Just woke up from what felt like a series of confusing nightmares of not being enough:

I’m not enough, but at the same time, I was also not trying because I don’t believe in myself. The pressures of pleasing everyone else and not being a disappointment swirling around at every turn. Seeing everyone else’s have fun while I punish myself for not being perfect. I distract myself with to-do lists and chores while getting overwhelmed. I don’t participate in the fun or games due to fear of failure and looking stupid.

Everywhere I go, I just want to cry- yet, I’m also so angry. But with who? It can only be me. I’m stopping myself from having fun and being around everyone because I am insecure about my intelligence and even my body at times. I’m putting this insane pressure on myself that I would never put on others. I’m worried about disappointing and upsetting others, while also continuously disappointing and upsetting myself. Who am I living for? What do I care about? What is important to me?