“Live like the flowers”

Today I got a couple new tattoos which has of course left me feeling very happy! I love getting tattoos, and the best part was I had a gift certificate which was able to cover everything! I got a floral half moon on my back, and I got the quote “live like the flowers” on my collar bone.

The quote has a few inspirations, but overall the meaning behind it is to just be. There’s a quote from Zen shin that reads: “a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it; it just blooms.” I read that quote years ago and it always sat with me. As I’ve grown older I’ve cared less and less about what others think of me, and now I rarely compare myself to others.

There’s another quote I read that was “live like flowers; wild, beautiful and drenched in sunlight.” Overall I’ve always felt more at home in nature; I love going on walks or just floating in the water. As a kid I was always climbing different trees around the apartments that I grew up in, and now I enjoy hiking when I can and just walking through the park.

Other quotes about flowers touch on the fact that when a flower isn’t blooming you don’t throw it away, you change the environment and/or the way in which you care for the flower. If you water the flower and make sure it gets proper sunlight and nutrients, the flower typically will bloom beautifully. Taking that knowledge and applying to yourself as a human can make a world of a difference in the way in which we “bloom.”

Another day

Happy Monday! I am writing this from the break room at work as I was very busy yesterday and was too exhausted to post last night. This morning I was organizing ordering the bridesmaids dresses for my friends wedding in March as I am maid of honor, so that is why I didn’t post this morning.

Life has been busy which is good. I’m finally getting my car fixed after it was hit in July, so I’m driving around a 2020 Nissan Altima as my rental car for now. It’s a nice car but I definitely prefer my 2020 Sonata, which I should have back this week! My friend visited from WI this weekend and we went out to the bar which was nice and normal feeling.

Yesterday my friend had a “drive-by” baby shower as times are weird, but honestly I prefer those for baby showers because then you don’t have to sit there for hours watching them open all the gifts LOL. I feel like even when all this is over I’d prefer to do a drive-by baby shower in the future.

Speaking of which, my boyfriend and I revisited our plans/goals and we are going to try to start having children in a couple of years. We do still want to be married first, and we are currently not engaged, but our wedding plan is to elope in Aruba and we’ve already looked into a lot of it, so we are thinking the planning shouldn’t be too bad.

For the next couple years I plan to continue to work on my mental health. I am planning to wean off of my Cymbalta come Spring as I don’t want to risk coming off right into the winter months, but I’d like to not be on any prescriptions during pregnancy even if they are deemed to be “safe.” I’m still practicing the art of calmness and patience, and I know I will be doing that for the rest of my life, but I want to really dive into that over the next couple years to help prepare for motherhood.

Any tips/tricks/advice would be helpful! I love yoga but have been lacking at practicing, and I want to try meditation again as I feel like I’m at a better place now mentally that I was when I tried it before. I will keep you posted on that!

Early Sunday Morning

This morning I was wide awake at 7am, and I went to bed after midnight so I am not entirely sure why, but I used this morning to put together a little lame crafty card for a friend as I feel she may need a pick me up. I’m terrible about reaching out to friends lately, but I’m trying to get better.

Fall has arrived which makes me very happy! I already started decorating the house because I think it will help prevent me from falling into my seasonal depression at least for now, as I’m not trying to mix together my pandemic depression and my seasonal depression; I mean I can only handle so much.

I feel that I’ve been able to do a lot of self-reflecting during this year and I honestly do feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself and I am really trying to be more grateful and express more love to those who are important to me. Life is so short and our time is never guaranteed, and I am trying to apply that to everyday life, but in a healthy way, not an anxious way.

Today I am hoping to pick up a good book or two from Barnes and Noble, and very likely a nice candle from Bath & Body Works. I can’t spend too much money right now so I have to keep that in mind when I go, but I really want to find a book on Empaths. I’m not looking for one in particular but rather seeing if any look interesting and/or beneficial to me.

Maybe I’ll post later with an update, but until that possible “later” I want to share a peak into my spooky house!

Patience

I write this as I am sitting in the drive thru of dunkin’ donuts, patiently waiting to order my large iced dark roast with cream and a medium black cold brew for my boyfriend. I want a pick me up before the bridal shower I am going to attend today!

I am excited to see friends at the bridal shower and celebrate the bride-to-be! I put on a full face or makeup, which I also did yesterday when my boyfriend and I went ax throwing with a couple friends! It feels nice to do normal things and spend time with other people.

I am hopeful that one day life will go back to some sort of normal, although I can only pray that people will have learned how to be more patient and kind to one another. I want people to remember that we’re all humans going through our own struggles, and we are more alike than we think.

Lately I’ve been trying to take time every day to think about what I am grateful for, and it’s already made a difference in how I view life. I feel like in general I’m feeling more positive and happier, because I am taking time to actually think about things that make me happy and that I am blessed to have.

Take some time to think about what you’re grateful for today!

