I finally saw my therapist on Friday; it’s been a few months since I had a job switch and insurance lapse, not to mention she gets hella booked out. It was great seeing her, and honestly receiving some validation that I’ve been doing better with setting boundaries made me feel great! I’ve been much more focused on my personal progress and my goals; I’m being much more mindful about what I spend my time doing and who I spend that time with.
My therapist had mentioned how she recently read that the average friendship lasts six years (she prefaced this with the statement that this is not a researched medical/professional fact). Six years doesn’t seem like a long period of time, and it kind of makes sense since humans are constantly evolving. Our interests/values tend to change and develop over time, hence why we all become our mothers LOL.
My therapist recognizes that it is hard for me to let go of people; I have always been a “people-pleaser,” and I’d hate to let someone down or make them feel like they’re being abandoned. I know we all have our struggles and sometimes you just need a friend, but it is also important to recognize if there is any benefit to the friendship considering it does involve both parties. If you are constantly being dumped on, but never being checked up on, is that truly a friendship?
Where I struggle with that is also the fact that I never really ask people for help. If I’m upset or struggling, I don’t reach out to friends to vent and unload on them. Could I? Yes, I know I can, but do I need to? Not really. The thing is, I’ve always kind of had this mindset that you need to do shit on your own. My mom always said “The only person guaranteed to be with you until you’re dying day is yourself;” so I’m really the only one I can rely on.
In that same sense, since we are the only ones who are truly with us until we die, why not love ourselves? Why not take the time to do the things that we enjoy? Why not focus on what is going to make our own lives better? At what point are we “wasting time?” If your conversations with friends start feeling like a waste of time, where does that leave you? It is okay to let go of what is no longer beneficial for you.