My favorite band released a new album on June 15th, and today was the first day I listened to every song on it. Listening to them always brings me to a place in my mind where I feel the most real. I do not consider myself to be a “fake” person, but I do feel that I put on a smile more often than I actually want to, and I tolerate certain things that I probably shouldn’t. I rarely speak my thoughts allowed in fear of how it would affect someone else. I am someone who never likes to “rock the boat”; I basically avoid confrontation. I would much rather there be no conflict and just have peace, but also I cannot let people walk all over me, and that is why this is something that I want to work on.
I’m not saying that I want to go around shoving my opinions in everyone’s business and blatantly offending people, however I do plan to be more open and vocal about my thoughts, rather than silently agreeing to avoid conflict. I will express my perspective and viewpoints, even when I am disagreeing with someone. I plan to express how I am feeling, and I will not have shame for my emotions and thoughts, because they are mine. I have to embrace the fact that I am an emotional person, and remember that I am an empath. I often absorb other people’s emotional burdens, and take them on even if I have never been their situation.
I find being an empath to be a blessing and a curse; I enjoy being able to relate and connect with the people I love, but it is exhausting to completely feel other people’s emotions, especially when I end up ignoring my own. I find that when I have close friends or family members going through tough situations, I often am so focused on how they are feeling, that I inherit what they feel and no longer care about my own feelings. This can go on for days, weeks, months… however long the situation is that they are going through. For the most part, I can only handle people in small doses, as it drains me physically, mentally, and emotionally. This is and of itself already upsets some of my friends, but I can only handle so much.
This is who I am, and I have to remember that it is okay to take time away from people. It is actually a great idea to take time away from people, and focus on yourself. One of the benefits of being an empath is something that happened to me just today, and it is actually the inspiration for this post: music. Simply listening to a powerful lyrics has a positive affect on me, and that is one of the blessings I have being an empath. As I write this ending, lyrics are pouring into my ears, filling my mind, and bringing me to the place where I feel truly myself. ♡