided on this! It was a much fun, but boy was it hella exercise LOL! I know we are gonna feel it tomorrow.

I’m so glad we went- not only because it was a fun date day, but also because I need to be prioritizing joy in this season of my life. I noticed yesterday after we booked it, and even this morning that I was having anxiety about it and feeling uneasy. I knew it was mainly because it’s not anything I’ve ever done before, but I still feel like part of me always tried to self-sabotage whenever I am doing something for myself.

The good news is that I noticed it early on today, and my husband was also very aware and making sure to check in on me and reassure me. I always feel bad that I tend to make our good days start out poorly just with my anxiety and control issues. I always feel like everything has to go perfectly, but my rigidness is worse than things just going awry on their own. I know this, and I know I need to give my perfectionist part of me love rather than shame.

Dear little perfectionist with me, you are allowed to relax. I know you had to make sure that all things were thought through, and I know that control makes you feel safe; the truth is that nothing is ever perfect, and you have not only survived all of those imperfect moments in your life- you thrived. No matter how much you overthink and over plan, all will happen exactly as it should, and you’ll always be able to handle it. You don’t have to be so uptight and rigid, in fact, you deserve rest and joy more than you know- I pray you open up to receive it.

New week

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Well, this week should be interesting. Tomorrow is the start of my last two weeks at this job, and I plan to help the employees there and patients as much as I can in these next two weeks. Hopefully the doctor just leaves me alone to do my job.

If I am treated poorly or unfairly during my time, then I will gladly leave sooner. I am hopeful that things just go smoothly and I don’t have any unnecessary anxiety this week. I can’t wait to work in a less stressful environment with less overall pressure on me everyday.

I think the hardest part will be trying my best not to let everyone else’s emotions have an effect on me and really just setting firm boundaries. I’m done coming home from work completely exhausted and ready to go right to bed. I need time for myself and time to spend work my boyfriend.

We will see if I end up writing at all in the middle of this week- if I don’t then I will upset next Sunday. Until then I hope everyone has a great week ahead!