This December my goal is to stay in the holiday spirit! I’m wanting to spread cheer and good energy, even when the world is being negative. I feel like people are so stressed around the holidays, when these are the times we need to enjoy.

My idea of holiday spirit starts in the home, with Christmas lights and decorations. We unfortunately do not have a tree, and that is because our cats will destroy it within five minutes of it being up. I do, however, hang Christmas lights up over the windows and usually some snow flake decor.

If simple things like Christmas candles and lights can make you smile, why not surround yourself with them! I also love the special holiday drinks that are available! My go-to drinks are the Chestnut Praline Latte from Starbucks and the Frosted White Chocolate Latte from Dunkin’. The only issue is they’re packed with sugar and calories, but that’s why I don’t treat myself to them every day (and luckily they’re only seasonal).

My boyfriend and I are throwing an ugly christmas sweater party this year and I’m honestly really looking forward to it. We’re going to have a hot chocolate bar and holiday themed snacks! I also want to make a holiday cranberry champagne thing I saw on Pinterest. I already have my list of food and items I need for the party, and then a separate list for gifts that I need.

My parents and I decided not to do gifts this year, which honestly I’m thrilled about. More money in my pocket!! (Lol kidding, more gifts for other people). My boyfriend and I also decided no gifts but we are just getting things for the house, which I love! I have a select few people I want to give gifts to and I am going to make individualized christmas gift baskets for each of them. Then I just have a couple babies to buy for and a four-year-old (aka the fun gifts!)

Making lists and planning ahead really keeps my anxiety down and I think this is going to help me make it through December with minimal winter blues. If anyone has any suggestions or wants to share their plans for this December, please do! ♡

I’m thankful for many things in my life. For one, I am very thankful for my boyfriend. This man loves me unconditionally, truly believes I’m the most gorgeous woman on this planet, and he is hard-working and ambitious. He has stuck around for over eight years; helping me through panic attacks and depressive episodes and never making me feel that I am defined by my mental illnesses.

I am also very thankful for my friends. I have friends who are great mothers. I have friends who are adventurous and exciting. I have friends who like to just chill and talk about anything. Most importantly, all of these friends are supportive and care about me. For that, I am forever grateful.

I am thankful to be a cat mom of three beautiful, black fur babies. People who think black cats are bad luck and evil are completely wrong, as my babies are so sweet and cuddly. Although Mushu can be hyper and crazy at times, she still loves snuggling at the end of the day.

I’m thankful for my family, and that I still have many of my family members around. I’m especially thankful for my mom, who loves and supports me 24/7, and also takes my after work phone call every day. I’m thankful for my aunts and grandma and my cousins, even if I don’t get to see them often.

Although I can recognize all of these wonderful aspects of my life, today I still feel off. I feel like nothing. I don’t know how else to explain it. I’m not angry or depressed, I’m not excited or happy; I really just want to be laying in bed doing nothing. I feel myself having no motivation these last few days and it’s making me upset with myself. I told myself I could fight the seasonal depression and that it’s all in my head, but I was wrong. No, I’m not giving up, more-so I’m just accepting the fact that it is real and it is something I struggle with.

I want to keep trying to visit people and make myself productive, but I’m also so exhausted by life. I’m exhausted by the darkness and the grey skies. I’m exhausted at work and exhausted at home. I don’t want to do anything. But hey, at least I’m writing. ♡

I don’t like Thanksgiving. I never really have, and I don’t feel bad saying or feeling this way. I feel happy for those who enjoy the holiday, I just don’t happen to be one of those people. The food isn’t my favorite, getting together with my family isn’t exactly my favorite either. I don’t know… I just really don’t like it. I feel blessed and thankful every day of my life, and I don’t think me not liking the holiday makes me a shitty person.

I’m not exactly feeling right. I don’t want to say I feel depressed, but I just don’t feel as energetic and motivated as usual. Yesterday, I organized the cabinets under the bathroom sinks and I felt really accomplished after that. I also did my laundry yesterday and the dishes. I went to the grocery store today and it’s my day to relax, but instead my brain is running a million miles a minute.

One of my good friends is going through a lot right now, and I feel bad that I’m not around to help. At the same time though, I feel like if I were around it wouldn’t be good for me because I get too involved and literally forget about myself and my feelings. I know that I will start to feel what she’s feeling, and I don’t think I can do that right now. I’m trying hard to work on myself. I’m trying to remind her how strong she is on her own and that she doesn’t need shit people in her life. I want to help, but also have to do so at a healthy distance.

I’m also already really annoyed by my family Christmas plans. We had a whole group chat exchange today about the Christmas get-together date that was literally just a bunch of pointless sass just to end up picking the same day we had originally picked. I’m also annoyed that we revolve everything around the people who aren’t even technically family, but whatever.

