Author: hermagicalthoughts

Early Sunday Thoughts from my Bed

blog

As I lie here half asleep in my comfortable, warm bed, I can’t help but feel content. I remember the days where the second my eyes were open, I was immediately up working on household chores or school work or some other task that probably didn’t actually need to be done; I wouldn’t allow myself to rest. I’d always tell myself “I just have to get it all done now so I can relax later,” but later never came. I’d just add more and more tasks, none of which contained any rest or self care.

I used to feel chronically guilty and shameful when I’d rest or spend any time (or money) on myself. I felt shame around resting because it felt like laziness. I felt shame around spending money on myself because it felt like a waste- like whatever I had just purchased was stupid or completely unnecessary. If something unexpected came up and we needed money, I’d immediately think of how much I spent on myself and feel guilty and like everything was my fault. I always felt like everything was my fault.

I now live a life where I have unlearned some unhealthy patterns and I have released such shameful, guilty feelings for the most part. As a human, sometimes I will get triggered again, but it’s easier to acknowledge and give myself grace as I am aware of where these issues stem from. I feel so blessed to be able to just lay in bed next to the love of my life and relax for hours and not feel an ounce of guilt. Tasks will get done, life will go on, and it’s important to think about which memories are the ones I’ll want to bask in when I’m an old lady.

I’ll never regret cuddles with my fiancé or with my cats. I won’t regret the iced coffees or trips to cute downtown areas. I won’t regret the times I spent writing or being creative. I won’t regret taking the time to count my blessings. I won’t regret nice phone calls with friends. I won’t regret the fact that I decided to focus on my mental health and my own well-being, as it has allowed me to be more present in my life and truly soak in the love that surrounds me. More importantly, it allows me give that love to myself.

Tired

blog

I’ve been lazy with writing lately, but I’ve been present in my interactions. I’ve been slacking on my movement and healthy eating, but I’ve been better about giving myself grace. I’ve been tired and feeling like taking a little break, so I think I’m actually going to do that and minimize interactions with people for the next couple weeks. It’s been a good day, and a good weekend overall- I am ready for a pleasant, lucky week ahead. 🤍✨

New Moon Intentions

blog

Focus on the joy, and seek more of it.

See through a lens of love, and accept more of it.

Speak with honesty and kindness, and practice discernment.

Give time and effort to what fuels me and my future, and release the habits that are holding me back.

Be present.

Be mindful.

Be intentional.

Just be.

I hated getting asked this:

blog

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

“When are you guys getting married?” “When is he gonna propose?” “What’s taking so long?”

In one way, I get it- we were together for 12 years before we got engaged, and in this society that is “not normal.” In another way, I am like fuck society and these fake timelines that we love to project onto everyone.

I personally am very happy with my fiancé and our relationship, and I was happy prior to having a ring. I also am a more private person and especially when it comes to things that I find to be very precious or intimate, so it can be easy to assume things when there aren’t a lot of details given. But we all know what happens when we make assumptions… lol.

I am happy with this timeline of my life, and I am excited to be able to tell our future children about our love story and show them how healthy, true love can look. I am happy to have this foundation built prior to jumping into marriage, as we are both so confident in our relationship and we know the best and worst parts of each other.

If we would have gotten married right at 18 or 19 before we moved out, we would have been judged for that. At the same time, we had judgment from family about us moving in together so young, and a couple years after that we even had judgment thrown at us when we decided to buy a house.

I have my own views, as does my fiancé, and considering we are the only people in our relationship, our opinions are the only relevant ones when it comes to us. In general, people are always going to have opinions, but what is important is that you stay true to your own beliefs and values, despite all of the outside noise.

I cry

blog

I cry when I listen to people who are brave enough to release their truth- being completely vulnerable and open in front of such a chaotic, loud world.

I cry when I hear someone talking about the progress they’ve made and celebrating their successes.

I cry when I hear about devastating loss, and when I think about the strength that each human has to be able to continue through life after such tragedy.

I cry when I listen to people talk about true, pure love and when I can see it beaming from their eyes- seeing the wave of emotion take over and wash away all fears.

I cry when I feel, which is often. I used to hate crying but now I love it. It’s a release, but it’s also a reminder of how deeply we can connect to ourselves and each other.

Autobiography Opening Sentence:

blog

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

“As an only child who was raised by functioning alcoholics, Jena was destined to be a healer.”

LOL not gonna lie, writing that sentence weirdly made me more motivated to pursue certain projects that I’ve been avoiding.

Thank you.

Good Morning, Monday!

blog

My intentions for this week are to stay grounded in my own happiness and peaceful energy. I plan to focus on all of the love in my life and start getting back into my health goals: less eating out and more movement!

I’ve been struggling with some neck/shoulder pain that has traveled to the arm, and so I need to make sure I am focusing on getting my body back to optimal health and preferably minimal pain. I went to the chiropractor for this pain before (back before it was this bad) and they relieved me of my pain there, but then I started struggling with the lower back pain.

When I started PT for my lower back and started getting that feeling back to normal, I could feel the twinge in my shoulder coming back, but when I’d make little comments and PT they weren’t addressed. Now, I know I could have spoke up and advocated more for myself, but I didn’t and since then my insurance has changed so I think it’s time I get back for a fresh start. I can’t see my primary care until the end of the month, so for now I will be seeing what stretches and exercises help me in the meantime.

Now it’s time to start the work day! I hope everyone has an amazing week ahead!

Prompt:

blog

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

Moving out with my significant other at 19 was a huge turning point for me. I was financially responsible and prepared, but my traumas and mental health caught up to me which started a long journey of healing and growing.

Going to therapy, having to advocate for myself when trying different medications for my anxiety, actually coming to a place in my mind where I didn’t hate myself and my brain… all of these experiences have helped me grow. I am blessed to be regulated off medications now, but like any other human, there are still things I continue to work through and will be doing for the rest of my life; the difference is that now I finally feel I’m worth it, and I’m healing out of love, not shame.

Do I believe in fate? 100%

blog

Do you believe in fate/destiny?

When you look up the definition of fate, Oxford dictionary defines it as “
the development of events beyond a person’s control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power.” When I read this I initially thought about the quote “everything happens for a reason,” which also happens to be the first tattoo I ever got. That is something I have always been told and something I have always believed.

I’d like to believe that there is a higher power that has a greater plan and everything is happening as it should. This is something I have been finding peace in and can completely understand why people are religious and/or spiritual. It’s much easier to let go when you trust that there is a positive source conducting your life in the best possible way. There isn’t any way to prove it, but our brain will automatically look for confirmation bias and it’s honestly more enjoyable to believe that than the chaotic, anxious thoughts that used to spin around in my brain.