Monday night post I guess

Today wasn’t bad, yet I find myself happy that it’s over. After getting more than ten hours of sleep last night I think my body is just begging for that again. I hate when I let myself sleep too long, but at the same time sometimes you truly do need it!

I don’t have a lot to say really, but I do want to share a couple photos that I took of my friend and her son as ghosts! She saw some trend about doing ghost pictures with friends and so we decided to do it but also include her 1.5 year old son! He really didn’t mind having the sheet over his head which was surprising!! LOL enjoy!

“ghost with style”

Self-care weekend

Yesterday was such a nice day, and it’s because I actually took time to do things that I like, and I was able to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend. Yesterday I was productive around the house in the aspect of doing laundry, dishes and taking out the garbage; then I decided to do some yoga.

Yesterday I even went on a walk in the rain because I wanted to go on a walk and was tired of being indoors. It’s been raining for the past week and it’s been exhausting, but I didn’t want to let that stop me. It was only sprinkling when I left for my walk, but at different points throughout the park it was raining pretty steadily. Nonetheless it was still really nice outside.

It’s 12:28pm right now and the sun is finally shining today!! I already went on my walk (my walk is about 2 miles according to my phone tracking me LOL). I also made myself some breakfast as I did yesterday. My go-to is two eggs over-easy/medium, bacon, and toast. I typically will drink orange juice with it if I have it, which I did today!

My boyfriend should be home soon from his personal training session so I’m going to ask him if he wants to get a late lunch later from one of our local sports bars because I kinda feel like putting on makeup and getting “dressed up” (aka maybe jeans instead of leggings/biker shorts LOL).

I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday and finds time to do something that brings pure joy!

Wandering

I feel like my mind is constantly wandering trying to find new interests and hobbies. I feel like even though I didn’t do much before quarantine, I need to do things now to keep me going. But at the same time, I feel such a lack of motivation because I always give up on everything that I try. I never stick with anything and it drives me insane (especially because I know I’m the only one who can change that).

To be honest I need to give myself a little credit, because both Yesterday and Saturday I did at-home workouts. And then today I went on not one, but two walks! I told myself I wanted to work our more so I actually started doing something about it. I just really know myself and I know how I always give up on things, so I’m hoping I can get passed that somehow this time around.

I want to start writing poetry again, but I haven’t felt motivated or inspired lately. I sometimes wonder if taking anxiety medication hinders my ability to write because I always loved writing when I was in a bad state of mine (aka high anxiety or depression). My anxiety medication has definitely helped me a lot, but I hope to one day come off of it.

Bring on September

I feel like August flew by so quickly, then again this whole year has felt like one huge blur so far. All the days seem mixed together and I have been so unmotivated. Luckily I have had a couple fun and busy weekends these last two weeks so I feel like it’s bringing me back, so I am ready to see what September brings!

I know September brings my best friends birthday, and one of my other good friends has her bridal shower shortly after that. Part of me doesn’t like being so busy and having to spend all this money at once, but also I need to live my life and I want to spend time with my good friends who make me happy!

I hope September brings good news and happy times for everyone; I feel like we all need it.

Self-reflecting

Something that I struggle with is staying motivated, and I’ve been feeling down about it lately. I also am upset with myself for my lack of hobbies/passions. I know that I have this blog, and I am proud of that, but there’s so much more that I want to be doing with my writing- I’m just not motivated.

I get mad at myself for being tired and for just laying in bed watching pointless tv, yet I have no desire to get up and work on bettering myself. I know life is hard right now for everyone with everything that’s going on in the world, and I’m sure I’m not the only person feeling this way, but that doesn’t make it any better because I am feeling everyone else’s depression.

I am a human, I am allowed to feel emotions, and I am still working on being able to differentiate the emotions of others; I need to stop being hard on myself. I mean, here I am writing again (even though I missed my regularly scheduled post) and I deserve to be proud of myself.

Tuesday post (whoops!)

I’m exhausted, but I need to post because I forgot to post the last two days and I am feeling so many things right now but am also too lazy to organize my thoughts or even type them all out. At this point I just feel like sleeping to escape from everything,

Work has been the easy part of life, even with it being a bit overwhelming at times. Now I’m just overwhelmed by my actual life, as I am in three weddings within the next year (pending Covid crap), and although I am excited and happy for my friends I’m just worried about losing myself again- I already feel like I am in a way.

I don’t even know how to explain it, I just feel off right now. I feel like I forget how to dedicate time to myself and I start neglecting myself when big things are happening for my friends. I start to feel what they feel on top of my own normal life stress, and then I exhaust myself.

I know that I can fix the self-care aspect of this… I just need to care about myself a little more. This tends to happen when I get lost in everything else going on around me. I just need to learn how to balance life a bit better and I need to be more self-disciplined when it comes to getting my ass out of bed to workout or stretch or write or do something for myself.

I honestly didn’t even want to write when I started this blog post, and I ended up writing more than I thought I would, and I even feel a little better than I did when I started. I guess I need to have a little more faith in myself.