I’m really looking forward to everyone asking me where my boyfriend is at the Christmas event like they do every year. (BTW that was complete sarcasm in case you couldn’t tell). Literally it’s always the same answer, but they ask like I’m going to have some new reason. Honestly, I don’t even want to be there. I like visiting family members one on one, but when we get together as a big group it makes me anxious and someone always ends up bickering. Overall, it’s just not that great of a time to me.

I am thankful that I have family members around and in my life, but I can only handle them in small doses. And, again, I’d rather hang out with one or two family members at a time than all of them at once. I’m annoyed with myself for feeling so shitty around the holidays. Christmas eve should be fun because my best friend is moving back in town and we’re going to start Christmas Eve traditions together with her son!

I can’t wait (and also totally can) for when my boyfriend and I have our own family in the future and have our own holiday traditions. Right now I just want to buy a bunch of cute stuff for our house and make it all festive. I want a white/grey area rug and an electric fireplace that we can mount on the wall. We also want a new bed though and a new TV. I keep spending a bunch of money though so I’m trying to stop myself from doing that.

I feel like I keep spending money and I really need to stop. My credit card is so high from the cruise and then my new tattoos. But also I just want to get new stuff for the house so when I’m busy hibernating this winter I’ll at least enjoy my surroundings. Not that I don’t already, but there’s so much I want to do to our house. I keep thinking about going to Walmart and looking at desks and area rugs, but I’m also lazy as hell and don’t feel like putting a bra back on. I was almost too lazy to write on this today but I don’t want to let myself down because I’ve been very consistent with posting every Sunday. At least I did that today, despite how weird I’ve been feeling.

Today I got myself my favorite holiday drink from Starbucks, and I turned on the Christmas lights hanging in my living room. Honestly, just those small touches of Christmas really made me feel better. ♡

I had a good weekend, full of visiting good people and getting out of the house… yet today I just feel kind of down. Not like I can’t do anything, but I just don’t feel motivated and I’m exhausted.

Luckily yesterday I had a burst of energy that allowed me to put away all of my laundry instead of letting it pile up. This time change/getting dark early shit really messed with me this year. It doesn’t help that it’s really cold outside already.

I am getting more tattoos this upcoming weekend which is exciting, and the weekend after that I’m hoping to go out to Iowa to visit one of my best friends and my goddaughter who recently turned one. I’m just trying to keep making plans so I don’t fall into a depressive slump. ♡

My boyfriend and I threw a halloween party last night and had a nice group of friends show up. I didn’t get much sleep and I really need it right now, because I’m sick, but I’m sure I will sleep like a rock tonight. I’m just not looking forward to work tomorrow, but I am trying to be in a better mindset about that.

I know tomorrow won’t be bad, and with me feeling better than I did last week I should be able to get more done. This week I will finally be able to catch up on what was missed when I was on vacation, and I am looking forward to having a productive week.

This morning a good friend and I went to breakfast at a cute little family diner, and the food was delicious! I’d never been to this place before even though it’s right in my town, but we wanted breakfast and the place had good reviews so we decided to try it out; luckily she and I were both very pleased!

I love going new places and I found that I often am trying new things and seeing new places when I’m with her, and I think that plays a lot into our friendship. I have this sense of freedom and adventure within me that I love to unleash sometimes, and she is the same way! A couple years ago, her and I went on a spontaneous trip to Denver for her birthday, and that was definitely one of my favorite trips I’ve ever taken.

I’m very lucky to have such good people in my life. When we were at breakfast this morning we were talking about friendships and having toxic people in our lives, and how different things can be once you realize someone is toxic and you just stop dealing with their shit. There’s no reason to have negativity in our lives. Life is already hard and depressing, why should we focus on those parts and live our lives upset? I’d much rather be around those who encourage me and support me, and be around those who want to progress in life.

As much as this blog has been about me learning to love and understand myself, I’ve come to realize that surrounding yourself with the right people and environments can be very rewarding and helpful when it comes to happiness. It is important to realize who is toxic in your life and either address that situation head on and fix it, or cut that negativity out of your life.

I am very blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t a few toxic ones, but I’ve definitely limited contact with those people for the most part and am also learning how I can distance myself emotionally from them. ♡

I’m typing this from a comfy king bed in a Miami hotel, relaxing after our cruise. My boyfriend and I decided we will be starting a couple’s vlog and we recorded some parts of our vacation so we will be putting that together once we’re back home and we will get on a schedule for that as well.

This vacation was much needed; spending one on one time with each other without the stress of work is truly a blessing. He is laying next to me catching up on youtube videos and podcasts that he’s missed while we were without internet. I posted a bunch of photos on social media for family and friends to see how vacation was.

