Battling Guilt

Well, I decided to leave my current position and take the billing job with my old company! I felt a huge sigh of relief when I finally made my decision and accepted the offer, but now I am battling all of the guilty feelings. I had to tell my team yesterday that I was leaving, and it was not taken well. I know that this office has been through way too much…before me especially; but that cannot keep me from doing what I feel is best for me. I tried to keep them in good spirits by letting them know that my coworker would be their new Team Lead, and that she knows everything that I do. She is reliable, a hard-worker, and we all love her; she will do an amazing job as Team Lead. I understand that we work well together as a team, but she will find a compatible coworker and train her to be just as good.

I do want to explain what made me finally decide on the other position. As I said before, my manager from my previous office reached out to me originally with the offer to come to the billing team, and they would give me all my benefits back as if I never left. I originally declined because she could not give me more than what I was making hourly, and I preferred that as my insurance will be more expensive at that company (but hopefully my boyfriend and I will be getting a civil union or married so I can get on his insurance). I started the interview process for the billing team at my current company, and that office is an hour from my house (so I had to keep that in mind).

I hated the drive; I felt like it was such as long waste of time. I got there, and when I did my interview I let him know that I had another offer and I needed to make a certain amount in order to consider the billing job at that location. He let me know that he would talk to some people and get back to me, but it likely would not be until this week (and this was last Monday). He said once they gave me more information, if I want to move forward I would talk to my front desk coworker about moving up to Team Lead. Fast forward to this passed Tuesday (one week and a day after my interview), I am scrolling on Indeed and I see that my current position is on there: “Team Leader” at (insert my current place of work). Not only that, it said “posted 5 days ago.” FIVE DAYS AGO? Um, I do not remember getting any offer or accepting this billing job? Also, what about current front desk coworker- she is supposed to take my position!

So, clearly this upset me. I emailed my regional coach right away to tell her what I saw, and explained why my current front desk should be the new Team Lead. When she spoke to me the next day (yesterday) she let me know that they would consider her, but also were worried about experience (which is what they said when we originally brought her on, but she is AMAZING). She also said she would be in touch with the guy who interviewed me and get back to me about what information they had, and never acknowledged the fact that they posted the indeed ad without me even accepting the offer. I still knew I had a current job, but honestly, once I saw that it was up for grabs, I knew I had to make a decision to work an hour from my house (for maybe no more money?) or take the offer at the other place since it had already been 10 days since they offered it to me, and I’m sure they had other candidates interviewing. So, I waited for my boyfriend’s lunch to call him on the phone and discuss options, and we decided it was best to take the job at my previous company; I immediately reached out and asked if the position was still available and was relieved when she said it was.

I am finishing out my two weeks at my current job, and I want to get my coworker feeling organized and confident that she’s got this! Of course now one of the CEO’s is reaching out to me as he just found out that I put in my notice (ahem, two days ago), and is asking what they can do to keep me. Well, they can’t. I already accepted an offer, and I am excited to be working a normal schedule, with no weekends. I am excited to have a guaranteed 40 hours, and it is less than 30 minutes from my house which is what I wanted. Not only that, but this is work that I won’t ever bring home with me. I will be verifying insurances, entering checks, helping offices figure out accounts/balances… I won’t have to interact with any patients. I am happy to have steady hours that are always the same; it makes it easier to get into a good, healthy routine.

I know that I made the right choice for myself, but I cannot help but feel like I am abandoning my team. I know they will be fine without me, but I felt so bad when I had to hear their reactions when I told them I was leaving. One of the hygienists cried; they honestly all looked defeated. They started saying how they finally felt stable with a good team, and that I got this place back where it should be, and I reminded them that now the mess is cleaned up, and my current coworker knows how to keep it this way. She will be able to train the next person, and I am sure they will be a great team together. I can’t help but go back and forth feeling guilt, but I am just reminding myself that I made the right decision.

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