Starting.

I have been feeling much better lately, and I am finally going to start seeing a new therapist in about a month! I feel that now I have a much clearer mindset which will hopefully make this process a bit easier. I literally had a second where I thought that maybe I don’t need therapy or help because now my medication has made a world of a difference for me, but my boyfriend kindly reminded me that the problems are within, and the Prozac is simply a band-aid. That is as true as it gets, and I don’t want to rely on medications anyways.

This morning I went to the gym before work, which is the first time I’ve done this being 9-5pm! I will say, I felt GREAT all day (especially for a Monday). I plan to go again tomorrow and I am really wanting to make this a habit for me. Habits are something you do not have to think about, you just do it, so if I can do it enough where it becomes second nature I think it would benefit me a lot. I know in general doctors tell you that exercising helps with depression/anxiety, and I have always known that to be true from experience, I just always fall out of my routines. The important thing though is that I start again, and that is exactly what I plan to do.

I have had a recent good idea which will bring me back into my poetry, which I am very excited about, but also I do not feel just ready to start. My “poetry” and writings I’ve done (which are not all on here as most were handwritten and I will need to type them out to put on here) are depressing. I have a few happy ones as well, but I feel so much more connected to the sad ones, likely because I have had this darkness lingering inside of me for so long that it was always easy to feed off of. Now I can channel these thoughts into something beautiful. My goal is to write enough poetry to be able to publish at least one book of just poems. My grandmother has published a couple of books of her poems, and I am unsure if she makes any money but honestly it wouldn’t even matter to me. Just being able to write enough poems and have that inspiration to keep going would be enough for me.

Nice weather often makes me feel more inspired and motivated, so this upcoming summer I am planning to go out of my comfort zone and go write outside of my house, and would like to try get back into photography as well. Maybe I can incorporate my photos with my poetry, but we will see! ♡

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