I feel like I’ve been treating myself a lot lately, and I’m having mixed feelings about it. On one hand I know that I am a hard worker and I am good with my money so I deserve to splurge every once in a while. However, on the other hand I already have a decent balance on my credit card and I feel like I shouldn’t be spending more money on myself until that’s paid off.

Today I went to the mall with my mom because I wanted to get my friend something for Christmas. My family and I go to Iowa for our family Christmas in January, and my friend lives in the same town as my family and I want to bring her and her daughter a little something for the holiday (and because I love them). I ended up getting a couple of cute things that I think they will really enjoy.

Although I succeeded in getting gifts for them, I also decided to buy myself some clothes and candles because “why not just treat myself!” right?? To be fair the candles were on sale, and I didn’t spend too much on clothes. I got a cute baggy sweatshirt that I’m wearing right now, as well as a post malone shirt and two sweaters. I could have been a lot worse, but I still have a lingering feeling of guilt in the back of my brain.

I have to remember that I am still responsible and good with my money, even if I do have a bit of money sitting on my credit card. I guess a good example is that I always make sure that all of our bills are able to be paid every month. We don’t pay bills late, and we always make sure to put the same amount of money in our account so we are equally responsible for all bills/groceries/etc. I also make sure my separate bills are paid as well, like my car and phone. Whenever I get paid I put money towards my credit card balance (when there is one)… it’s not like I am ignoring the debt that’s there.

Money has always been a struggle and almost a trigger for me. Not in the way that I’ve ever been in debt or huge financial trouble, but the fact that I just obsess over it and basically let it run my life. I really shouldn’t feel guilty for buying a couple of outfits and/or getting my nails done, when I am making sure all other important things are paid first. I should probably bring this up in therapy on Friday, but also is it even important or relevant? I mean I obviously just wrote a whole blog post about it so I guess so.