TW: tragically depressing, graphic, animal death

I just witnessed the worst thing. I will warn you this literally happened 20 min ago and I just finished crying and hyperventilating and feel the need to get it out. This includes tragedy with a dog, and it doesn’t end well and I anticipate crying more so just don’t read if you can’t handle it right now.

I haven’t been on one of my walks in a while due to some back pain and just overall weirdness. I’ve been feeling off and not in a great way, but today I was feeling like I needed to finally do something for myself and get back outside. I specifically decided not to have headphones in, because my intention was to be able to listen to the sounds of nature and really ground myself in the experience.

I went about my whole walk feeling really good! Smiling and saying “hello” to strangers who walked by. Seeing parents supporting their children at football and baseball practices. I took the longer part of the nature walk to really immerse myself in the sounds of the trees and birds (and the annoying bugs buzzing by my ear).

Along my walk I was remembering that it’s a new moon, and the theme of this season is to really let go of what is no longer serving us and step into our higher selves without fear or hesitancy, and I was thinking about what I want to let go of. One of the main things for me is to let go of any anger or resentment, especially over such small, irrelevant shit. I’m done ruminating over what I didn’t say or how I said things, and all I can do is move forward and keep that in mind for my future.

There are people around me going through hardships and loss, and there are tragedies in life that are much bigger than being angry over a dumb comment or assumption. I was remembering that along my walk as well, and as I came towards the end back up to the sidewalk that was leading me home, I noticed a man also seeming to go the same way. I walked slower so he could go ahead as I am always anxious when people are behind me, and I let him get pretty far ahead before I made my turn onto the path to follow him.

As I turned, I noticed movement across the street and quickly recognized that it was a Rottweiler that was off of his leash. The dog was moving fast and seemed like he was headed in the direction of the man in front of me, which of course immediately is sending off alarm bells inside of me. I stopped in my tracks and all of a sudden a black truck comes down the road at the same time that the dog is heading onto the street… and I heard the loud bang. The dog fell over limp instantly.

Mind you, all of this happened in the matter of maybe 3-5 seconds, but it literally plays back in my head as if it was in such slow motion. I stood there. I was so shocked. The guy in the truck stopped and got out of the car, a child ran to the dog and just looked shocked as well. With no tears, he just grabs his phone and starts calling I’m assuming his parents. The man who was walking in front of me was also stopped in his path, all of us stood in shock. The owner of the dog (child’s dad) starts whistling from the distance to call to the dog… and the son just said “it’s too late, Dad.”

The man in the truck put his hands on his face and then on his head and just kept saying how he was so sorry and how he tried to turn, but it was too late. He was right. It all happened so fast. A few seconds burned into all of our memories forever. A bunch of humans all in the same place, all with similar yet very different emotions. That family lost their furry family member in the matter of seconds. I am praying and thinking about them, as I cannot imagine how they are aching. The dog made no cries, no noise at all, meaning he died instantly; that honestly doesn’t really make it easier right now, but at least he didn’t suffer.

I know this won’t leave my head for a while, but at the same time I know I cannot let this ruminate in my head and consume me… that’s why I came right to my blog. I had to get this out. The fear I had seeing that dog running, to the shock, to the sadness all within seconds, I honestly cannot believe I didn’t throw up. I felt like I was going to, and honestly I still kind of do, but I don’t want to and I am just trying to cry it out and write it out.

I cannot believe I saw that. I cannot believe how quickly all of that happened. I don’t even want to talk about it or think about it ever again, but I know that will take time. This is why I have a blog; this is why I journal. Writing is a form of therapy for me, and I am very grateful for this outlet. Please hug your family and your fur babies tight, because life can change in seconds.