Acceptance

After much thought, I am back on an anxiety medication. It’s new, and I’ve only been on it for a few days at this point, but it’s not making me nauseous so that’s what I’m happy about! Over the past couple of months, my anxiety has been through the roof. I knew it was getting bad when my cats were sick, but I sat down and thought about the panic attacks I had in January and in December. I’ve always been anxious, but I’ve never really had more than 3-4 panic attacks a year, and the fact that I had 5 in the span of 3 months was kind of a wake up call.

What really prompted me to finally go to my primary care doctor was the chest pain that I was having. The pain only came when I was stressed/scared and it was happening for about 3 weeks before I finally decided to go to the doctor. I’ve always been a stressed person, and on top of that I’m anxious all the time, so naturally I’m convinced that I’m going to have a heart attack by the time I’m 30 (only 6.5 years to go). Luckily my doctor reassured me that the chest pain was just from the anxiety and she had discussed counseling with me, which I plan to do, and also discussed medications.

When talking to her, I let her know about my past experience with Zoloft and how my doctor at that time told me to stay on the pills, even when I told her I was not liking them. She let me know right away that she will always listen to me and not keep me on anything that I don’t like, and she gave me some options. She had offered Xanax, but with my family history of alcoholism/addiction that scares me, so I told her that and she understood. She also said that with the amount of panic attacks I was having that a daily medication would probably be best, which I agreed with.

After discussing my zombie feeling I had on Zoloft, we agreed on Lexapro, but shortly after starting this I was very nauseous and I actually had thrown up a few times. I called her and they said to stop the medication, so I did, and they sent through Prozac instead for me to try. In the midst of all of that I also had developed a fever in the evening of the night she told me to stop, so I am not sure if it was the medication or possible flu that made me sick, but regardless I am now on Prozac. It has only been a few days, and if anything I just feel tired, but I’m not nauseous!

I’m obviously going to give this more time and also get into counseling/therapy, but I’m really hoping this one goes well. I’m only on 20mg a day right now, but I’ve had friends and family who have had good results with prozac. I’m just hoping for the best and trying to remind myself that taking a medication doesn’t mean I’ve failed myself (since I told myself I’d never go back on meds), if anything I think it means that I have learned to accept help when needed.

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