Stumble

I can feel myself moving backwards in my progress. The anxiety is back; it has been for a couple weeks and it doesn’t seem to be getting better. I feel so exhausted and defeated. I can see my lack of effort around the house, and it upsets me, I just don’t have the energy to fix it.

I’m overwhelmed at work which has caused me to make a couple mistakes, which isn’t helping with the constant anxiety and self doubt. I mean, I am aware that I’m too hard on myself… I always have been. In 5th grade I remember getting my report card and seeing all A’s and one big, ugly C and being so upset. I went home to my parents in tears and showed them the horror that was my biggest academic failure yet (I mean, it was 5th grade)! But guess what? They weren’t upset at all. They were proud of my A’s and weren’t angry about the C, but I still was.

I’ve always been like this, and I hate it. I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack by the time I’m 30 with the way I stress myself out. I want to learn to live in the present. I need to be at peace.

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