Who was your most influential teacher? Why?

My english professor from my community college is the first person who came to mind. I remember that he was a firefighter before he became a professor, but I swear this man should have been a therapist. I’ll be honest though, and I cannot for the life of me remember his name right now! That makes it sound like he wasn’t very memorable, but truly he was someone who I appreciated.

I decided to take English 101 and 102 in one semester, so this class had a decent amount of writing in it… my favorite! We read some of our own professor’s work and analyzed articles, and we wrote papers on almost everything we read. What I really enjoyed about this particular professor is that he always took time to speak one on one with his students about their work.

I remember him talking to me about my paper about helicopter parents, and I swear I was like “why is my english professor my therapist right now…” but he actually opened my eyes a little bit to something I was ignoring. He had said to me that he could see how angry I was at my father through my writing, and he turned and said “but you know you’re angry with somebody else too, right?” It was my mother.

It’s not like I didn’t know it, I just always was holding her on this higher pedestal compared to my father, but in reality she was just as involved by not removing me from the toxic environment. I had no problem throwing blame on my father, because he had said some of the worst things to me and quite frankly I didn’t feel bad about being angry with him; but being angry with my mother… that brought on more guilt.

I had grown up looking at her like she was also the victim of emotional and verbal abuse. Don’t get me wrong, she definitely was, but she was also the same parent preaching that once you have a child, they become your priority. Apparently my safety and childhood memories weren’t a priority against the alcohol.

That may sound cold, and I promise I am empathetic to the situation; but I also have denied my own anger and emotions for so long that I cannot feel guilty for sharing my truth. I can be aware that people are dealing with their own traumas and issues, but that doesn’t excuse abusive behavior.

I’ve done a lot of healing, learning, and unlearning throughout my life, and I know that anger has always been a very present emotion for me. I have learned how suppressing anger can lead to people-pleasing, and people-pleasing leads to resentment, which in turn keeps you in a never ending cycle of anger. I no longer wish to hold onto my anger.

I’ve been doing a lot of releasing happening over these last couple weeks. Lots of tears, both of happiness and of grief. I grieve the years I lost to an angry childhood home, yet I feel so blessed that I found my soulmate at such a young age so I could escape. I grieve the memories I lack due to living in a hyper-vigilant state for most of my life, yet I feel grateful to be so present in my current everyday life- especially when this was something I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to feel.

I found therapy after community college, but I believe that professor really had an influence on how I was reviewing my childhood. I remember how I found it so interesting that a professor who barely knew me was able to see right through me- especially when I always felt so misunderstood by my parents. I will always remember that professor, and I am grateful that I took his class even though I currently don’t remember his name.