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When I Wake Up, I’ll Be 30

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Goodbye to my 20s

I accomplished so much in this past decade

My husband & I bought our home together

We grew in our careers

We got married

I went through a whirlwind of a mental health journey, and I’m still forever learning and evolving (as we all are)

I feel like so much abundance is on the horizon

Like I’m shedding these layers of programming

My inner critic is shrinking

My inner child is happy and growing

My inner compass is aligned

My inner knowing is strong

I always had the strength – I survived through everything in the last 3 decades

I survived when I was too young to know how to- my brain / amygdala knew how to though

I lived a lot of my life in survival mode, and within the last couple years I have finally been able to feel present- I’ve cried tears of joy over just being.

Just being.

And it’s crazy to think that maybe that’s the them of 30s… just being.

No pressure.

No people pleasing.

No perfectionism.

Just authenticity and honesty.

Just being.

Prompt

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What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?

Drinking alcohol every night of my life and getting belligerent on weekends- I decided I didn’t want to continue that. LOL so sorry that was definitely some dark humor, but also we didn’t really have traditions other than holiday stuff, and my husband and I don’t have kids yet so our traditions are our own for now!

Tuesday Thoughts

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• Everyone will judge you, even the people you love- do it anyways.

• If you’re ever staying quiet or small to “keep the peace”- ask who’s peace is it keeping?

• The worst that can happen is you die, and we all die- may as well live a life you enjoy!

• In any moment, you’re always younger than you’ll ever be again- what are you not doing bc you’re telling yourself you’re “too old?” Do it anyways.

Monday Mood

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Feeling extra tired today after the adventure we had yesterday. Mother nature also decided to pay me a visit last night, so that has added to the exhaustion. I worked for a while today and ended up leaving early, but it’s been nice to just rest at home.

Sunday

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My husband and I are on our way home after a fun day playing on a huge water obstacle course! Yesterday my husband suggested that we do something fun, and after looking online for a while, we decided on this! It was a much fun, but boy was it hella exercise LOL! I know we are gonna feel it tomorrow.

I’m so glad we went- not only because it was a fun date day, but also because I need to be prioritizing joy in this season of my life. I noticed yesterday after we booked it, and even this morning that I was having anxiety about it and feeling uneasy. I knew it was mainly because it’s not anything I’ve ever done before, but I still feel like part of me always tried to self-sabotage whenever I am doing something for myself.

The good news is that I noticed it early on today, and my husband was also very aware and making sure to check in on me and reassure me. I always feel bad that I tend to make our good days start out poorly just with my anxiety and control issues. I always feel like everything has to go perfectly, but my rigidness is worse than things just going awry on their own. I know this, and I know I need to give my perfectionist part of me love rather than shame.

Dear little perfectionist with me, you are allowed to relax. I know you had to make sure that all things were thought through, and I know that control makes you feel safe; the truth is that nothing is ever perfect, and you have not only survived all of those imperfect moments in your life- you thrived. No matter how much you overthink and over plan, all will happen exactly as it should, and you’ll always be able to handle it. You don’t have to be so uptight and rigid, in fact, you deserve rest and joy more than you know- I pray you open up to receive it.

Friday AM

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I’ve been feeling a shift coming, some wild blessings and miracles on the way. Like I’m excited, for something that I don’t know I’m excited for- if that makes sense. My birthday is around the corner, and I will say I am very excited to celebrate my 30th with my close friends, but it feels like it’s something else. Either way, I’m trusting in my angels and the universe that I can trust and just be ready to receive.

New Moon in Leo

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Happy New Moon!

As a fellow Leo, I am taking this new moon personal and I am reminding myself of who I am. This is about self-expression and self-admiration; celebrating your evolutions and successes while being unapologetic about it.

I’ve been feeling more pulled to be creative and be authentic. I’ve been posting reels on Instagram that are purely just me being me- like videos I send to my friends via snapchat. I am just allowing the energy to flow and be, rather than analyzing and trying to perfect everything I am doing.

I have come a long way in these almost 30 years of life (this is my last week in my 20s!), and I am beyond blessed and grateful for this life. On this forever healing journey, I have gone through moments where I felt like I’ve made zero progress. I’ve had times I felt like I completely reverted back to being controlled by my anxiety, but I am recognizing time and time again that it’s impossible to be “perfect” at healing.

Now that I also realize how much I do swing between “neglect” and “perfectionism” on this journey, I am reminding myself that I know that I am not aiming for perfection. I’m aiming to be able to “repair after rupture,” so basically get back up after I inevitably fall out of routine. Every time that I start again after falling into my anxiety, that is something to celebrate.

I hope you take time today to recognize your strength and your growth. May all of the intentions you set today be wrapped in divine light and love.

Future Travel

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What are your future travel plans?

My husband and I would love to travel over to Japan and the Philippines sometime in our lives. This is not currently planned considering we still need to renew our passports, but it’s definitely been on the mind. I know we also want to go back to where we got married down in Florida- we were thinking about going around Christmastime this year, but we will see!

We’ve done cruises in the past and although they were fun, we’re more interested in staying at an all inclusive resort somewhere. The hard part about cruises is typically your stops are only for a day or so, sometimes even just eight hours! So an all inclusive would be nice so we could explore one destination for a while.