Actual Thanksgiving

I’m thankful for many things in my life. For one, I am very thankful for my boyfriend. This man loves me unconditionally, truly believes I’m the most gorgeous woman on this planet, and he is hard-working and ambitious. He has stuck around for over eight years; helping me through panic attacks and depressive episodes and never making me feel that I am defined by my mental illnesses.

I am also very thankful for my friends. I have friends who are great mothers. I have friends who are adventurous and exciting. I have friends who like to just chill and talk about anything. Most importantly, all of these friends are supportive and care about me. For that, I am forever grateful.

I am thankful to be a cat mom of three beautiful, black fur babies. People who think black cats are bad luck and evil are completely wrong, as my babies are so sweet and cuddly. Although Mushu can be hyper and crazy at times, she still loves snuggling at the end of the day.

I’m thankful for my family, and that I still have many of my family members around. I’m especially thankful for my mom, who loves and supports me 24/7, and also takes my after work phone call every day. I’m thankful for my aunts and grandma and my cousins, even if I don’t get to see them often.

Although I can recognize all of these wonderful aspects of my life, today I still feel off. I feel like nothing. I don’t know how else to explain it. I’m not angry or depressed, I’m not excited or happy; I really just want to be laying in bed doing nothing. I feel myself having no motivation these last few days and it’s making me upset with myself. I told myself I could fight the seasonal depression and that it’s all in my head, but I was wrong. No, I’m not giving up, more-so I’m just accepting the fact that it is real and it is something I struggle with.

I want to keep trying to visit people and make myself productive, but I’m also so exhausted by life. I’m exhausted by the darkness and the grey skies. I’m exhausted at work and exhausted at home. I don’t want to do anything. But hey, at least I’m writing. ♡

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