ifs

Sunday

blog

My husband and I are on our way home after a fun day playing on a huge water obstacle course! Yesterday my husband suggested that we do something fun, and after looking online for a while, we decided on this! It was a much fun, but boy was it hella exercise LOL! I know we are gonna feel it tomorrow.

I’m so glad we went- not only because it was a fun date day, but also because I need to be prioritizing joy in this season of my life. I noticed yesterday after we booked it, and even this morning that I was having anxiety about it and feeling uneasy. I knew it was mainly because it’s not anything I’ve ever done before, but I still feel like part of me always tried to self-sabotage whenever I am doing something for myself.

The good news is that I noticed it early on today, and my husband was also very aware and making sure to check in on me and reassure me. I always feel bad that I tend to make our good days start out poorly just with my anxiety and control issues. I always feel like everything has to go perfectly, but my rigidness is worse than things just going awry on their own. I know this, and I know I need to give my perfectionist part of me love rather than shame.

Dear little perfectionist with me, you are allowed to relax. I know you had to make sure that all things were thought through, and I know that control makes you feel safe; the truth is that nothing is ever perfect, and you have not only survived all of those imperfect moments in your life- you thrived. No matter how much you overthink and over plan, all will happen exactly as it should, and you’ll always be able to handle it. You don’t have to be so uptight and rigid, in fact, you deserve rest and joy more than you know- I pray you open up to receive it.

Talking To Myself: A Poem

My Poetry, poetry

Do you ever look back at old poems you wrote?

Wondering if you really did that on your own?

Do you admire your work and embrace it with awe?

Do you scroll on past it like you do on your phone?

When you read words you wrote in your teenage years

Does it feel so distant and far away?

Does it feel like you could feel that pain again?

Could you step back in that headspace today?

If you could then would you?

Just to see how it would feel?

To be able to pull yourself out of it

Now that you’re grown and healed?

Would you rescue your inner child?

Tell her that she is safe in your arms?

Would you tell her of all the good things

While shielding her from the world’s harms?

Would you tell her to keep writing?

Would you encourage her to follow her dreams?

Would you give her unconditional love?

Protect and care for her by any means?

Would you give that love to her freely,

Without expecting anything in return?

Would you be happy as she grew older?

Would you inspire her to learn?

You’d give your full heart to her,

Without any question or doubt.

So as you sit here as the grown inner child,

Thinking of something to write about,

You were able to answer your question.

Did you deserve the bad things that happened to you?

Are you responsible for unhealed people’s actions?

Are all of the things your parents said true?

No, no and no.

Your life may have been unfair,

But your life is now yours to live,

So please do so with care.

Please give yourself that same love and grace

That you’d give to your younger self.

Please allow yourself to accept love from others

While also focusing on your mental health.

Focus on the peace and blessings

Feel deeply into the joy and warmth life brings

As life is known to have challenges

But you’ll be able to handle these things

You have your intuition to guide you

As well as your angels and the divine;

You know deep down that no matter what,

Everything will be just fine.

Let go of that control,

Breathe into that inner peace;

Hand over your worries

So all tension can be released.

Lean into faith and self trust,

Relax your shoulders and jaw.

Allow yourself to embrace life;

Just sit back and admire in awe.

You didn’t come this far just to come this far,

Where you are in life is only beginning.

It will get better than you can even imagine,

Just lean into faith and stop over-thinking.