connections

Life Before the Internet (prompt)

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Do you remember life before the internet?

I don’t really remember life before the internet considering my parents got a computer when I was seven years old. Actually, I was apparently gifted this computer on my birthday by my dad’s cousin, but my dad lied and said it was for him and that he’d let me play games on it.

I did get to play games and use Word Paint LOL, but ultimately I don’t remember a lot of my childhood so I can’t say I remember life before the internet. I will say that I’m sure my dad was a lot more present as a parent without the computer, because a lot of my childhood that I do remember, he was sitting there in front of the computer screen.

It reminds me of how I use my phone now. I don’t have children currently, but I’ve always been mindful to the fact that when I have children, I don’t want them to feel like I’m always on my phone. I honestly think I’d just get off social media completely once I have a child, mainly because I also don’t want my future child(ren) on social media.

I am someone who uses the internet a lot. Most of us have to use it in some way for our jobs, we’re connected to it on our phones, we use it to order things of Amazon or groceries- it kind of seems like a basic necessity in our current society. However, I do feel that somehow the more “connected” we are online and/or to our devices, the less we are actually connecting with one another. We’re trading genuine conversations for likes and views from people on the internet.

Have you ever had an experience where you are out with family or friends and someone or some people start scrolling on their phones or start texting? Has that happened when you were directly talking with them? I understand we all have to be able to have our phones to check incase of emergencies, to be in contact with family/friends/babysitters etc- but to be interrupted from a genuine conversation for a random snapchat or an IG notification?

In that moment, in real life, that feels like a loss of connection. Another example that can feel like a disconnection: finding out important news about your close family and friends on social media, instead of from them directly. I value my friendships and I personally would rather talk to my friend in person and share a celebratory moment with them privately than to post to random strangers internet about something near and dear to my heart.

Maybe I’m old school, but I kind of feel like I would have enjoyed life before the internet. I’ll be 30 in July, so most of my life really did involve being on the internet. I feel like I’m definitely dependent on it now, but I also know that humans have lived without the internet for centuries, and they all survived. In fact, they probably thrived with less mental health issues and more genuine connections! LOL

Ctrl Alt Delete Social Media

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If you could un-invent something, what would it be?

When I read this, I definitely want to say smart phones and social media, because I feel that although they were both made for people to stay more “connected,” it actually has made us more disconnected with ourselves and each other.

Smart phones definitely keep us connected when we can call, text and/or facetime friends and family members. We are able to communicate and share photos and videos with each other, but also sometimes we do this when we are in the presence of other people.

How many times have you been out with a friend or a group and suddenly other people are just texting on their phone, or having a full blown conversation with someone else? Don’t get me wrong, there are situations where people need to be checking in or asking for something, but I’m talking about those times where it isn’t necessary and it actually just has you feeling like no one is present in the moment with you.

Social media was also made to stay in touch and see updates of people’s lives, but it has simultaneously created a lot more of comparison culture and this pressure to always post your best moments and memories for the world to see. People are always sharing the highlights and the best parts of life, and it can make people start to think that everyone has to live some extravagant life and be very rich in order to have happiness.

There are people that go into debt to have fancy events just for the social media pictures, or they put name brand bags on their credit cards just to be able to post and make it seem like they live a lavish life. Not to mention all of the emphasis on having the “perfect body” or “perfect face” which leads to the botox and fillers and surgeries that also cost hundreds to thousands of dollars.

And what is all of this for? To look good for other people? To have a better selfie? To feel as pretty as that one influencer looks in her post? Does she even look like that or did she use a filter or face-tune? Do the likes, views and followers actually fulfill your soul? Or are you craving deeper, authentic connections?

I feel like smart phones and social media have become more important to people than genuine conversation and communication. Some people post pictures with “friends” they don’t even like just because the collab gives more views (ex: Mom Tok/ Secret Lives of Mormon Wives). Some people post their “perfect relationship” when there’s actually abuse going on off screen (Gabby Petito, Shannan Watts). I know luckily that is not how everyone uses it, but it’s crazy how quick we are to believe false things, and social media perpetuates that culture.

I also understand the benefit of social media when it comes to business promotion, as it can help push products and business ideas. I also understand there are authentic people on social media as well, but overall I think we’d benefit as a society if social media was never invented. I think with social media, we’d be more connected to ourselves and one another, and I think in general humanity would be more authentic.

Tired, Happy, Present

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Yesterday my fiancé and I had our joint bach/engagement party with our friends! We went go-karting and had some friends back to the house after for some drinks and yummy mini bundt cakes! Everyone who couldn’t make it had told me to take pictures and have fun, and I definitely only did one of those things!

I only got a couple photos at the racetrack, and none had me in it LOL, but I’m happy with how everything turned out. My fiancé won first place, which I honestly expected with how much racing he does in VR and with set up he has in his office. I did not place overall which was expected LOL but I had a such a fun time and I am definitely sore as hell this morning.

Part of me wishes I got more photos, but the rest of me is so happy that I was just immersed in the experience and in the conversations with all of our friends there. It was nice to see everyone and just have some laughs and good food! I am so happy we were able to organize this event for us and our friends to celebrate before we get married in October!

Moment of Gratitude

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As I type this post, I am standing at the kitchen island typing on my laptop while sun beams in through all of the windows in the living room. One cat is basking in the sun rays, stretched out on the wood floor, while the other is entertaining herself with an empty amazon box. My fiancé is asleep in our bedroom, and our third cat is likely laying on the bed with him. I have my air pods in, listening to R&B now radio on apple music, and I am just soaking in the present moment, and thinking about the day ahead.

In less than an hour, I am meeting up with a friend to go on a walk here in town! We planned this a few weeks ago and I am so glad we have great weather for our walk! Then later my fiancé and I are headed to his parents for our monthly family dinner! We also had a game night last night at our friend’s place which was really fun, and it is just a weekend full of connection and good energy. This month my calendar is filling up, but it is all with seeing good friends and family, and I am just so grateful for this chapter in my life.

Wedding and honeymoon planning is just about done, and we are just finishing up planning for our joint bach party where we are going to celebrate with all of our friends with go-karting and food/drinks back at the house. I am just happy to be present here in my body to actually be able to enjoy all of these blessings around me. I am also grateful to my angels and guides who are protecting us and keeping only pure, supportive energy around us. I know that I can trust in the divine timing of everything in my life, and I can trust that all is exactly how it should be.

I am so thankful for this life. I feel lucky every single day knowing I have true love; the love I always needed in my life. I have a partner who is respectful and cares deeply about me, even after seeing me during my worst moments. The way he loves me and makes me feel so safe and free, I truly don’t know how I got so blessed, but I am forever grateful for him and our relationship. This is the year that we say our “I do’s,” but it was when we told each other “I love you” at the young age of 16 that we knew were going to love each other forever.