As much as it will suck to go back to work, I am kind of looking forward to it! My coworkers sent me messages and commented on posts letting me know how much they miss me and it’s honestly great to be appreciated at work, especially when I know I put a lot of effort into my work.

My boyfriend wants to start working out/dieting once we’re home, and I also would like to join him on that journey. We are young and relatively healthy, but we want to make sure we live long lives together and are able to have fun with our future children. I want to be active and build strength, and I am the only person who can make that happen.

We are the only people standing in our way. We can truly do anything we put our minds and effort towards. I feel like once you come to that realization the only thing to do is better yourself. I’m sure my motivation will dwindle as I get back to the cold weather, but if I get into a routine and remind myself of the end goal then hopefully that will be enough to keep my from sinking into that winter depression.

I don’t expect to be perfect at this; in fact I expect to have some difficulty. There’s no point in assuming everything will be easy, as we are all imperfect beings and we all struggle, but if we keep trying then we can do anything. I don’t want to waste my years being miserable and sad. I don’t want to waste my years being angry or resentful. I want to live my life, and love my life. ♡

Doing an early post today, as I always seem to wake up extra early on days when I can sleep in. It’s 6:30am. and I’ve been up and laying here for about 25 minutes now just scrolling through social media. I honestly will probably go back to sleep after this post if I can.

Today my boyfriend and I are going to get pedicures and see the new Joker movie. We leave for vacation on Friday and this weekend pwe are getting ready to go! Yesterday we were shopping for him, and today I’ll have to find a new pink dress that matches his shirt.

When we go on cruises there’s always one “fancy night” where everyone gets dressed up and you can have professional pictures taken with tons of different back drops and props, and then you choose if you want to buy any or not. This year the color we chose is pink. The dress I have now is cute, but it’s reminds me more of a dress you wear to a club than a nice one so today I need to find a new one.

I’m so excited for this vacation with my boyfriend. I know I’ve been posting on Sunday’s for the last few weeks, but I won’t have internet/service on the boat as I prefer to not pay for that and just enjoy my time. When I come back I’ll get right back to it!

I don’t want to fall too hard into the post-vacation blues, so I have been making plans to have for when we get back! On the Saturday after we get back we’re having a Halloween party/ birthday party for my boyfriend. A couple weeks after that I’m going to see my tattoo artist to keep working on my sleeve. Towards the end of November I’ll probably start decorating for the holidays because Christmas lights make me happy. Depending on how broke I am after this cruise I’m hoping I might be able to escape to a beach somewhere for a weekend early in December or maybe in January, but we will see!

Alright well I’m going to go back to sleep now… hopefully. Let’s hope I’m able to find a dress and shoes later! ♡

I’m far too tired to write very much. I am waiting for my boyfriend to call me as he is over at his parents’ house right now. I feel like as soon as we hang up I’m going to fall asleep.

Today I had plans to hang out with a good friend today and although we didn’t do anything that we had originally planned to, we still had an awesome day.

All I can think about right now is vacation and I am getting so impatient! Also, I will not be blogging during our vacation this month as we will be unplugging from the world. I’m excited to spend time with my boyfriend and just be able to focus on us.

That’s all I feel like writing right now as my eyelids are heavy af. Goodnight, all! ♡

October is almost here! My boyfriend and I celebrate eight years together on the 2nd, and we have a cruise planned later on in the month! I’m not going to lie, life has been pretty stressful lately, but just knowing I have this vacation to look forward to makes it all worth it.

This will be the third cruise we have gone on together, and I always feel like our relationship gets even stronger after each trip. I’m sure it’s because it’s just us (and his family at times) for a week and we don’t have to worry about work at all during that time. We can focus on each other and relax together.

After vacation we will get to celebrate halloween, and then my boyfriend’s 25th birthday! I have to keep thinking of all of the events I have to look forward to, so I can try to not fall into a winter depression. This winter I really want to stay active and make sure I do things outside of my house. I feel like one of the main reasons for seasonal affective disorder is the lack of sunlight, as well as the lack of energy we are exerting. I personally hate the cold, but I wouldn’t mind going and meeting someone at the rec center to swim, or at a bowling alley!

Once it gets cold and gloomy outside, I often find it hard to even get out of bed, which makes it nearly impossible for me to want to drive anywhere. I will probably have to start a morning routine, whether it be working out or stretching, or even just taking a quick walk around the neighborhood to try to stay motivated and energized.

A benefit I have this year is that this December my best friend is moving back home, which makes me very happy! I feel like this winter will be much better than last year, because we know we will have each other to hang out with and motivate one another to stay positive! I know we will each have days that will be harder than others, but we can push each other to keep moving forward. ♡