I’d love to retire feeling very comfortable, to the point where we could be cruising every month if we wanted to. My fiancé is set on having a nice car to drive us around in so we can see the world together when we’re old- like he literally talks about shipping it overseas to have during vacations.
I know we need to focus on moving our bodies and having healthy habits now if we want to be walking and traveling a lot in our older years- so that is the focus for now. Also looking at financial goals and making actual plans to meet them is also important!
I spend the most time with my fiancé, which makes sense considering we live together. I did think about how we’re both away at work for 40 hours a week, but even with that and the time I take to socialize with friends, he definitely gets most of my time and that’s how I like it!
My fiancé is my favorite person, so naturally it makes sense that most of my time would be spent hanging out with him. I love his presence, I love our conversations and how well we communicate with each other, and overall I am just so happy to have him in my life!
Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?
Every time I tell someone my favorite childhood book, they all say the same thing: “I’ve never heard of it.” The book is called “Snuggle Piggy and the Magic Blanket,” and I still have it to this day, because I plan to read it to my future children!
It was about a young pig who had a magical blanket with all of these fun characters on it, and they would come to life in the night and hang out with him! I remember always being so excited to read that book, and I literally haven’t met a single person who has heard of that book other than my family who read it to me.
Describe one simple thing you do that brings joy to your life.
A simple thing I do that brings me joy is practicing gratitude. When I am feeling lost and chaotic within my brain, taking a pause to count my blessings really brings me back to the present, and brings me a sense of peace.
I’ve actually been feeling off the past few days, and I haven’t actually sat in stillness to remember all that I have to be grateful for, so I’ll take that opportunity now.
1. I am grateful for my fiancé. The fact that we have built a solid foundation over the past twelve years keeps me at peace as we get closer to our wedding date and starting a family. He has been such a patient, supportive man throughout even the worst of time, and I am so grateful to be loved by him, and so very grateful to love him as well.
2. I am grateful for my cats. It’s so crazy to think we adopted our first cat, Sky, almost nine years ago! She’s so sweet and cuddly and totally my baby. Mushu we rescued under someone’s porch only a few months after we adopted Sky, and at only four weeks old we had to bottle feed her and teach her how to use the litter and she truly did feel like our baby. Deacon we adopted from our old tattoo artist as she was moving out of state and told us she never bonded with him, which of course made me really sad- so we took him in and he is 100% my fiancé’s cat. He is always cuddling with him, and sometimes he will with me too. I feel so lucky to have our three black cats and to have them all here and healthy with us now.
3. I am grateful for our home and everything within in. We are blessed to have electricity, gas, water and all of our appliances and items. The fact that we get to wake up in a bed with a roof over our head is truly a blessing, and that’s not one I want to take for granted. We are so fortunate to have our home.
4. I am grateful for music. Music is something that can help me to escape, but also help me reconnect to myself all at the same time. Singing and dancing along to the songs I love makes me feel so free and happy. I love how there is such a variety of music in the world so that everyone can find something they like.
5. I am grateful for my health. I can walk, talk, breathe, eat and use the bathroom without any assistance or issues, and as someone who has dealt with bouts of horrendous back pain, I am grateful to be where I am today. My heart beats and my lungs breathe all for me without me even having to think about it, and that is a huge blessing. I am also grateful for access to healthcare, as both physical and mental therapy have been so helpful for me and my journey.
Overall, life has joy all around. Sometimes it feels harder to see it/feel it, but focusing on gratitude really helps to bring me back to how wonderful life is.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this beautiful life.
Cold weather is not my favorite, but at the same time, I am such a homebody and the cold really gives a great reason to stay inside. Also, snow is beautiful when you’re in the comfort of your own home with absolutely no obligations to leave.
