Meh

Yesterday was a bad mental health day. Although I was productive, I was feeling very “meh” all day and was just being very hard on myself. I am able to recognize when I am being hard on myself and when I’m overworking myself, but I can’t seem to stop it. My hardest struggle right now is the new job.

I love my new job, honestly! There’s just quite a few things that are similar to one of my previous jobs, and unfortunately it’s a bit triggering for me and my body. I’m not throwing up daily or anything like I did at the job I’m referring to, but there’s just an overwhelming amount of mistakes to fix again, and it feels like I’m drowning in it.

I find myself having difficulty sleeping again, and constantly dreaming about being at work. The good thing is that all of my coworkers and higher ups are very encouraging and are so pleased with me and they tell me daily that I’m doing a great job- and I know I am too- I just can’t help but feel like I’m never doing enough.

I feel like I mainly have this issue when I’m in leadership positions at work, because I feel like everything comes down on me (even though it’s not true because this is a team effort) and I put way to high of expectations on myself. I want to make sure no one is stressed, including myself, so I overwork myself trying to prevent anything from going wrong. The problem is, I keep walking into jobs where there is A LOT of clean up, so mainly everything is going wrong until I can fix it all.

I’m going to learn a balance; luckily my regional coach is always reminding me that they don’t want me to burn out. She told me that it’s very easy to want to work all day as there will always be stuff to do, but work/life balance is important. I just have to be better at setting myself a boundary so I stop over-working myself and stop making myself more anxious.