When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I believe I wanted to be a teacher, unless I still wanted to be a princess at that age LOL. For a long time when you’d ask me as a kid what I wanted to be, I’d always say teacher. As I got older, I kept changing the grades I wanted to teach. First I thought it would be nice to teach elementary kids, then I thought maybe middle school, or high school.

Eventually I realized if I was going to be a teacher, I’d need to be a professor, because I wanted to teach people old enough who get to decide if they want to come to class or not, and it’s ultimately not my responsibility if they fail in college. I decided not to pursue any higher education after my associates degree for a few reasons:

1. I did not want to pull out student loans
2. I had already moved out of my parents house and had to pay bills
3. I didn’t want to go to school for 6-8+ more years

So, now in my current life I am fighting dental claims and making sure these insurance companies pay! It is rough and stressful at times for sure, and I swear every year insurance gets worse, but I am glad that our patients have someone here fighting for them!

What’s something most people don’t understand?

I’ve noticed people online (so could be bots for all I know), seem to think that if you’re not in the loop on every war and tragedy going on in the world that you’re not a good person and/or you’re just privileged. What I think people are not understanding is that psychologically it is actually horrible for us humans to continue to watch and listen to trauma and tragedy on repeat.

Knowing every single horrible thing in the world doesn’t do much to improve your mental health, and when we have a bunch of emotionally unstable people overly invested in the chaos, we just have a bunch of loud voices yelling at each other to “care more” and “use your platform to talk about this!”

I personally know that I get very sensitive and emotional when it comes to tragic events, and when I am very sad or very angry, I know that I do not always think clearly and rationally. There is a reason we’re always told to “pause” and “think before you speak,” and in this modern world of posting about things right when they happen, people are resharing and posting their strong opinions almost immediately without having the full context. This is normal to do when you’re triggered- but it’s not productive or healthy for society.

I think the people who are loud and telling anyone who is “silent” or “too privileged to care” need to recognize that while it may be important to be informed about the world news, being rude to others on the internet is not productive. Also being rude to others in real life isn’t productive either if you’re trying to get your point across or change anyone’s mind.

If anything, channel that energy into making an actual difference and write letters to your representatives rather than berating random people who seem to have a different opinion or are “privileged.” This is why I am starting to believe that these comments I see are bots, because I feel like they’re made to fuel fire and turn people against one another.

Who was your most influential teacher? Why?

My english professor from my community college is the first person who came to mind. I remember that he was a firefighter before he became a professor, but I swear this man should have been a therapist. I’ll be honest though, and I cannot for the life of me remember his name right now! That makes it sound like he wasn’t very memorable, but truly he was someone who I appreciated.

I decided to take English 101 and 102 in one semester, so this class had a decent amount of writing in it… my favorite! We read some of our own professor’s work and analyzed articles, and we wrote papers on almost everything we read. What I really enjoyed about this particular professor is that he always took time to speak one on one with his students about their work.

I remember him talking to me about my paper about helicopter parents, and I swear I was like “why is my english professor my therapist right now…” but he actually opened my eyes a little bit to something I was ignoring. He had said to me that he could see how angry I was at my father through my writing, and he turned and said “but you know you’re angry with somebody else too, right?” It was my mother.

It’s not like I didn’t know it, I just always was holding her on this higher pedestal compared to my father, but in reality she was just as involved by not removing me from the toxic environment. I had no problem throwing blame on my father, because he had said some of the worst things to me and quite frankly I didn’t feel bad about being angry with him; but being angry with my mother… that brought on more guilt.

I had grown up looking at her like she was also the victim of emotional and verbal abuse. Don’t get me wrong, she definitely was, but she was also the same parent preaching that once you have a child, they become your priority. Apparently my safety and childhood memories weren’t a priority against the alcohol.

That may sound cold, and I promise I am empathetic to the situation; but I also have denied my own anger and emotions for so long that I cannot feel guilty for sharing my truth. I can be aware that people are dealing with their own traumas and issues, but that doesn’t excuse abusive behavior.

I’ve done a lot of healing, learning, and unlearning throughout my life, and I know that anger has always been a very present emotion for me. I have learned how suppressing anger can lead to people-pleasing, and people-pleasing leads to resentment, which in turn keeps you in a never ending cycle of anger. I no longer wish to hold onto my anger.

I’ve been doing a lot of releasing happening over these last couple weeks. Lots of tears, both of happiness and of grief. I grieve the years I lost to an angry childhood home, yet I feel so blessed that I found my soulmate at such a young age so I could escape. I grieve the memories I lack due to living in a hyper-vigilant state for most of my life, yet I feel grateful to be so present in my current everyday life- especially when this was something I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to feel.

I found therapy after community college, but I believe that professor really had an influence on how I was reviewing my childhood. I remember how I found it so interesting that a professor who barely knew me was able to see right through me- especially when I always felt so misunderstood by my parents. I will always remember that professor, and I am grateful that I took his class even though I currently don’t remember his name.

What do you wish you could do more every day?

• let go

• play/have fun

• have deep conversations with good people

What tattoo do you want and where would you put it?

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned tattoos on here before, but I have quite a few LOL. I have a full sleeve that goes onto my hand on my left arm, and I am currently working towards a leg sleeve as well on that same side. I have tattoos on my back, my sternum, my feet, my ribs, and even a small one going down the back of my neck. I have one tattoo on my right arm that my husband and I got after we got married, and it’s our original/dating anniversary and our wedding anniversary (same date, 13 years apart)! I do want more, but I feel like a lot of those ideas will come to me in our journey through life and eventually into parenthood.

What is one word that describes you?

My first thought was anxious, but I have worked so hard on managing my anxiety that I hope that’s not how I come off anymore. However, I know I had that thought because I have noticed my anxiety has been a bit high the last couple days. This may sound odd, but I wonder if it has anything to do with my body remembering that this is about when Covid was everywhere and we were all shutting down five years ago. I keep feeling anxious like something big and bad is going to happen, but in reality I don’t have any control over worldly disasters, nor would I want that control. I just don’t really have any stress going on in my life where I need to be feeling this anxious, so I’m wondering where it’s coming from.