I have never broken a bone (knocks on wood), but when I was 8 years old I did fracture my growth plate in my right hand by the ring finger knuckle. This was my first year of public school after being homeschooled for a couple of years and I was enjoying my time at recess. When they blew the whistles and it was time to line up to go back to class, I started running down the hill and on my way down I tripped and fell. As I went to catch myself, my middle finger and ring finger on my right hand basically did the splits, and I felt immediate pain.
When I went to get myself up, I took a look at my hand and my fingers were stuck split apart and I remember feeling scared and just crying out in pain. A teacher took me to the nurse and they called my dad to come and get me, and he ended up taking me to either the hospital or some sort of urgent care that had imaging available.
They took x-rays and brought the doctor in who let me and my dad know that I dislocated my ring finger, and that they needed to put it back into place. My 8 year old self was immediately scared, because something told me I was about to be in pain again. Of course, I was right and they told me that they needed to pull on my finger and move it back where it’s supposed to be, and that they really want to do it in one try to that they don’t have to do it again.
I cooperated mainly because the idea of me flinching or messing it up and having to do it all over again sounded worse than just getting it done in one shot. I did as they said and relaxed to the best of my ability and as I sat there on the table the doctor quickly grabbed my hand, pulled and shifted my finger back where it was supposed to me. In the midst of that I definitely let out a little scream and began to cry again, and immediately asked “do you have to do it again!?”
They told me they’d need another x-ray to know for certain so they started that process. Once they said it was all in place, I was so relieved to find out that I didn’t have to go through that torture again. I remember them telling me and my dad that there was a fracture and I’d have to wear a cast, and that I was excited for, because I’d seen other kids have people sign their casts.
I left with my fingers tapped together with a wrap bandage that they put all the way to my elbow for whatever reason, and a whole ass sling. We had to make a separate appointment elsewhere to go get the hard cast, and once we did that I only had the cast on my hand- it was cut off right by the wrist. I got hot pink because that was what I wanted, and I don’t remember how many weeks I had to wear it for, but I do remember seeing a very colorfully bruised (and kinda smelly) hand once they removed it.
I didn’t have to get recasted or do anything different in life once the cast was removed, other than going back to writing with my dominant hand that was out of commission for a few weeks (bet my teachers loved trying to read my homework during that time). I remembered being told that later in life I could feel aches or pains associated with the fractured growth plate, and this past winter I started having days where it would just throb in the exact area that was injured. It took 20 years, which was likely exacerbated by cell phone and computer mouse usage, but they were definitely right.
I really would rather not do that again or break any bones, which means I probably should be working out more and working on my balance to help me as I continue to age. I just checked the weather right now after writing that and it’s 66 and sunny out, so I think that means it’s time for a walk! I’ll make sure not to run down any hills.
What’s one small improvement you can make in your life?
I know I need the stillness. I know I need the pause. Part of me still fights it, because my mind and body were always used to chaos. Instead, I scroll or do chores or do anything to avoid the stillness, even though I know that the stillness helps me and is actually bearable in my current state. I know it’ll improve my life to make a dedicated meditation practice, even if it’s only for five minutes a day. Maybe I will tonight, but that’s what I always say.
Freedom means feeling at ease physically, spiritually, and mentally. Freedom is not worrying about how situations will play out or how long it’ll take to reach your dreams, it’s trusting that all is happening for you and in the best timing that is possible. Freedom is waking up without your heart racing in a panic, but instead you have a deep feeling at peace and are ready to go with the flow of the day. Freedom is not giving a f*ck what other people think of you, because after years of healing and diving into the depths of your soul, you know exactly who you are and you know you can trust yourself. Freedom is peace.
Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?
There is a quote I read for the first time a couple years ago that I still often think of; I even have an image of it as a widget on my phone so I can see it every day. I am still unable to find who said this quote, but is as follows:
“You will inspire some, and trigger others. Both are medicine.”
As a recovering people pleaser, this quote almost felt like it gave me permission to just be. I always knew the whole “you can’t please everyone,” quote, but this one hit my soul in a different way.
finding light in the dark 